Sabine spent four months in the Amsterdam jail, but on August 25, she was manacled to a male prisoner and transferred to the Kriegswehrmachtgefängnis on Gans Street in Utrecht to be sentenced.
Among her papers, I found an official-looking card with a small hole in the top. The tear along the top indicates it had hung on a nail, but otherwise it is in good condition. The information on it is as follows: Zuur, Sabine Louise; DOB 15.7.1918; her prison number, 1101; and her offense: Spionage und Feindbegünstigung [spying and helping the enemy].
The accompanying note instructs me not to throw it away and explains it is the identity card that hung in her prison cell in Utrecht.
Only at the beginning of September did Moeder Bien receive some news from her daughter, her one fortnightly letter she was allowed to write.
The letter heading bears the stamp of the Kriegswehrmachtgefängnis Utrecht. Next to it is Sabine’s name and number: 1101.
What a shame that you came to Amsterdam for nothing, as I had already left for Utrecht on the 25th August. I have meanwhile received your laundry and the food parcel. Thank you so much!
Here I may receive a parcel and laundry every week and also cigarettes and flowers. I am looking forward to those! I can also receive unlimited letters. Please ask everyone to write to me. I would like to have your photo that is on my desk too. And, Mams, please ask to speak to the commandant and ask if you can visit me. It will probably be allowed and it would be so lovely!
In a smuggled letter written the following day, on September 6, eight pages long, Moeder Bien finally found out what had happened the previous week.
On August 25, for no reason indicated to Sabine, she was suddenly, after four months’ incarceration in the Amsterdam jail, transferred by train, under armed guard, to the Wehrmacht jail in Utrecht to be sentenced. On this public and humiliating journey, she was accompanied by five guards and another four male prisoners, one of whom was manacled to Sabine. It was the first time in months that Sabine was out in the fresh air and seeing people going about their daily business. She had no idea what was going to happen to her. “Mams, I was so scared, I thought the end had come.”
The sentencing two days later took place in a big cold hall decorated by a large Hakenkreuz (swastika) flag. Of the other four suspects, she knew only Jan van den Hoek. His name had been mentioned several times during her interrogations.
In her letter of September 6, she wrote:
Present 27th August at 9 a.m., spoke briefly to our “lawyer.” The five of us were made to stand in front of a big green table: the Kriegsgerecht [court martial], consisting of five high-ranking German officers. Apart from our lawyer and us there was a translator and our interrogator from the Sicherheitsdienst.
The officers stopped for a lunch break between 1 and 2 p.m. She did not record if the prisoners got any lunch or were just made to wait. The verdict was given the same afternoon.
I and two others were “abgetrennt” [forced labor until the end of the war] and Jan and the other man were sentenced to death. There will be an appeal of course. There is 80 percent chance of a pardon apparently. Hopefully I will not be sent to Germany, although there is always a chance.
Sabine’s conviction was Feindbegünstigung und Spionage. Later she was rather proud of that label. Compared to Jan, she got off lightly. In passing, on the way out, she tried to say some encouraging words to Jan and the other man, but what can one say to a condemned man? Jan, who had been arrested a few days after Sabine, was executed in secret three weeks later on September 18, 1943.
Sabine also fell in the feared Nacht und Nebel category, meaning no one was allowed to know where she was or even if she was still alive. If she died, no one would ever know. She would disappear without a trace.
Compared to the jail in Amsterdam, living conditions here were considerably better. The German commandant of the jail turned out to be a “gentleman,” according to Sabine. “He allows the cell doors to be open during the day and we can socialize and eat together in the two big cells. We are allowed to receive unlimited cigarettes and parcels and we are allowed to wear makeup.”
About her fellow prisoners she wrote:
This is a nice jail. Sixteen women. I share a big cell with three others. There are also two Belgian women here. They, as well as two others, have been sentenced to death. But women always are pardoned, according to the commandant. I am accused of “Behilfe zur Spionage.” Most of them are here for similar reasons and most have a husband or fiancé who is or will be condemned to death. Terrible. Luckily we are allowed to sit outside in the courtyard during nice weather. Once a week a warm bath. What a luxury jail, Mams...we are very optimistic here and think the war will be finished before the end of the winter, especially since it looks so promising in Italy.
Hopefully we will meet soon again. Bye, lieverd. Lots of kisses. Bientje.
In the summer months, the Allies had landed in Italy, and at the end of July, Mussolini had been arrested and deposed. A few days before Sabine wrote her letter, on September 3, 1943, after weeks of negotiations, a truce had been signed between the Allies and the Italian government. The good news spread far and wide, even into the jails.
The women’s quarters where Sabine was housed were separate from the main building. They had their own courtyard and entrance. Meals were taken in one of the large communal cells, around a large wooden table.
The SS guards were cruel, though, and the commandant, knowing this, assigned some Dutch female guards to his female prisoners. They had stayed on from when the place was an ordinary jail before the war. He knew they would be kind to the women, as indeed they were. One of them, Miss Toll or Tolletje, was too kind and was herself sent to Ravensbrück, where she met up with Sabine again, but also where she died. They made life bearable for the prisoners. Drawing materials were brought in for Sabine, and a local women’s group was allowed to bring extra toiletries and food. One of these women was Grace Steijns, the wife of Sabine’s doctor. The couple were both gynecologists in Utrecht and also involved in the Resistance. Michel (Chel) Steijns was arrested himself not long after Sabine was in Utrecht. He was sent first to Camp Vught, and later to Mauthausen, where, by some miracle, he and Sabine met up again.
Towards the end of September, Sabine wrote another letter to her mother thanking her for the beautiful flowers. One of the friendly guards had told Sabine that when Moeder Bien delivered the flowers to the jail, she had been rudely treated by the guard at the entrance.
Mams, don’t worry when the German guard at the entrance shouts at you. Sometimes the guards come in here and shout at us, but the fat Dutch female guard says not to worry. They are Wehrmacht and harmless unlike the SS guards, like the ones we had in Amsterdam, who are bastards.
She apologized that she constantly asked her mother for more food, but her cellmates always shared their food with her, and she wanted to reciprocate. The meatballs her mother sent her, even though made of surrogate meat, were much appreciated by all.
The trousers you sent are lovely and warm, but I am putting on so much weight around my hips. All my clothes are too tight. Everyone is putting on weight, due to lack of exercise and too much food. As soon as I get home, it will all go. Are you looking after yourself and are you eating enough? Are you managing to keep going?
By now, Sabine had learned that Broer Moonen had also been executed, about a week after Gerard on August 7, 1943.
She wrote to her mother:
Poor Broer. I was so looking forward to at least see him again. He was Gerard’s best friend and always supported him loyally. Now they also share the same fate. I always hoped Broer could explain a lot of things to me about their arrest and sentence etc. I hope there is someone left from their cellmates who can tell me these things.
The morning of his execution, Broer sent a farewell letter to his father and four sisters.
“Dearest sisters and father,” he wrote, “this morning I have suddenly been told that I will be executed at 2 p.m. I will die without fear and with my head held high.” His execution took place near Amersfoort, the same place where Gerard’s life ended too. He was twenty-nine years old.
Since all Sabine’s fellow prisoners were accused of similar serious crimes and no one had been sent to a concentration camp for a while, she was hopeful that she would not be sent either. In a smuggled letter a few days later, she again thanked her mother for the food she sent. Everything, the cake, the cheese, was delicious.
But what was even better was the encouraging war news. According to rumors in the prison, the battle between Russia and Italy was going well.
Thanks to all the letters from her mother and her friends, she was up-to-date with the latest gossip from home. News of impending births inspired her to make little cloth animals to send to new babies. She asked for needles, bits of material and stuffing to be added to the next food parcel. The toy animals she made never reached her friends. Before she could send them, she was moved. After she left the Utrecht jail, Moeder Bien collected them along with her clothes and the identity card that hung in her cell, and which she had secretly sewn into her clothes to keep as a souvenir. Stealing documentation was a serious offense.
I have always kept the little animals, and I am still amazed that my mother made these. As far as I knew, she could hardly sew on a button.
By now, mother and daughter had not seen each other for more than five months. On October 8, 1943, Moeder Bien received a telegram that must have caused her great anxiety:
Phone between 6 and 7 to number Utrecht 19516. Urgent.
When Moeder Bien phoned, she was told that her daughter would “go on transport” the following day. Sabine hoped that, while she was taken from the jail to the car, there would be an opportunity for them to see each other in passing.
Very upsetting, but tomorrow I will be sent to a camp, probably Vught. I really liked it here and have been busy making little rabbits for all the expected babies. [...] From the fact that the two others who were abgetrennt [sentenced to forced labor] are also leaving tomorrow and the two condemned men are not, I understand that the punishment has already been completed. Poor boys. Another two, Jan van den Hoek I knew, but not the other one. He was engaged. Enfin, all this feels very unreal at the moment, but once I am home, I will realize it all much better. When will that be? Oh God, dearest Mams, if only you knew how much I long to be home. So mean that [if] you did not get permission to visit me, it will probably not be possible in a camp either. But I hope we can see each other tomorrow, even if it is at a distance. I hope it will not make you too sad, but I am sure you will want to see me too.
I am being sent, as the only woman, together with thirty-seven men and of course the necessary guards. I have been given lots of food and hopefully, wherever I am, I will still be allowed to receive parcels. So for the moment I have plenty to eat.
I have no idea if Moeder Bien was able to go to Utrecht, and if she did, were they able to see each other? It seems unlikely.
Meanwhile, the Russian army was making good progress and recaptured several cities. The news from the Front was a shot in the arm for the prisoners. They were so encouraged by it that several women had already packed their suitcases, ready to go home. Sabine too, was very optimistic.
“Mams, the war is going fantastic, isn’t it? There is still a chance I will be home for Christmas.” She ends with, “Bye, darling Mams, keep faith. I will be home soon, really. Lots of love and a big hug. Sabine.”
Altogether Sabine had spent nearly six months in Amsterdam and Utrecht jails.