“Sabine Sonnenschein!”
From this letter, it is clear that Sabine had replied to his letters and that they had seen each other.
Heartfelt thanks for your charming letter in respect of the package of sugar, bread and margarine.
I have questioned the guilty party and she claims that she had been under the misapprehension that it had been intended for her personally. I have accordingly made my opinion very clear to her and no such misunderstanding will occur again.
Sabine had obviously informed Gebele that she had not received the expected food parcel, and Gebele had immediately found the guilty party. I felt some pity and fear for the poor woman and hope she was not punished in any way.
Either I shall deliver the items myself or via a reliable messenger or even have the lady doctor pass them you. I regret my mistake and that you, liebe Sabine, should have been robbed of your provisions through it.
He returned to the subject of her washing and wanted to know if she needed new underwear and to tell him what she “preferred.” I feel sure that clothes were not much on her mind while she was still so ill and in pain from her ankle and was desperately trying to stay alive until the end of the war.
She apparently also told him that she trusted him, and Gebele was over the moon. He was now convinced there was a future for them together and wanted to know if she could contemplate being more than friends.
“Sabine, on the subject of the letter to your dear mother, I can today enclose a copy of the letter.” He obviously realized that he earned her eternal gratitude by sending this letter to her mother, but I would like to think that he also had some empathy for a mother who did not know if her daughter was dead or alive. I can imagine Moeder Bien would have been elated to receive this letter with its good news.
Gebele was determined to do everything in his power to make Sabine happy, not only while they were in the camp, but if possible, also in the future beyond the camp. He was even prepared to make a “holy vow,” which probably meant a marriage.
He was very worried that Sabine had mentioned “work.” Overwrought, he wrote: “Liebe kleine Sabine, I am not at all happy that you intend to expose yourself carelessly to danger, running around the camp on a free rein. You will be regarded and possibly treated as fair game and I don’t want to see you fall into filthy and lustful hands. You don’t know the pitfalls of life in the camp yet.” On the other hand, he realized that trying to forbid her anything might have the opposite effect, and he admitted that in the end it would be her decision. But, he wondered, would it not be a better idea if she came to work with him in the office? What did she think? Working for the big boss, who, like a young boy, was in love with her?
But it appears that the same day, something unpleasant happened between Gebele and Sabine.
Concerning our conversation today I should like to say straightaway that I had lost all self control and ask your forgiveness from the bottom of my heart for forcing myself on you.
It would seem Gebele had tried to kiss her or worse, and Sabine had rejected him. She was obviously shocked and told him that his love was not reciprocated with the same intensity. Gebele was upset and wondered if this was because he was German. Since he had met Sabine, he couldn’t think of anyone else. He couldn’t concentrate on anything and was constantly preoccupied with the thought that she would reject him. He himself was so convinced of his love for her that he posed her the question, “if you, meine kleine Sabine, will become my wife?”
They had only known each other for a few days when Gebele wrote his first letter to Sabine. Two days after that, he tried to kiss her, and the following day, he asked her to marry him.
Sabine was in a very difficult position. What could she do? Gebele feared she was indifferent to him, or perhaps the difference in age bothered her. He was thirty-nine, and she was twenty-six.
When he shares these worries his tone becomes less friendly, even cross when demanding that she accept his offerings of food and clothes, “which are strictly for you only.” It was likely that Sabine shared the food that he sent her with her fellow inmates, and she also told him she did not need any more clothes. She probably also felt some embarrassment towards the other women around her.
Gebele finally ended this long letter with, “It is two o’clock in the morning and I must sleep and dream of you and your future, I shall tell you one day what I have dreamed so far. Waiting for a favorable answer or at least a loving comment...”
I am now reading these letters with a mounting sense of horror, consternation and fear. Was she really in love with Gebele as he seemed to think? A few kind words obviously sent him into raptures of happiness and hope. Her position was very difficult. If she offended him, he could send her to the gas chamber, back to do heavy labor, or to the camp brothel. Even if he just abandoned her, her life would be in danger without his protection. She was still very ill and recovering from her injuries and broken ankle. Besides, there would be a lot of jealousy from some of the other women over the privileges she received, even though it seemed she was sharing them. This was a very dangerous situation as there was a huge air of expectation not only for the war to end any day, but also a pervasion of total lawlessness in the camp. General discipline had slackened considerably.
I can’t decide where she was by then—still in the Revier, back with the other women in the barrack, or in an altogether different place. She clearly still saw her friends, especially Hetty, who had been her bedmate and closest friend throughout this terrible period. The knowledge that he was keeping her alive (and no doubt some of her friends, thanks to the extra rations) was both reassuring and frightening, but by talking about becoming his wife and a future together, he must have shaken her badly. His embarrassment about trying to physically take advantage of her sounds sincere. It was probably just a passionate embrace. Most likely she just used him to stay alive, but he confused the gratitude she showed him with love. She had not much choice though. Staying alive was all that mattered.
Meanwhile, Gebele had already told Sabine he would write to her mother, and he enclosed a copy with his letter to her.