Although we have come to the end of this story it has, in fact, no real end. This man still lives with his family in Kimovsk which, over the years, has grown into a much larger settlement full of three and four-story buildings. As in years past, he sits at his desk each morning working on his story, trying to express himself better, to describe the hope and despair that are part of his continuing struggle.
His wound healed twenty-five years ago, but the formation of scar tissue has resulted in attacks. The damaged areas of the cerebral cortex could not be restored. Hence, when he tried to think, his mind had to detour around these scorched areas and employ other faculties with which to learn and try to recover some lost skills.
He desperately wanted to wake from this terrible dream, to break through the hopelessness of mental stagnation, to find the world clear and comprehensible instead of having to grope for every word he uttered. But it was impossible.
Time is flying. Over two decades have slipped by and I’m still caught in a vicious circle. I can’t break out of it and become a healthy person with a clear memory and mind.
The average person will never understand the extent of my illness, never know what it’s like unless he experienced it himself.
And so he reverted to the past, for he could not understand why the world had become so peculiar, why war was necessary, or find any justification for what had happened to him. Twenty-five years before he had been a gifted young man with a promising future. Why did he have to lose his memory, forget all the knowledge he had acquired, become a hopeless invalid condemned to struggle for the rest of his life? This was simply beyond him:
I can’t understand why oppression and slavery exist in other countries. The earth is rich enough to feed and clothe us all, to provide more than the bare necessities, to brighten the lives of generations to come. What need is there for war, violence, slavery, oppression, murder, executions, poverty, hunger, back-breaking work, or unemployment in countries that have so much wealth?
He continues to try to recover what was irretrievable, to make something comprehensible out of all the bits and pieces that remain of his life. He has returned to his story and is still working on it. It has no end.