Chapter 15
Life is stressful. So much to manage, so many relationships to attend to. The last thing we need in our lives are more assholes. You know the type; irritating, obnoxious, constantly aggravating those anywhere near them. They have certain common traits:
· They have an answer or opinion on everything, especially on things they know nothing about.
· They are great at playing “devil's advocate,” shooting down other people's ideas without offering up any of their own.
· They do or say things just to piss people off.
· They're always focused first and foremost on what benefits themselves.
· They think that “Telling it like it is” at all times and never using tact is an excuse for saying shitty things.
If you manage any kind of team, group, reading circle, whatever, my recommendation to you is to “fire the assholes.” They may be high‐performing, they may generate sales, they may be extremely talented, but over the long haul the assholes will always bring a team's performance down. Assholes are demotivational to those around them. They create a toxic environment where people no longer want to express ideas. While the asshole may be a top performer, the asshole tends to inhibit the other team members from performing at a level they are capable of.
Too often in life we allow ourselves to suffer assholes in the misguided belief that somewhere down the line we will reap some kind of benefit from being around these people. Assholes come in all types and sizes. They can be blustery and bullying, quiet and passive aggressive, seemingly friendly, or outwardly hostile. They are hot beds for gossip as well as controlling information. The asshole often holds his or herself above or away from the group. These people are excellent at pointing out why ideas probably won't work. It is the easiest thing in the world to do and any asshole can do it. I mean, come on, who amongst us can't listen to an idea and identify all the various reasons why an idea might not work? That is the entire point of calling something an “idea.” If it were a “thing” already, then there would be no need to have discussions around what might be possible.
There is no need to discuss if airplanes can fly if they already exist. But I'm sure back when Wilbur and Orville Wright were pitching their idea of a flying machine there was some asshole going on and on about how it would never work, and that they were stupid to try and would probably die a horrible death.
And here's the thing: the assholes are not wrong. Pointing out the obvious negative possibilities of any situation is an asshole's specialty. If they are right they get to bask in all of their “I told you so” glory. If they are wrong they shrug their shoulders and say, “Yeah, but they probably can't do it again, or keep it going, take it to the next level, make any money at it,” or any number of asshole raisons du jour as to why they will eventually be right.
If you want to make shit up and do new things in your life you have to tune the assholes out. Better yet, if you can cut them out of your life altogether you will find that you will free up huge swaths of emotional and psychic energy. Looking stupid, experiencing failure, having your ideas judged are already hard enough. To then have external forces beating you down can make the act of creating damn near impossible, and at the very least extremely unpleasant.
My goal in life is to make things as easy and pleasant as possible. Therefore I prune assholes with the vígor and dedication of a middle‐aged suburban dad weeding dandelions from his immaculate front lawn. (My lawn is overrun with dandelions and I don't particularly give a shit. Pick your damn battles.)
The asshole often manifests him‐ or herself in the role of the aforementioned “devil's advocate.” You know, that person in a meeting who, when an idea is offered, chimes in with:
· (Read in the most annoying tone you can possibly think of.)
· “Well, let me play devil's advocate for a second…”
And they go on to illuminate all the ways that something won't work or the various horrible things that could possibly come from that idea. I want to jab my eyes out with a sharp #2 pencil the second I hear that person speak. Since you know how I really feel, let us look at a practical way of handling the devil's advocate in any kind setting.
Whenever I am facilitating a meeting or directing a group, a technique I use to disarm “the devil's advocate” or anyone else being overly critical during the ideation or initial creation phase is to make sure that no one can offer negative comments without having some intellectual skin in the game. What I mean by “intellectual skin in the game” is that if someone offers a negative comment or observation, I as the person in charge of the group immediately ask that person to offer an idea or potential solution on his or her own.
I will not allow someone to sit back and sharp shoot ideas without offering some of their own. When the “devil's advocate” realizes that their own ideas will be open to criticisms it is amazing how quickly they step back from the constant negative feedback of other people's ideas. In a group setting, mandating that everybody has intellectual skin in the game ensures that no one person just sits around crapping on everybody else's ideas.
There is an odd thing that I have found: the asshole tends to never leave on his or her own. They tend to just be there, day in and day out, bumming everybody out. The long‐term presence of an asshole in your midst often will lead to the nonassholes leaving, which only ups the asshole's influence. When factoring in who to replace or promote, I can't tell you how much emphasis I put on whether someone is or is not an asshole. It is probably the number 1 or number 2 reason I have ever removed somebody from a position. If two people are qualified for a job, but one has more assholish tendencies, I'll always go with the lesser of two assholes.
Do not confuse an asshole with being a strong, self‐confident person who speaks their mind, argues for their ideas, and isn't afraid to disagree with others. These same, nonasshole types will also argue for other people's ideas, speak up in defense of other people, and will be open to changing their mind when someone else presents a good argument or set of facts/data that create a different picture. These same people are also self‐aware enough to know that they aren't always right, and willing to consider other points of view.
So if you need to make changes on your team, start with the assholes. If you are the asshole of your team, well, start that change with you.