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Prayer

Listening Up

John and I bumped along the iron red of a back road in East Africa, pausing for a herd of longhorn cattle. Our family had been living in Uganda for five and a half years, serving with Engineering Ministries International to help create hospitals, water projects, and schools.

The couple weathering these potholes with us spoke of the path they’d taken to be there, all of us bouncing like popcorn on the road of a developing country. They hadn’t grown up in Christian homes, and yet here they were. I wanted to know more. It’s a perpetual curiosity of mine as to how God pulls people to him. What was the final circumstance he used to waken them?

The wife recalled a neighboring family. “It was how they prayed,” she said. “I’d never heard anyone pray like that before.” As if they personally knew God. As if he were there. As if his heart beat among them, vigorous, as closely within reach as she was.

She was in Uganda, decades later, serving God’s people because of the way a family prayed.

Permanent Truth

Talking with God should not be a periodic act but a constant conversation that’s

• intimate

• natural (not stilted)

• constant

• relational

• vital

• effective

Help your kids see how prayer changes us. It shapes our heart when we’re trying to forgive someone. It may lead to ideas of how to serve. As we see our prayers for ourselves and each other kick-start change in our own lives, we can say, “Hey, I love seeing you do that. We’ve been praying for that!” Praying for each other is one ultimate form of love.

When I consider teaching my family to pray, a quote from Professor Peter Kreeft nudges me: “I strongly suspect that if we saw all the difference even the tiniest of our prayers to God make, and all the people those little prayers were destined to affect, and all the consequences of those effects down through the centuries, we would be so paralyzed with awe at the power of prayer that we would be unable to get up off our knees for the rest of our lives.”¹

Praying Below the Surface

Prayer can be so much more than the equivalent of making sure we dictate the entire grocery list to Siri.

Take my conversations with John. Certainly, there are business matters for us to discuss. But if all our talks concern a discipline issue with one of the kids, or a call from the bank, or a message someone asked me to pass on, I go away feeling like we conducted a business transaction, as if my husband were a great ATM. And he doesn’t experience a closeness, the sense of my receiving his thoughts and emotions, or the esteem or nurture that helps him thrive. When we don’t speak at the heart level of what’s really on our minds, if there’s not a flow of relationship, I don’t come away connected.

I could communicate the same about prayer to my kids. Yes, they can of course download with God about the practical. But are they relating with him? Chatting about deeper things? Listening to him? Experiencing him in relational interchange?

Prayer should be a continuing dialogue—almost like a conversation you’d have with a family member throughout the day—with an added emphasis on listening and responding. Quaker theologian Thomas Kelly calls it “a gentle receptiveness to divine breathings,” “orienting [our] entire being in inward adoration.”² The Bible speaks of praying continually in at least four places (Romans 12:12; Ephesians 6:18; Colossians 4:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Teaching our kids about prayer creates an awareness of God’s response to their world, listening to how God might be moving in them to follow him—and then respond to him.

Leaning into the Awkward

I’m fortunate to have a mom who, at the close of a recent conversation on the phone while I motored up the interstate, said simply, “Well, let me pray for you just a minute.” And she did. It wasn’t awkward, because this was the culture of my family of origin—and now it’s a function of my own nuclear family. Like breath. Like air.

I pray for my kids now and then before they hop on their bikes for school. My kids ask me to pray with them about something they’re stressing over. I might draw them into my arms and rest my chin on their heads; prayer can be a point of connection. Just like you might associate cinnamon with warm feelings at a grandparent’s at Christmas, our kids can associate prayer with comfort and closeness.

More than any tool, the easiest way to incorporate prayer as a life skill is to make talking with God an ongoing conversation in your own home—a constant activity, involving him as you would anyone else in your home. Read: Just do it. Sure, it may be awkward at first. So was kissing your spouse, until you got the hang of it.

Considering you’re probably already doing a few of the following items, choose one or two more. The goal is knowing God, not forcing something like a mandatory date night (“Guess I’m supposed to kiss you now—let’s get this over with”). It’s important to communicate that God doesn’t accept us because of how or when or for how long we pray. Through prayer, we get to enjoy God.

Try these easy-peasy breath prayers.

You can pray these in a single breath, repeating them if you’d like as you breathe in and out.

Lord, have mercy (Luke 18:13).

Here I am. Send me! (Isaiah 6:8).

Please give me generous wisdom, Lord (James 1:5-6).

I can’t. You can.

Speak, Lord. Your servant is listening (1 Samuel 3:9).

I cast my cares on you (1 Peter 5:7).

Not my will, but yours, God (Luke 22:42).

Help me be still. You are God! (Psalm 46:10).

Help me know your ways, God. Teach me your paths (Psalm 25:4).

I wait for you, Lord (Psalm 25:21).

My soul finds rest in you alone (Psalm 62:5).

Lord of all, you know—and you are good.

Good Father, watch over the ones I love.

Make a DIY prayer chain calendar.

Create a paper chain or paper booklet with a request or name on each link. Tear a page or a link off each day at a specified time (before bedtime, before afternoon snack, etc.), and pray together. Younger kids may like to draw something on every page instead. (Make sure you write down what that purple and orange crayon creation is.)

Create a prayer collage.

Cut and paste magazine pictures and printed photos together, adding your own drawings or other objects and textures. A piece of cord could remind you to pray for the friend who rock climbs; a section of sheet music for the person who loves to sing; a dog treat for the pet lover. You could arrange them around Bible verses about prayer. Display it where you’ll be reminded to pray.

Make your prayers smelly.

Scent is the most powerful sense to invoke memory. As you pray before bed, rub your kids’ backs or feet with scented lotion. Bonus: Touch helps kids feel our affection—another positive, relational experience kids will associate with prayer.

Start a prayer journal.

Let kids pick out their own—and yes, I think an Avengers prayer journal totally works. Keep them in a basket or beside the bed, and take a few minutes at dinner or bedtime for kids to write or draw something they love about God. You might glue a list of prayer prompts inside the front cover:

What name of God are you experiencing right now (Healer, Closest Friend, Rock)?

What or who feels heavy in your heart?

What are you thankful for today?

What do you need to confess to God?

Talk about what happened.

If a kid had a bad day, talk about what happened. If it’s age appropriate, hold your child while you’re talking (not unlike God does with us!). You could grab them a cup of tea or hot cocoa if they need extra comfort. Help them feel a tangible version of God alongside them. After listening well, pray with them.

Press pause.

John often pauses for several seconds before praying aloud. This communicates a bit about how we should enter prayer: stopping, listening, acknowledging God’s presence. It also helps our minds transition to the act of prayer.

Try old-school popcorn prayer.

Allow kids to pray simple, one-sentence prayers when you pray together—maybe before school, bedtime, or a meal. If you haven’t established a regular time to pray as a family, this might be an easy way to start.

Pray for a country.

We use the Operation World app to keep track of the countries my kids pick and pray for at night. (Regular maps and pushpins or maps kids could color in would work great too.) Jack has told me that on a couple of nights when we didn’t pray together, he prayed for the countries on his own. Loving that.

Praying for unreached people groups—we use the Joshua Project app—is also a great exercise when you have a map on the wall: “They’re from Mongolia. Can you find that?”

Sing together.

John sometimes leads us in prayer through the chorus of a worship song or the Doxology. This reinforces that our worship can be a prayer, and that prayer can take on all sorts of forms.

Get them moving.

Pray while you walk, run, or bike. If quiet time is a regular part of your kids’ routine, do they know they can walk while they do it? I also favor kids walking and praying if they’re steamed after a conflict.

Fill their hands.

Encourage easily distracted kids to fill their hands, doing something quiet and mindless as they pray: creating with Play-Doh or pipe cleaners, coloring, watercoloring, crocheting, opening pistachios, brushing the dog. If they have trouble keeping their minds on track, you might encourage them to play worship music or to pray out loud.

Like me, you might wonder how much praying is being accomplished. But let’s remind ourselves that prayer isn’t something to accomplish but a chance to be with Someone we love. I take solace in the fact that kids can associate prayer with resting in God’s presence and prayerfully thinking about whatever comes to mind. I also know sometimes my kids surprise me with how much they do listen when being wiggle-free is not a requirement.

Write prayer requests.

Let your kids write their own prayer requests, praises, or verses on a mirror or window with erasable markers.

Make music or artwork into an act of prayer.

Encourage kids’ natural creativity toward making music or artwork as an act of prayer. They might do any of the following:

•Write a song or poem.

•Play an instrument. I like playing the piano and singing. But listening to music can be a way to pray too. (Tip: Older kids may like composing using a site like Noteflight.com.)

•Paint or dance reflectively, perhaps to Christian music.

•Color a printable coloring page of Scripture (fun for kids to pick out on Pinterest).

•Make a poster of a verse they like (maybe for the door of their room?) or a “poster of praise” that represents something God means to them.

•Enjoy a creative journaling Bible (made with margins for creating Scripture art, journaling, and note-taking) if they’re chronically creative.

Get spontaneous.

In the car this summer, my kids and I watched smoke billow from another state’s wildfires, obscuring the horizon. I asked if someone would mind praying for those affected. My teen volunteered. We sometimes do the same when we hear a scary headline. Here are some other opportunities:

•After a nightmare or dream about someone

•After an intimate conversation—say, about something going on at school (don’t forget to pray for the people who cause anger or hurt)

•When you hear sirens or see emergency vehicles

•After a disciplinary moment, along with a lot of cuddling (ahem—no preaching in the prayer!)

•When someone is afraid or worried

•Praise God when your kids have shown character

•In the car, for safety and the occasion you’re traveling to

•Thank God on the way home from getting groceries

•On the way to or from the doctor or pharmacy or dentist—for health and for your health care professionals

•When someone is struggling (anger, lack of self-control, irritability)

•On the way to school or work—pray for those you’ll interact with (teachers too!), for chances to share Christ, etc.

•When facing a decision

•On the way to church

•When your child has been honored in school, church, or sports

Help your kids pray Scripture.

Purchase the ebook of Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals, and send it to your kids’ reading devices. It includes responsive prayers, carrying a social justice bent, and kids can take turns being the “worship leader.”

Pray Bible verses, possibly one they’re memorizing. Maybe print out free coloring pages with Scripture verses your kids can pray. Praying verses is a great way to wind kids down before sleep. Below are verses to memorize or explore together.

•“Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy” (Daniel 9:18).

•“He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done’” (Matthew 26:42).

•“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:24).

•“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:3).

•“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” (1 John 5:14).

•Prayer walk. Walk around your neighborhood praying out loud for things that come to mind. You can use Pray A to Z: A Practical Guide to Pray for Your Community or printable cards from Amelia Rhodes (www.ameliarhodes.com/pray-a-to-z/).

•My favorite prayer app: Echo. Echo is free—they call it a “prayer manager”—for iPhone and Android devices. It’s like an electronic prayer deck you stock yourself. Organize and keep track of your prayers and be reminded to pray them. Consider it your own war room…on your smartphone. This helps me to be faithful to love through prayer my friends, family, missionaries, and all the other things I want to lift to God. But heads up: Don’t let this slide you into grocery-list-style prayer. This is still a chance to be with God, holding friends and things you care about in his presence.

•A printable feelings wheel. As we come to God, sometimes a tool like this is helpful to narrow down how we’re coming to God from our day. It helps us to bring our day to God rather than pray around the elephant in the room (whether its head is bowed or not).

•For a printable “prayer deck” (where kids choose from an assortment of prayer prompts), “Prayer of Examen,” Five-Finger Prayer Method, Breath Prayers poster, and 31 Scriptures to Pray for Your Kids, visit janelbreitenstein.com/permanentmarkers/prayer.

•Why is it important to pray if God already knows what we’re going to say?

•When do you most like to talk with God?

•When do you feel close to God? When do you feel far away from him?

•Who should we pray for today?

•When I’m praying for you, what can I pray for?

•What are you thankful for today? What was your “high”?

•Is there a verse you’ve been thinking about lately? (Later, you can use the verse as prayer.)

•What adjectives would you use to describe your prayer life? What do you like about it? What’s intimidating, awkward, distant, etc. about it?

•What difficulties in your own prayer life make it hard to pass praying on to your kids?

•What people or experiences or verses have taught you about prayer?

•What are some of God’s most profound answers to prayer in your own life? Consider sharing some of these—or simply some current prayers and their answers—with your kids.

•What are some unanswered prayers in your own life that confuse you? How can you talk about prayer with your kids in honest yet truthful ways, despite your own spiritual bewilderment?

•What techniques help you “pray continually” (if you feel like you do)?

•What promises or thoughts about prayer from the Bible are most meaningful to you right now?

Prayer of the Dependent Parent

Lord, I want so much for my kids to continually be in conversation with you, to know you better than they know anyone. I long for them to be active listeners, to bring every emotion, action, thought, and conversation into your presence.

But that’s something I can’t create or control.

I know you know how to get their attention. You alone create the kind of soil that receives you and your Word with open arms. I ask that their hearts would know you and long for you: “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” (Psalm 42:2).

Help me actively nurture and model that relationship—and trust you even as I wait indefinitely for it to materialize.