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If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.
—African proverb
Networking Is an Awesomely, Ridiculously Unfair Advantage. Use It!
The world isn't fair. Many times even if you have the right skills, you don't get the job and the most common reason is “somebody had an in.” Somewhere between 60%1 and 85%2 of jobs are filled by networking. It's how the world goes round. People don't make hiring decisions on the best resume and qualifications alone. They put a lot of weight on who you know and who will speak well of you.
The job search, and much of life, is about relationships. Those relationships are built upon a foundation of networking. Unfortunately, a lot of people are as uncomfortable networking as they are with public speaking or asking someone on a date. It raises the specter of rejection without a clear idea of what success looks like.
But like it or not, afraid of it or not, a strong network is often what sets the person who gets hired apart. If you aren't building a network, not only may you lose out to someone less qualified than you today, but you are missing out on opportunities in the future. Many job openings never get posted or announced because the hiring manager creates the role internally to bring a specific known candidate in.
The bias toward “known individuals” is something everyone has. It's tribal and coded into our DNA. Don't think you have this bias? Ask yourself if any of the following sentences are true for you:
· “When I go to a party I talk to my friends and the friends of my friends before I introduce myself to new people.”
· “I am more likely to make positive assumptions about somebody when someone I consider competent has respect for them.”
· “At work, I would be more inclined to hire someone a current employee vouched for over a candidate from a job board.”
In short, the world runs on relationships, and networking needs to be a major part of your job search strategy.
“I'm at the stage of my career now where almost every sale I make, every deal I close, every job I get hired for, has been directly as a result of my network. I don't think I've cold-called anybody in over a decade. After 20 years in the business world, I can honestly say that at least 80% of the value I bring to an employer now is due to my network and Rolodex. It's true: It's not what you know, but who you know.”
—Employee in need of more Rolodex cards
How to Network
According to research from Columbia University, the average person knows 600 people in total,3 but only between 10 and 25 well enough to say they trust them. That's a strong foundation, but how do you use that network to help you?
The Strength of Weak Ties
In his doctoral thesis, famed sociologist Mark Granovetter revealed how social networks help us land jobs. The key insight? It is our weak connections, and not our strong ones, that actually make a difference.4
The people you do not know well, with whom you do not have a shared history, and who you do not see on a regular basis—those are the ones who will help you the most. It makes sense. Who do your good friends or professional connections know that you don't?
Invite Everyone You Know (and Don't Know) to Connect on Social Media
“One of the best things I've done over the years is connect with almost everybody I meet through LinkedIn, regardless of whether I meet them through business or my personal life. I've connected with my plumber, some guy I met for ten minutes in line at Starbucks, and even my old teachers from high school. I now have several hundred connections, and no matter what company I'm interested in, I almost always find that I can get a warm introduction from somebody in my network, rather than having to cold-call in.”
—Employee who just sent you a LinkedIn request
Now is not the time to be shy. Go to your preferred social network/s, and connect to everyone you can. Don't limit yourself to close friends or past co-workers. All of the following people should be invited to connect.
· Extended family members
· Alumni from your school/s
· Acquaintances
· Second-degree relations (both personal and professional)
· Current employees of companies you previously worked for even if you never met them
· Senior figures in your preferred industry (never hurts to ask)
· Members of clubs or organizations you've joined
· Congregants of your house of prayer
· Members of your military unit
The larger the number of people you're connected to, the more opportunities you create to be a “known individual” or referenceable by a “known individual.”
Smash That “Like” Button
Ever wonder what would happen if you “liked” every photo on your Instagram feed? An engineer named Rameet Chawla wrote a script to do just that, which he dubbed “Lovematically.”5 The results … he grew his follower count by 30 a day, was invited to more parties, was stopped on the street by people who recognized him, and received repeated requests to post more. He got so popular that Instagram shut him down!
One thing that's clear on social media is you have to “give” if you want to “get.” Don't be a lurker. Make your presence felt by actively engaging with the content you see posted. This can be a “like,” a retweet, or a comment.
People on Social Media Are Primed to Help You
Sometimes referred to as “the cuddle hormone,” oxytocin is a chemical that, when released in our brains, heightens feelings of trust, empathy, and generosity. After spending just ten minutes on social media, a person's oxytocin levels can rise as much as 13%, which is the hormonal spike equivalent of some people on their wedding day.6
Understand that you can ask for help on social media … and get it. The trick is you can't make asking for help the first thing you do. Instead we need you to build up your online brand.
It's Not Just the Subject Matter—Words and Tone Matter
Most of us use social media to dress up or showcase mundane parts of our lives. “Look how great my food looks” or “check out my new apartment” or “see how happy my family is.” Psychologists refer to this as “self presentation,” which means telling the world how you want to be seen. (You're so good at this visiting your own Facebook profile will boost your self esteem!7) This is what I call “safe posting.” You're doing what everybody does, so it doesn't stand out.
However, if you want your network to help you find work, it's time to think differently. Are you positioning yourself as someone others would want to recommend?
There is an apocryphal story about a person who comes upon three bricklayers working together on a project. He asks the bricklayers, “What are you building?”
The first bricklayer responds, “I am building a wall.”
The second bricklayer responds, “I am building a building.”
The third opens their arms and looks up at the sky before proudly declaring, “I am building a cathedral!”
Which of these three people would you recommend for the next bricklayer job? All of them were performing the same task, but they had very different descriptions of the work. To network well, you'll need to channel the third bricklayer when you post to social media. Let's get specific.
Share Openly What You're Passionate About
All of us have things we love in life. It's time to tell everyone about yours. A large body of psychological research shows that people are drawn to others who exhibit “perceived similarity.”8 In simple terms, the fastest way to establish meaningful connections is to have a shared passion. Marketers call these affinity groups. But you can just call them “people I find easy to talk to.” And passion for just about anything will work.
In one experiment,9 researchers found that people have the same physiological response to photos of product logos as they do to photos of their closest friends and family. The takeaway: If you love your Peloton, go ahead and tell people. Love your electric car? Shout it from the rooftops! Love your Spanish class? Digales todos!
Anyone who “likes” your post is someone worth connecting with. This is a simple tactic for finding PLUs (People Like Us), and this pool of acquaintances might just be the difference in your next job search.
People Are Attracted to Momentum
Does the idea of posting a gym selfie make your skin crawl? Are you embarrassed to share the results of your baking projects? Do you think, “who would care about the class I'm taking?” Well, I need you to put that introversion away. I'm trying to get you a job here, and the investment you make in networking compounds over time. Remember, someone just being acquainted with you can be enough to put you over the top when an employer is selecting among final candidates.
When posting to social media, the thing to realize is that while people like baby pictures, they love stories. The more you can provide a narrative—progress, milestones, or accomplishments over time—the more interesting you become. Doesn't matter if you're getting fit, upgrading your wardrobe, or rebuilding a car. Before-and-after photos kill. And don't be afraid to take us on the journey with you. You may think it's vain, or bragging, or exhibitionist, but passion is infectious. What you care about becomes interesting to all of us. Talk about some aspect of your life where you have momentum, and share the gritty details. That's how a post (or sequence of posts) gets popular, and your circle widens.
Note, I'm not just talking about Facebook and Instagram. Don't be afraid to let your personal life bleed over into your professional presence on LinkedIn. Especially if you're looking for a new job. Are you back in school learning new skills? Tell your professional network. Are you learning a new language? Tell your professional network? Are you playing chess? Tell your professional network. Remember to be vulnerably effusive in sharing your passion. It will expand your network and enchant future potential employers.
One BIG cautionary note. Some things you may be passionate about are so divisive they will reduce your opportunities to expand your network and/or turn members of your existing network into detractors. You'll want to think very carefully before speaking out on any of the following issues:
· Politics
· Religion
· Vaccines
· Conspiracy theories
· Climate change
· Gambling
· Natural remedies
· Guns
In the Real World, Don't Network for a Job, Network for a Relationship
Whether you're at conferences, industry events, or heck, meeting the parents of the other kids at your school, you don't network for a job—you network for relationships. It just so happens that some relationships lead to jobs.
When you meet somebody, especially in a business setting, the most common first question is, “So, what do you do?”
From now on that's the last question you ask.
The whole point of networking is to make a personal connection with somebody, and just about the least personal, most utilitarian question you could ask somebody is “What do you do?” Instead, start with the personal stuff. No more small talk. I want you to take them straight to “medium talk”! (Credit to Larry David.)
Aside from getting to know them better, it will also set you apart from all the other people in a room who ask the same unremarkable questions over and over. There's a number of conversation starters out there on the Internet, but here are a few of my favorites:
· What do you do for fun?
· So what's on the top of your bucket list?
· If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
“When I was 16, our robotics club in high school invited a Ford Motor Company engineer to speak to our group. Afterward, I sent an email thanking him, and he offered to help if I ever had any questions. Over the years I took him up on that. He wound up advising me on what college to attend, what classes to take, what area to specialize in, what graduate school to choose, what thesis topic to investigate, and even what jobs to accept after school. And then, after a 25-year friendship, I applied for and got a job on his team. Who knew that somebody I met when I was 16 would hire me when I was 41.”
—Employee and long-term networker
Make the Most of a Formal Networking Meeting
Sometimes we reach out to people in the real world to ask for help or advice. This can be alumni from our alma mater, respected members of our industry, or even just acquaintances.
I encourage you to do this, and to plan ahead so that you get a positive outcome. Here are some quick tips:
· Be explicit. Whether it's someone you know or a cold call, be direct in what you're asking for (phone call, coffee, etcetera), and what you'd like to discuss. It's awkward to ask them for a job, but you can say you're looking for jobs in their field.
· Do your research. This is not the time to ask questions that can be answered on Google. Look up details about their career and industry so you can demonstrate your sincere interest and be seen as a peer.
· Align your interests. People get excited about their own interests. And if your interests align, they get excited about you.10 Use the research you've done to find common passions.
· More humble, less brag. Studies show that people hate hearing humble brags even more than they hate straight-up bragging.11 You're here to learn from someone who has more knowledge on a topic than you. Impress them with your passion, not your phone contacts.
· Offer to help. Just because they are helping you, doesn't mean you can't do something for them. Listen to what they share and see how you can provide value. Maybe suggest a new restaurant or offer to chat with their child applying to your alma mater.
Summary
· Humans' bias toward “known individuals” makes networking an essential activity.
· People are biologically predisposed to want to help you, so give them that chance.
· Social media gives you everything you need to make connections and stay top-of-mind.
· A job should be the last thing you discuss when you network, but always be ready.
Notes
1. 1. Danielle Elmers, “The Job-Search Statistics All Job Seekers Should Know,” TopResume, March 4, 2020, www.topresume.com/career-advice/7-top-job-search-statistics.
2. 2. Lou Adler, “New Survey Reveals 85% of All Jobs Are Filled Via Networking,” LinkedIn, February 28, 2016, www.linkedin.com/pulse/new-survey-reveals-85-all-jobs-filled-via-networking-lou-adler/?src=aff-lilpar.
3. 3. Thomas A. DiPrete, Andrew Gelman, Tyler McCormick, Julien Teitler, and Tian Zheng, “Segregation in Social Networks Based on Acquaintanceship and Trust,” American Journal of Sociology 116, no. 4 (2011): 1234–1283.
4. 4. Mark S. Granovetter, “The Strength of Weak Ties,” American Journal of Sociology 78, no. 6 (1973): 1360–1380.
5. 5. Erin Griffith, “How One Founder Used Instagram Likes to Earn $500K in New Business,” Fortune, February 14, 2014, https://fortune.com/2014/02/14/how-one-founder-used-instagram-likes-to-earn-500k-in-new-business/.
6. 6. Penenberg, A. (2012, August 04). Social Networking Affects Brains Like Falling in Love. Retrieved January 08, 2021, from https://www.fastcompany.com/1659062/social-networking-affects-brains-falling-love
7. 7. Namsu Park, Kerk F. Kee, and Sebastián Valenzuela, “Being Immersed in Social Networking Environment: Facebook Groups, Uses and Gratifications, and Social Outcomes,” CyberPsychology & Behavior 12, no. 6 (2009): 729–733.
8. 8. R. Matthew Montoya, Robert S. Horton, and Jeffrey Kirchner, “Is Actual Similarity Necessary for Attraction? A Meta-Analysis of Actual and Perceived Similarity,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 25, no. 6 (December 2008): 889–922.
9. 9. Tobias Langner, Jennifer Schmidt, and Alexander Fischer, “Is It Really Love? A Comparative Investigation of the Emotional Nature of Brand and Interpersonal Love,” Psychology & Marketing 32, no. 6 (2015): 624–634.
10. 10. L. A. Rivera, “Hiring as Cultural Matching: The Case of Elite Professional Service Firms,” American Sociological Review 77, no. 6 (2012): 999–1022.
11. 11. Ovul Sezer, Francesca Gino, and Michael I. Norton, “Humblebragging: A Distinct—and Ineffective—Self-Presentation Strategy,” Harvard Business School Marketing Unit Working Paper 15-080 (2017).