Dedication
This book is dedicated to the author, source, and giver of grace, the Lord Jesus Christ, and to all those who find themselves in need of grace!
One
By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
1 CORINTHIANS 15:10
It started out as one of those perfect days. I walked around my perfectly ordered house, congratulating myself on a job well done. I glanced at five neatly packed suitcases, ready for a lengthy missions trip to England with my husband and four children. My laundry was done, and dinner preparation was in full gear. On my bed lay two masterful messages on grace I’d share the following day at a women’s conference at our home church. Though the pressure to speak at a conference just two days before our scheduled departure would overwhelm others, it seemed to have no effect on me. I remember my feelings of self-satisfied smugness as I contemplated all my accomplishments.
If you hate me so far because of my perfect life, don’t worry; it was all about to change—drastically.
My husband, Brian, walked into the house with our teenage daughter. They had left together that morning for Kristyn’s visit to the hairdresser, and she’d been only mildly annoyed about her long, blond tresses. Now the same child was almost unrecognizable. Gone were the flowing locks, and in their place were inch-long spikes with concentric blond circles. I stared for a moment before my mind registered that I was looking at my daughter.
Then it happened. I let out a long and loud shriek! Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of my tirade. I can’t remember how my daughter responded, but I know I let loose with a litany of comments a mother should never make to a daughter who is still in the throes of adolescence.
When my husband threw me the “Who are you and where did you come from?” look, I naturally turned my fury on him. How could he have allowed my daughter’s hair to be plowed into these ghastly furrows?
That man then had the audacity to ask me if I was planning on speaking at the church the next day with “that attitude.” Now the deepest reaches of my anger were loosed. I ran upstairs and grabbed my messages off the bed. Standing on the second floor overlooking the banister, I ripped them apart and poured their pieces down on astonished faces. Gone were the majestic messages extolling the glory of God’s amazing grace.
Brian tried to calm me down, but his words only made me angrier. I ran back into my bedroom and loudly slammed the door behind me. Then it began to strike me that I, the woman who was supposed to share on amazing grace, was a monster. I desperately wanted the control I’d exhibited hours before my daughter’s arrival home, but it wouldn’t come. I threw myself on my knees and begged God to help me get control. I didn’t want to be “that” woman I felt inside—the out-of-control woman who was scaring everyone around her.
Even as I prayed, I explained to the Lord that I was not “that” woman. I didn’t even know her. She was nothing like the image I had of myself. Again, I repented. This time I asked the Lord to remove “that woman” from my home. I berated her. I hated her. Having sufficiently explained my case to the Lord and repented, I went out to apologize to the family. Five dismayed faces stared at me as I profusely apologized for my appalling behavior. I told them I’d been as shocked as they were by the irrational display of anger.
However, as I articulated my apology, the girl with the polka-dot-cropped hair said something sassy, and the beast came back to life! Back to my room I ran. I was as terrified of myself as my family was of me. I was out of control. I couldn’t predict what I would do next. No one was safe, especially not me.
This time as I prayed I was crying and pleading with the Lord! I felt helpless against my own temper and irrationality. I told Him I wasn’t getting off my knees or even leaving that room until He delivered me from myself. I was ready to feel the full condemnation of His disappointment with me; I had failed my family, my husband, the ministry, and the church. I had not only acted unbecomingly, but downright beastly. I fully deserved whatever sentence the Great Judge meted out. I was ready to step down from ministry as well as resign any position in the church He chose.
The message that came to me from the Lord was far different from the one I expected. First, it was kind. He reminded me of the story of Nebuchadnezzar found in Daniel 4, the humiliating experience of the prideful military conqueror and king of Babylon. Having had a troubling dream, he summoned the prophet Daniel to give him the interpretation. When Daniel heard the king’s dream, he also became troubled and begrudgingly explained that the dream signified God was about to humble Nebuchadnezzar’s pride in a drastic way. Daniel urged him to quickly humble himself before God so the episode could be avoided.
Nebuchadnezzar placed this saintly advice on the back burner. Perhaps he amended his way for a time, but he went right back to his prideful self. Then one day a year later, as he was perusing his kingdom and boasting to himself about his glorious accomplishments, the inevitable happened. Even as the prideful words spilled from Nebuchadnezzar’s lips, a voice of judgment fell from heaven. At that very moment he lost all his senses and was driven to live among the beasts of the field until he acknowledged that the Most High ruled in the kingdom of men.
Like Nebuchadnezzar, I felt as though I had lost my sensibilities. I was totally out of control. Less than an hour before I had been walking in my own little kingdom of good works, congratulating myself on everything I’d done to merit God’s grace. Now I felt the Lord speak to my heart, Cheryl, this is you without My grace. Immediately I began to cry out for God’s grace to pour into, over, and on me. It did. This time, unlike the after of my other attempts, when I rose from my knees and left the room, the anger was gone. It hadn’t simply subsided. It wasn’t being suppressed. It wasn’t even there. It was gone!
By the further grace of God, my family was able to not only forgive me, but to laugh with me as I retold the story of Nebuchadnezzar with me in the starring role. When I sat down with the Lord and my open Bible later that night, I received two entirely different messages on grace from the ones I had neatly typed and set on my bed. They contained no finger pointing and no example from my “perfect” life for how to display the quality of grace. No. This humbled pastor’s wife shared the utter torment, beast-like qualities, and ugliness that happens when even for a moment God’s grace is absent from our lives.
What a lesson I learned and shared that day! God wouldn’t allow His amazing grace to be presented in a spirit of pride. Grace by its very nature is humble, offered to anyone who will receive it without regard to merit, accomplishments, or achievements. Grace is the great leveler for all mankind.
Growing Up Christian
Growing up in a Christian home, I thought I knew grace. I knew lots of Scriptures about grace. I loved the concept of grace—God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. I loved to sing about grace, whether it was the rousing hymn “Wonderful Grace of Jesus” or the soul-filled words of John Newton’s “Amazing Grace.”
I grew up at a time when hippies were being saved and sharing startling and compelling testimonies of God’s grace. However, until I felt the absence of God’s grace on that day of insanity, I never truly realized how desperately dependent I was on this amazing and abundant gift from God. From that moment forward, I never wanted to experience a graceless moment again. In all honesty, however, I’ve had many more graceless experiences, but now I more quickly diagnose the problem and hurl myself on the ceaseless grace of Jesus. The other experiences haven’t been as monumental, but they all taught me how slow I can be to realize my personal and constant need for God’s grace and then to appropriate that grace for myself. Honestly, I’ve found it to be a constant battle to ascertain, accept, and then truly appropriate the grace of God.
It’s funny how once you realize your need for something specific, it begins to stand out to you. It’s like when you want a certain type of car, and suddenly you see that car every time you drive or park the jalopy you’re presently driving. As I pored over the Scriptures in my personal devotions, or when I heard a Bible study, read a book, or sang a song with a reference to grace, it was as if lightning were striking. I began to see, as it were, a whole new battlefield in my life. At the center of the struggle was the great prize of a grace so much more abundant, precious, and powerful than I had ever imagined. If I were to truly receive and appropriate this great grace, I would need to enlist in the battle, learn the disciplines of grace, practice grace daily, and fight against my own personal enemies of grace.
I’ve heard when young men and women go to military boot camp, they’re stripped of all their previous notions about war, pushed to extremes beyond themselves, and trained in new disciplines for battle. This is how the great soldiers who persevere in conflict and win the victory are forged. It’s no different when you enlist in the battle for grace. You’ll need to relinquish any preconceived concepts of grace that don’t match the biblical definition. You’ll be pushed beyond your natural capabilities into what can be accomplished only by grace. You’ll need to be completely retrained and disciplined in the ways of God’s amazing grace. You’ll not only learn how desperately you need God’s grace but how to lean into His grace in everything and for everything. Your identity will become synonymous with the army of grace, and by grace you will obtain the ultimate glory of grace.
Now, if after reading my experience your thoughts are, Oh, Cheryl! Tsk! Tsk! Your behavior was abominable. I simply can’t relate to you at all, then perhaps this book is not for you. I’m not writing for the Mary Poppinses of this world—the women who can pull a measuring tape from their fully outfitted bags and announce, “Yes. That’s me—practically perfect in every way.” No!
This book is for those who
•struggle with condemnation.
•never seem to meet their own standards of perfection.
•feel overly burdened to meet the expectations of others.
•never feel as though they’ve done enough or done it well enough.
•constantly struggle with insecurities.
•are always trying to please others.
•feel substandard to other women.
•still deal with shame over the past.
•can’t seem to conquer their temper.
•feel defeated.
•long to be a better person.
•want more spiritual power in their life.
•want to make a difference in their world.
If this is you, get ready for an induction into the battle for the marvelous grace of God.
The battle for grace is the good fight. It’s the fight worth fighting. The prize is superior to and grander than anything you’ve ever fathomed. The victory has already been assured to you by the Champion of All Grace. Jesus trains our hands for war and leads the way in this conflict. He has supplied you, by grace, with everything you need to win the prize. Victory is near.
Are you ready to enlist? Do you desire to really understand and appropriate God’s grace in your own life?
Before we enter the boot camp of grace, it’s important to understand the prize we’re fighting for. Without a cause, an army will lose a conflict. They need a purpose and a prize. To enlist in the battle for grace wholeheartedly, and therefore effectively, we need to define and elaborate on the stunningly lavish properties of grace. We’ll do that in the next chapter. Once you begin to grasp an understanding of God’s grace, I’m sure you’ll be eager to enlist in the battle for grace.
Lord, please reveal Your amazing grace to me. Allow grace to be more than a far-off concept or lofty ideal. Grant me a fresh understanding of the exceeding grandeur and necessity of grace in my life. I ask this because of the exceeding riches of Your grace given to me through Your Son, Jesus Christ. In His name, amen.
For consideration:
1. Can you think of a time when you’ve felt the absence of God’s grace?
2. What is your perception of grace?
3. Do you feel defeated, out of control, or helpless in any area of your life?
4. What draws you to know more about God’s grace?