American 9429, LAX to JFK, 6:53 a.m.
I’ve never thought about actor Chris Noth more than in the week I turned in this book. It started because the reboot of Sex and the City titled And Just Like That… (guess they’re done with sex?) came out, and he reprised his character, Mr. Big. Apparently, he rides a Peloton in the first episode and dies. People can’t stop talking about it, and Peloton did an advertisement with him almost immediately. I didn’t even get to see it because just a few days later two women accused him of sexual assault in the past and so Peloton pulled it. I don’t know if it’s true, and he has publicly denied it, saying they were consensual encounters. At the time of this writing, it’s a still-developing story, but here’s a different story about the time I flew with him.
By now you’ve probably noticed the remarkable number of notable black celebrities I’ve sat next to on flights. You might be wondering, “Do you only fly Soul Plane?” The answer is, “No, but I absolutely would if it were available.”
I’m writing about memorable experiences. People and conversations that really stood out. I can shut my eyes and picture myself there. Is it my fault that most of these people are not white? Sure, I flew next to some notable whites. Most of them weren’t that exciting or engaging. Christopher Lloyd picked his nose for over two hours. That was pretty cool, I guess. I mean he really dug in there and cleaned it out. It was an excavation. He used the full rotation of his fingers, hands, and arms. Pronation, supination, all of it. I watched for almost the entire duration of the flight. Sometimes I’d go back to reading or watching a movie, and then I’d look back and Lloyd would still be rimming out his nose. It was impressive. Did I want to write a chapter about it here? No. I think the last few sentences were more than enough.
There was one notable white person that I’ll never forget sitting next to on a flight and that was Chris Noth. I wasn’t yet a ticket seller but I was a frequent flier, and that day they called my name at the gate accompanied by the sweetest sentence in the world, “You’ve been upgraded.”
When you’re a hustling, grinding, sometimes starving comedian who struggles to pay the bills, there is no better feeling than finding out you’re going to fly comfortably for the next few hours. This day it was the primo flight from Los Angeles to New York, the big one. Not only is this a long flight, but there’s a high probability of notable people on it because it travels between the two cities where the big dawgs live and play.
I was seated first, and a few moments later, Mr. Big of Sex and the City fame sat next to me. I immediately recognized him. He’s extremely good looking and, of course, famous. Clearly, the women on this flight were Sex and the City fans and, boy, was it a sight to behold. I’ve had and have some very good-looking male friends. It’s clear when you’re with them that they have an effect on the opposite sex. Women look at them in a way they’ve never looked at me. They linger and laugh when nothing funny is said. It stands out to you as a guy because you realize it’s the way you act toward beautiful women. It’s fascinating, a little embarrassing, and hilarious to watch. I’ve been around these guys, but this was Mr. Big. This reached a whole other level. Mouths dropped, drool formed. The young, very attractive flight attendant serving us was trembling, literally. She “forgot” to ask me what I wanted to drink and brought him a coffee that must have been terrible. He cringed.
“Jesus Christ! This is the worst coffee I’ve ever had.”
He wasn’t being an asshole. He was having a terrible coffee experience. I can respect that.
He called another flight attendant over and handed her the coffee, explaining that it was bad, really bad. We began a conversation, and I have to say, when you start talking to someone famous, you have expectations. Well, at least I do. I never know if this person will be open, pretentious, engaging, or aloof. But Chris Noth was pretty damn awesome. He was curious and generous with stories, a natural conversationalist—the type of person I’d later learn is great to have on a podcast. When the young flight attendant returned with the new coffee, she was staring at him, frozen, as if she was unsure how to speak. His response: “Oh, come on! It’s a show!” I know what you’re thinking, but from my perspective it was an understandable reaction; and it was genuine, it just spilled out of him.
Dude was totally over it. It got me thinking how exhausting it must be if all day, every day, women in this country fixated on you, living out a fantasy from a TV show where you played a part as an actor. Fun for a while, I’m sure. But after a few years of it? That has to be taxing, especially if you love the craft of acting. And, sure, maybe you’re having sex with some of them, but after a few thousand it’s gotta get old, right? Not that I’m saying that Chris Noth was having sex with thousands of his fans, but if he was, God bless.
I went up to use the bathroom and caught the older flight attendant actually lecturing the younger one.
“Keep it together. He’s just another passenger.”
Holy shit! I’d never seen anything like this before; a woman was physically falling apart, incapable of doing her work because of a guy’s presence. It was like those videos you’d see of Michael Jackson and other pop stars visiting Eastern European countries who weren’t used to being in the presence of celebrities. People would weep and faint. This was incredible! I guess I didn’t really believe stuff like this happened in real life. When I returned to my seat I told Chris Noth about it, but I did not get the reaction I expected.
He shook his head.
“Goddammit.” He was totally resigned. I realized it had to be the hundred thousandth time he’d heard something like this. I took it as a cue to change the topic.
“Law and Order is great!” At the time he was only a few years removed from Law & Order, but that show was replayed on so many different channels you’d swear he was still on set.
“Procedural.”
I didn’t even know what he meant by it, but I nodded. I knew “procedural” was shorthand for crime shows like Law & Order and CSI. Those shows follow the format where a crime is committed, investigated, and solved, all in one episode. I thought he was down on himself about being a part of that show, so I tried to lift him up.
“Those shows are so good.”
“I’m thankful because it’s given me financial security, but as an actor there’s nothing to it. It’s just the same thing over and over.”
I thought about it. He’s right. Those shows really do follow a blueprint that never seems to change.
The detective asks the cabdriver, “Did you notice anything odd about the guy you picked up on Saturday night? Would have been after midnight.” And the cabdriver never even flinches, like he gets questioned by detectives every few days. The actors playing detectives also squint a lot. It’s apparently a job requirement to have a solid squint face when playing a detective on television. If you went to drama school I’m sure you want to flex more than your eyelids. Most people say, “Who cares? Do you know how much money these actors make?” True, but while getting paid well is nice, it can’t be all that fulfilling as an actor.
I’d never really considered that someone on a hit show might be yearning for something more. As I contemplated what he’d said, he interjected. “You know what’s great, though? Who is doing great work with the writing and, oh my god, the acting!”
I had no idea what he was going to say, but I really wasn’t expecting what he said next.
“Downton Abbey.”
Huh?
“Really?”
“The stories! And what those actors are doing… best show on television.”
He was so animated about it—I could tell he was yearning to do that type of work, but also he clearly loved the show. I have to say it did stick with me, and not long afterward, I watched Downton Abbey. All of it. Including the specials. And the movie. It’s epic and absolutely a masterpiece. I never imagined that I—a dirty comic who talks about sex and race and the general nonsense that I encounter—would become totally invested in what happened between the Crawleys and their servants. The stories, the drama, the acting! Chris Noth couldn’t have been more right. Lady Mary and the Turk! Lord Grantham’s financial distress! What has Bates done?! I can’t wait for the Dowager’s next quip!
I was reminded of something I once heard that I wish I could attribute to the correct source, but I have no idea who said it. “When it comes to art, greatness is not subjective. Greatness is undeniable.” Kudos for the rec, Chris Noth. You’re the only worthwhile white I’ve ever flown with.
I really hope the accusations against Noth aren’t true. If you can’t trust someone who recommends Downton Abbey to be a good person, who can you trust in this world?