Chapter 9

Yes and, Maybe, No

If you want to make shit up for a living in this world, you need to understand a few things about how people communicate with each other. Words have meaning, yes. They also have a great power and influence. The words we choose have immense impact on how we create.

Verbal communication is the number‐one way to exchange information and ideas with other people on a day‐to‐day basis. What we say and how we say it completely determines whether or not we can successfully get our ideas into action. You can be the most brilliant person in the world, but if you can never communicate your ideas, there is really nothing we can do with them.

Communication is the secret sauce of success. Think of it this way: All things being close to equal, would you prefer having a doctor who is a poor communicator or a doctor who is a great communicator? That same concept applies in any job. Who wins, the coder or the coder who is a great communicator? The teacher or the teacher who is a great communicator? The mechanic or the mechanic who is a great communicator? And so on and so on.

There is almost never a time when, given the opportunity to choose, someone would ever say, “Given the choice, I'll take the poor communicator.” Just doesn't happen. Effective communication completely changes the game in terms of how people view you both personally and professionally. The better communicator you become, the better your personal and professional relationships will be.

When we improvise onstage, we are using a well‐honed communication skill set that the audience never really sees. Hopefully the actors just look brilliant and funny and incredibly fast on their feet. We want the audience to laugh and be entertained and constantly be surprised and delighted by our choices onstage.

We want to leave them amazed and asking “How do they think so fast to come up with that stuff?” You do not necessarily want them to see the underlying skill set that the actors are using to communicate with each other, which is being able to quickly get on the same page and advance ideas. In general, we don't want you to see how the sausage is made; we just want you to enjoy the delicious, unhealthy sausage.

All communication can be broken down into three avenues of approach; yes, no, or maybe. Do you love me? Yes, no, maybe. You want to grab a beer? Yes, no, maybe. Should we colonize Mars, or get sushi tonight, go for a walk or buy a dog or any other situation you can think of, the communication comes down to yes, no, or maybe.

There are no emotional connotations to these words. “Yes” is not a good word and “no” is not a bad word. Each has power and influence regarding how ideas are or are not moved forward. Since this book is meant primarily for people interested in creating ideas and moving them forward, let's take a look at the impact these words have on this process.

NO

No. Say it out loud. No! You can feel the power in this simplest of words. No is authority. No is discipline, the parent, the teacher. No by its nature is negative. No is often fearful, afraid of change. No is risk‐averse, happy to maintain the status quo. No is safe. No can be knee‐jerk. No is hard to hear and easy to say. No also has great power. It can be decisive and strong.

No has the ability to stop unwanted actions in their tracks. No can be rebellious and brave, empowering people to stand up for themselves and what they believe. No can be hard to say, as it often disappoints. Used correctly, no can help shape the creative process. Wielded in a haphazard way, no can stop the creative process before it ever gets a chance to begin.

The idea of “No” has great influence on the creative process, especially at the beginning. In improv we are taught to avoid saying “No,” especially at the very beginning of the scene. If an improv actor offers an idea and their scene partner immediately says “No” to it, then that scene is effectively over. At the very least it has to be restarted by one or another of those actors. Here is an example of a “No” scene:

Gabby:	Hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee?
Lucy:	No, I don't like coffee.

I have seen this scene 10,000 times from beginning improvisers (and from far too many experienced ones as well). On a basic level it doesn't really seem that bad. Gabby asks a question, Lucy says “No.” The problem is that from a creative standpoint we have nowhere to go. Either Gabby have to try to convince Lucy to go get a cup of coffee or she needs to offer an alternative. Lucy, on the other hand, is making her scene partner do all the work.

Lucy can just sit there and force Gabby to keep coming up with ideas that Lucy can shoot down or at the very least pick and choose from, passing judgment on which ideas she thinks are good. The functional problem here is that going for coffee may be Gabby's only idea. Once Lucy says “No,” Gabby might have nothing else to offer, and then the two actors just stand there staring at each other onstage, flop‐sweat beading on their brow and a pit of panic spreading in their guts.

A more likely scenario might go like this:

Gabby:	Hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee?
Lucy:	No, I don't like coffee.
Gabby:	You drink coffee all the time.
Lucy:	I never drink coffee.
Gabby:	I saw you at Dunkin' Donuts yesterday.
Lucy:	I have never been to a Dunkin' Donuts in my life.
Gabby:	Are you calling me a liar?
Lucy:	Are you saying I am lying?

I have seen a version of this scene so many times that it makes me want to jab my eyes out just thinking about it. If you thought it was not entertaining reading that scene, it is 100 times worse watching it. As a viewer it becomes awkward and uncomfortable to watch two people argue over such a trivial detail at the very beginning of the scene.

Saying “No” at the very beginning of the scene also tends to leads directly to an argument or one‐on‐one conflict. While this can get laughs at first, they will quickly die out as the audience becomes frustrated that no new information is being added and that the story isn't going anywhere. Here is another way this scene typically goes:

Gabby:	Want to grab a cup of coffee?
Lucy:	No, I don't drink coffee. Let's go get some tea.
Gabby:	Tea is gross. I hate tea.

No begets no, negative begets negative.

It is human nature for us to defend our ideas. When we take that risk and offer our idea to the world, or in this case our scene partner, we have left ourselves vulnerable. When our idea is immediately denied, not only does this stop the potential for any action, it also stings a little and puts us on the defensive. More often than not, when our partner offers an alternative idea we end up shooting it down and sticking to our initial position.

In improvisation we know this to be true; saying “no” at the very beginning of a scene stops the action from moving forward. There is nothing for us to explore if we come out of the gate just saying “no.” There are no new possibilities and nothing to discover if we are stopping the action, shutting ideas down at the very beginning of the process. We also know that if you say “No” to someone else's idea in the initial stages of ideation you are incentivizing them to say no to any idea that you may offer back. If you pitch me on an idea and I say no, and then I pitch you on my idea, human nature more often than not will have you point out the flaws in my idea, or the very least how my idea is no better than yours. We now have created an antagonistic environment where we are no longer sharing ideas, we are arguing our points and shooting each other's offers down.

Saying “No” leads to uninteresting and uncomfortable scenes. Not only that, but it begins to break down the cohesion of the ensemble. We see this all too often: If Lucy is constantly shooting Gabby's ideas down, the next time Lucy goes out on stage to start a scene, Gabby will be inclined to stay back. Why should Gabby go out and enter the scene if she knows her ideas are going to be shot down? She will let somebody else deal with that BS. Or, Gabby will go out and let Lucy have the first line of dialogue and then Gabby will negate Lucy's idea and get a laugh at Lucy's expense. All this leads to great mistrust between the actors on stage and breaks down the ability to work effectively with each other.

And let's talk about that negative laugh for a second. Can you get laughs out of negation or saying no? Of course you can. The problem arises when people have to have repeated interactions with each other. If one actor is always getting laughs at the other performer's expense, that actor starts to separate themselves from the group. In a team setting, no individual likes to constantly be the butt of someone else's joke.

When one person is constantly bearing the brunt of other people's jokes, that is an indication that there's a huge status and respect problem. I hear it all the time from companies that I work with: “Oh, everybody gives Tom shit all the time. He knows we do it because we love him, he doesn't mind.”

I guarantee you that Tom does mind. He may not say anything to you and may go along with the joke, but on the inside no person likes to constantly be made fun of or be demeaned, especially in front of others.

If this kind of joking is coming from a boss to an employee or a manager to subordinate, it is all the more problematic because the status of the relationship means that the lower‐status person cannot equally joke back in the same negative way. Being negative is often couched in phrases like “I'm just a sarcastic person” or “I like to give people shit, it's the way I show affection.”

This kind of humor works great among friends or peer sets because typically everyone holds fairly equal positions. I can give my buddy shit because he knows he can give it right back to me and there are no outside consequences. There is an element of trust that has been built up over years with your friends that allows you to be a little rougher with each other, because you know how you feel about each other on a deeper level. This is typically not the case in teams that have been put together from the outside.

One of the worst places where I see this behavior is in coaching of youth sports. Adults seem to think that a great way to connect with kids is by being sarcastic. It is generally one of the worst ways to forge a connection with a kid. First and foremost, the power dynamic is way off. Almost no kid has the confidence or the wherewithal to give shit back to a coach. To the contrary, if they do, they are considered disrespectful. Second, kids do not understand the nuances of sarcasm. When someone misses a fly ball and the coach yells out, “Hey, you know you're supposed to catch that, right?” The kid doesn't register that comment in their as yet unfully formed brain as humor. They register it as humiliation.

Yes, as you get to know your players and a bond is created, then of course you have some leeway to joke around and be sarcastic. But even then, if not used correctly with clear intent that you do not really mean it, sarcasm usually comes across as the coach just being shitty and making the player feel bad. I suppose if you think that making a player feel bad increases their chances of doing what you want more effectively, then by all means, be a sarcastic dick. Just be aware that modern social science does not back up this theory.

When we say “No” to one idea we are typically saying no to three, four, or five ideas. What I mean by this is that if you come to pitch me an idea and I say no to you, you may come back with a second idea. If I say “No” to the second idea and point out that it is not very good, what are the odds that you are going to come to me with ideas three, four, and five? Not very good. More often than not the person pitching the idea will think, No, thanks, I don't need that kind of humiliation again after the first couple of ideas.

Here is the issue: Ideas one and two may suck, but in ideas three, four, or five, there may be one that is brilliant. Yet I will never get to hear them if I just say “No” at the very beginning of the idea exchange.

It is very important that I point out that we are talking about the “ideation” phase and not the “execution” phase. In the ideation phase we are looking to explore new possibilities. We want to add raw material into the ideation gristmill to get things churning. As we get to the execution phase, then we will need to start saying no and eliminating concepts that we don't think will work. By listening and encouraging the team to offer ideas in the initial stages, team members will be more likely to understand if their idea is not selected and be more inclined to buy‐in on the final decision.

I absolutely do not discount the power and importance of “No.” At some point in the decision‐making process, possibilities need to be eliminated and a course of action needs to be set. “No” can be empowering, especially when used to stop unwanted actions from moving forward. We see this in dealing with children, particularly at‐risk youths. With this group it is important that we teach them how to say “No.” As we all know, teenagers are at the stage in their lives when they are facing a lot of choices, many of which are risky and with which they have no experience. In these instances it becomes important to explain that “No” is a valid and important choice in keeping themselves safe and away from things that may be harmful to them.

“No” is also an important choice for groups who have been marginalized or victimized. By saying “No” they show they will no longer stand being treated in a certain way. By making a firm stand, a group can claim control of their future.

Finally, it's not about never saying “No,” but rather choosing how and when you say “No.” It is an important part of the creative process. The key to understanding “No” is communicating the “why” of the “no.”

Improv Asylum has done a lot of work with Red Bull, the energy‐drink company. Periodically we are asked to work with their sampling teams. Now, folks on their sampling teams have a tough gig. Their job is to hit the streets and try to get people to sample Red Bull. As you might expect, they face a lot of rejection and negativity. Coupled with the fact that most of the people that make up these teams are usually between 18 and 21 and don't have a ton of professional communication training, it is easy to see how some issues may arise.

We went out into the field and observed how the Red Bull sampling teams work. The typical interaction went something like this:

Red Bull team member:	Hi, would you like to try a Red Bull?
Customer:	No, thanks, I heard that Red Bull is loaded with caffeine.
Red Bull team member:	No it's not, you should try it.
Customer:	Yeah, it is, and I don't want your product, period.

What we were seeing was that the sampling team members, when faced with an objection to their product, would basically tell the person that they were wrong. The team members led with the negative, which immediately would put the customer on the defensive. So we changed their dialogue just a bit. We taught to them to say this:

Red Bull team member:	Hi, would you like to try a Red Bull?
Customer:	No, thanks, I heard it was loaded with caffeine.
Red Bull team member:	Yeah, we get that all the time, did you know Red Bull has about the same amount of caffeine as a regular cup of coffee? You should try it.

In the first instance, the customer was told that their idea was wrong and that the product is not loaded with caffeine. The customer is probably thinking “Yeah, it is, you are a jackass, and I don't want your product.” In the second version we changed the dialogue so that the team member is not leading with a “No,” and the dialogue is in fact acknowledging the person's idea. By saying “Yeah, we get that all the time…” the team member has said “yes” to the customer's idea and has not immediately told the customer that what they believe is wrong.

News flash: Nobody likes to be told that they are wrong, even when they are wrong! After acknowledging the customer's idea, the team member goes on to educate them about the product “…it has about the same amount as a cup of coffee…” The team member has given the customer information that they previously didn't have and possibly removed a barrier to them trying a Red Bull.

Yes, of course the customer could still say “I don't consume any caffeine” or “I've already had a cup of coffee” or any number of reasons why they don't want to try Red Bull. But maybe that person will consider grabbing a Red Bull the next time they need some energy, or maybe they will even repeat the new fact they learned when someone else says that Red Bull is loaded with caffeine. By acknowledging their initial idea, the team member has a greater chance of keeping that person on their side for a longer amount of time.

Ultimately, if you are only going to interact with the person one time it does not really matter if you say no to them. You will never see them again, so what does it matter? If, though, you are going to have repeated interactions with a person, constantly saying “no” tends to push people away.

We all have had experiences in our lives dealing with a “no” person. What ends up happening is that we learn to go around that person, or over their head, or to another company that is more willing to try to work with us and our ideas.

If you are the “No” person in your organization, you should just be aware how you are probably making at least some people feel. By constantly saying “No” you are losing out on future ideas. When members of the team no longer bring in new ideas, then that is the death of innovation for that organization.

MAYBE

While “No” can stop ideas from moving forward, at least it gives us clarity on what we should or shouldn't do. Making shit up at some point means making decisions, and making decisions means we sometimes have to say “No.” From a team creation standpoint what can be at least as bad as “No,” and is oftentimes even more problematic, is the “Maybe.”

“Maybe” is your wishy‐washy friend that can't make a decision. “Maybe” is the weak cousin of “No” that doesn't believe in itself and is unwilling to take decisive action. “Maybe” is even more frustrating for team members to hear than “No” because it leaves them in limbo, not knowing which way to go. Give me a “Yes” or give me a “No,” but give me a definitive answer. Without a definitive answer I am stuck waiting and wondering, and that is where negativity is bred.

“Maybe” slows ideas or actions from moving ahead, especially when others are dependent on your decision‐making. Just like the concept of “No,” the use of “Maybe” is not an absolute. There are times when the use of “maybe” affords us time to consider options. The use of “Maybe” to keep ideas in play as we work through the decision‐making process can be a good thing. When used in the positive sense to consider other ways to build on ideas, “Maybe” can be an effective tool to explore new concepts.

When it is used to put off making decisions or to placate people because you don't want to deliver tough information, “Maybe” becomes yet another word that influences ideas in progress in a negative way. If you find yourself constantly saying “Maybe,” you need to ask yourself, what is stopping you from making a decision one way or the other? The sooner you answer that question and make a clear decision one way or the other, the sooner you'll be back on the path to making shit up.

YES, AND

So if “No” stops ideas from moving ahead and “Maybe” slows them down, how exactly do we move ideas along to bigger and better concepts? In modern improvisational theater the actors are trained to use the concept of “Yes, and” to quickly move ideas forward and build to completely new and unexpected concepts that each member of the scene can feel ownership of. Many people, when discussing the ideation or creative process think that it is all about saying “Yes.” It is often said that all you have to do is say “Yes” to whatever idea that is presented to you. While that is certainly better than saying “No” or “Maybe,” just saying “Yes” is not going to get you very far. This is what a scene looks like when someone in it only says “Yes”:

Kevin:	Hey, I have two tickets to the Celtics tonight, you want to join me?
Trevor:	Sure!
Kevin:	Great, I'll meet you at the Garden at seven.
Trevor:	Awesome!
Kevin:	Seems like you're a big fan?
Trevor:	Yes!
Kevin:	So, then, it should be a pretty good time.
Trevor:	Sure!

While there is no negation going on in this scene, and it is certainly positive and being kept in basic agreement, there still is not a ton that is happening. We are moving the scene along and will eventually end up at the basketball game, but from a creative standpoint it is a one‐sided conversation where Kevin is doing all of the work.

More things are being discovered in the scene, but it is relying heavily on the creativity of one person. Trevor isn't stopping the ideas or actions from moving forward, but he isn't contributing much, either. If all we ever do is say “Yes,” then we are ceding any control completely to other people.

By only saying “Yes” while not offering any of our own ideas, we are taking a very passive approach to the creative process. At some point, if we are part of a collaborative effort we will be seen as someone who, while not necessarily getting in the way, isn't contributing to the effort or is not pulling enough weight. Look, “Yes” is far better than saying “No” at the beginning of the ideation phase, but only saying “Yes” will often lead to the plateauing of ideas.

It is the “and” that kicks the idea in the ass and moves it forward. The “and” leads us to the next action or possibility. The “and” ensures that each participant is offering something new to the scene. Let's take a look at that same scene done with the “Yes, and” technique.

Kevin:	Hey, I have two tickets to the Celtics tonight. You want to join me?
Trevor:	Yes, and we should paint our faces green.
Kevin:	Yes, and we will probably get on the Jumbotron.
Trevor:	Yes, and we might even get on TV.
Kevin:	Yes, and all of our friends will see us and be super jealous.
Trevor:	Yes, and we can post pics on Instagram to show how awesome our lives are.
Kevin:	Yes, and we'll get tens of thousands of new followers.
Trevor:	Yes, and we will become social media superstars and make millions for practically doing nothing.

Clearly this scene builds in a much faster way than the original basketball scene did. Each time “and” was attached to the “Yes,” a new possibility was entered into the scene. By keeping this scene in agreement “and” building off of the idea that was previously stated, the scene quickly built to an unexpected ending. Just saying “Yes” doesn't get us there.

Look, I'm asking you to think metaphorically here for a second, but if our starting point was “I have tickets to the Celtics” and our ending point is becoming “social media superstars,” then we would never have gotten there if we did not agree and build upon each other's statements. If Trevor answered “no” when he was asked if he wanted to go to the Celtics game, then the scene would have been dead in the water. Had he said “Maybe,” we still may have gotten there, but it would have been slower and more laborious, as Kevin would have had to work to bring Trevor around to his idea.

Does that mean that we go around on stage constantly saying “Yes, and, Yes, and”? Of course not. That would be terrible and artificial and unbearable to watch. Hell, I will even say something that is practically blasphemous in the improv world: “Yes, and” can sometimes be overblown as a concept. If we never explore conflict or disagreement onstage, then we will miss the opportunity to explore opposing points of view or authentic representations of human interaction.

What “Yes, and” does allow for is the ability for people to rapidly get on the same page and build trust with each other. If I know that every time I offer an idea onstage you are going to say “Yes, and” and you know that every time you offer an idea I am going to say “Yes, and,” then neither of us have to worry that our ideas are going to be shot down. We don't have to worry that our ideas will be considered stupid or not good enough, and therefore we can fly quickly and create bigger and better ideas that we both feel ownership of.

The essence of “Yes, and” is essentially this: I am truly listening to what it is that you are saying, and then associating off of what I heard and adding on my thoughts and ideas.

Do we actually say “Yes, and” onstage? Rarely. What we do is try to find ways to agree with our scene partners, and then introduce our own perspective on what is happening. “Yes, and” can be said a hundred different ways:

· Cool, let's…

· Awesome, we should…

· Great, now we can…

· Sweet, let's go…

· Nice, now I'm going to…

The commonality is that the first word agrees in a positive way and then the second part allows the individual to add their own idea. When we advance ideas in this way, with other people or even just with ourselves, we can quickly build to bigger and better ideas that we never knew existed.

Oh, there is one pitfall that I need to make you aware of. While the concept of “Yes, and” can quickly advance ideas and bring people together, as well as build stronger cultures, there is a similar yet ultimately completely different concept that often rears its ugly head in corporate meetings across the globe. That is the concept of “Yes, but.” If you have ever been in any kind of business or corporate meeting at any point in your life, then I am sure you are familiar with that insidious, despicable, outright tyrannical concept called “Yes, but.” You know, it goes something like this:

Vicky:	I think we should offer surprise discounts to our best customers as a thank you for their continued support.
Brian:	Yes, but how are we going to identify who our best customers are?
Vicky:	We can set certain metrics that would identify who our best customers are and look them up in our database.
Brian:	Yes, but if we do that we maybe make some of our other customers angry.
Vicky:	Well, we can let those customers know how they can move into the VIP group that allows them to receive these kinds of benefits.
Brian:	Yes, but we don't even know if the so‐called best customers will even value these discounts.

I hate Brian and so should you. There is nothing easier in the world than pointing out why an idea “might” not work. It takes no skill or imagination to sharpshoot an idea and lay out reasons why a concept could fail.

You most often see this scenario play out in the form of the person who plays the role of “devil's advocate.” You know that person? The one who, whenever an idea is presented, raises his or her hand and says (read this in the most whiny and annoying voice that you can imagine), “Well, to play the devil's advocate for a moment here…”

That person makes me want to kill myself. Again, it is simple to shoot down other people's ideas in the beginning stages. Anyone can do it and it takes no talent to do so.

To be clear, I am focusing on the initial exchange of ideas. There is a time in any creative process when the role of “devil's advocate” is very important. Somewhere down the line, tough questions need to be asked, assumptions need to be challenged, and alternative outcomes need to be explored. Yet if an idea is immediately attacked with a “Yes, but” attitude or negative questioning, then we will never discover what might be.

One of the ways that I like to deal with the person who is playing the role of the “Yes, but-er”, or “devil's advocate” is to have the person that is criticizing the idea have to immediately offer up an idea of their own or what they think might be a potential solution to the problem that they're pointing out. I ask them to put some intellectual skin in the game.

When someone knows that they are going to have to offer their own ideas and open themselves up to criticism, it is amazing how quickly they back off from ripping everybody else's ideas to shreds. It may sound like semantics, but try having a conversation with someone where are all you do is “Yes, and” each other back and forth for 30 seconds. Then have a new conversation where all you do is “Yes, but” each other back and forth. I guarantee you will find that the “Yes, and” concept is far more collaborative and leads to a multitude of different possibilities, whereas the “Yes, but” conversation will be far more antagonistic and argumentative and lead to fewer new ideas.

When you use “Yes, but” in an argument you are more or less just saying “yes, but no.” With “Yes, but,” you more often than not are just finding new ways to restate why you are right. Something I like to say to make you remember to try to avoid “Yes, but” in the beginning of the ideation phase is this saying:

“Nothing good comes out of the but.”

Has this entire book been an elaborate buildup to a juvenile poop joke? Maybe. What I mean by that phrase is that rarely does someone say, upon hearing a new idea “Yes, but, that is awesome!”

There is almost always a negative that comes from the “but.” Oddly enough, the concept of “No, but” is an effective way of saying no while still keeping somebody on your side and exploring other opportunities.

Is it the end of the world if you say “Yes, but”? Of course not. Most of us are reasonable human beings and can handle negative words or phrases. I would just suggest that anytime you can change the “but” to an “and,” you will have better luck keeping a person or team on your side, which will allow for more positive exchange and buildup of ideas.

“Yes, and” is a tool. It is not the “right” way to create nor is it the only way to create. But it is a proven effective way to discover new ideas and move them along.

How can you practice this? In the next meeting in which you are trying to find a solution to a problem or come up with some new ideas, suggest to the team that for the next 15 minutes everybody uses the “Yes, and” technique of building off of each other's ideas. Even if it is an awful idea that seems insane or you fundamentally hate it.

Commit to “Yes, and‐ing” it and seeing where it goes. Do this for 15 minutes and then go back to using all the tools that already work for you and your organization: infighting, accusations, paranoia, and backstabbing. I kid. By treating it as a tool in your ideological toolbox, you now have another way of tackling problems, and one that is simple enough for everyone to understand and attempt right away.

The “Yes, and” technique works in professional relationships, personal relationships, with kids, and even with strangers. Put a little “Yes, and” in your life and I promise you will see significant results in the effectiveness of your communications.