14
This is the story of why I left Islam. I have kept my name secret for obvious reasons-in Islam, apostates (people who leave their religion) are given the death sentence. So if my identity is known, my life will be at risk. I can only tell that I am a male, originally from Pakistan. In this story, I explain what made me leave Islam, the defects in Islam, and why I think that Islam cannot be a religion from God. I explain the basic Islamic psyche and quote valid, recognized Koranic ayahs (verses) and hadith (traditions) to support my claims. These quotations have all been made in the correct context-it is an old habit of Muslim apologists to protest that the ayahs are taken out of context. The reader is welcome to verify the correct quotations by referring to the Koran and hadith themselves (online or in book form).' Many Muslims may think that my story is not true, or that I have falsified things. I say this because I understand the Muslim mindset-it hurts them to see anyone leave Islam. So to stop the hurt, they would rather label me a liar. But I have not lied. Every sentence of this story is truthful and real.
I was born to Muslim parents. I lived most of my life in Pakistan, which is an Islamic republic where more than 95 percent of the population is Muslim. My grandparents were religious Muslims, especially my grandfather, who was famous in the family because he was very pious and god fearing. Even though I had never met him, I liked to see his pictures, thinking of him as a sacred person-at that time, he was a role model for me. My family used to say that I bore a resemblance to him. In a secret way, only known to me, I used to think I was Allah's special child. I always felt closer to Allah (the Islamic God) than normal people did.'
Before my middle school exams, I started praying to Allah. I remember those nights. I would perform ablution with devotion, and wear simple clothes (called a shalwar qameez in local language Urdu). The shalwar qameez was faded and unironed, but soft and comfortable. I knew Allah liked simplicity, and this was my way of showing my respect and love for him. Then I would go to the farthest corner of the deserted living room of my house to start praying. I'd go to the living room as if I was going to a special altar to make contact with Allah. I'd leave the lights out, because I liked the darkness. I thought the darkness would prevent me from loosing my concentration in prayer, and keep my attention away from material things: the carpet, the walls, the curtains, and ornaments on the wall. I would want to give my full concentration to Allah. My favorite part of prayer was the sadja (kneeling down), I felt closest to Allah in those moments. I guess the sadja is the part of prayer when we show highest humility, bowing to Allah.
Perhaps I was just doing all that to get good results in my exams, which I did get. My parents were also happy with my results, and I got admission in the college I wanted. It was a well-reputed place, but the quality of education in our country was poor, especially the government education system, and this was the system which the college had. Anyway, I lost my religiousness after getting into college. It seems funny, but it was natural. We remember God when we're in trouble. Where would you remember God more? In Hawaii, lying on the beach, sipping lemonade, or when you're stuck in a concentration camp?
For many years, whenever I heard any strange noises in the night while going to sleep or whenever I had fear in my heart of burglars or thieves entering our house, I would recite the four Quls (four special avahs of the Koran for warding off evil), blow air around to spread the "holiness," and then go back to sleep, praying to Allah to keep our house safe from burglars. I was definitely the extrapious guy. While going to and from university, on the eight-hour bus journey, I would wait for darkness to fall and sometimes I would read Koranic ayahs or the darood-sharif (darood is the prayer for the prophet Muhammad), until I'd get tired and nod off to sleep. Even then, I'd keep reading the darood. On any long journey, in the nighttime or evening, I would see stars or far-off lights and imagine sometimes that they might be jinns (spirits). I would sense the power of Allah in all this creation and often this feeling would give me a chill in the spine. These would be moments in which I would read the darood with a lot of devotion and humility. My objective to read the darood was to be safe from evil and to gain the forgiveness of Allah so I may enter heaven when I die. I prayed to Allah to keep me in his "shadow" all the time.
After I got into university, I grew religious again. Why'? Because it was a new place and I was lonely and didn't have any friends. I used to get some comfort by thinking that at least someone (God) loved me. Most "friends" I had were fake, and used to do leg-pulling all the time, which I hated. So at least I had some friend who was going to be with me all the time. I knew I couldn't have as much fun as the bad guys did, swearing, partying around, and not studying. I wasn't brought up like that. My parents were very strict and this had limited my ability to enjoy life tremendously.
I believed that I could depend on God at moments when people were making fun of me or having pity on me. I had a packet in which I kept special avahs and recitals. These were my special, revered tools, which I used when I was in trouble, feeling mentally disturbed, or lost. I would lock my room, switch on the lamp, and read the avahs with concentration, and praying to God to solve my problems. After praying, I felt God would help me. My university was in a scenic place, a clear sky, fresh air, and mountains around it. On and off, I would enjoy going to the roof of my dorm, which would be deserted at night. With the stars above me, away from the normal hustle and bustle of the other boys, I would feel that I was really close to God. I felt Allah around in the air. I would imagine there were Allah's angels around me. I developed a mark on my forehead, due to intensive praying. It was a special mark, and anyone who had it was a real faithful namazi (someone who prays).
So that's how I lived the first year of my university life. But slowly things started changing. Previously, I always believed that religious guys will go to heaven and will do better in life, because God is always with them. I thought that the guys who were not religious, who didn't pray, who swore, and who made fun of maulvis (religious people, often with a beard) were the guys who would go to hell.
Slowly I started seeing that there were some real losers in the group I met in the mosque. At the same time, I saw guys who never went to mosque, but were great people. My thinking that religion was the key to becoming a winner started to diminish slowly, and I started seeing that being a good person or not doesn't have to depend on religion.
Thus, I began to think that being a winner or not has little or no connection with religion. Surely the guy who never even went to Friday prayers but was a great person, who stayed happy, spoke his mind confidently, and had friends was better than the loser I met in mosque every day who was a hypocrite. Then, when I came back from university, I passed through a great depression, mostly due to my past life. I had suicidal thoughts. I started to wonder why I was thinking like this. Why was my life so sad? Why could I never be happy? Why were other people who were not religious happier than I was'? I saw that they were happy, because they were free people and they were not unnecessarily afraid of anything. I started to find out why I was so suppressed. A large portion of my university years had also been spent in depression and even suicidal thoughts at times. I started to write a journal and put down all my thoughts in it. I read somewhere that keeping a journal can help us in our personal problems when they seem too difficult. Many people who leave Islam were victimized by it in various ways. The same is true for me as well.
I found that I was a suppressed human, mostly because of my abusive parents. Childhood scars are hard to heal, though possible. I found myself tied up in chains. Slowly, my depression turned into anger. I wanted to be free of these chains and my mind lashed out at anyone who tried to bind me into anything. I had started to write my thoughts in a journal, because I heard it helped to express ourselves. In my journal, I wrote:
When I started thinking about my past life, I discovered that my low self-esteem was a result of my parents abusive behaviour towards me. No doubt about it. So it wasn't my fault that I had this low self-esteem. Having discovered that, I went on to tell God in my heart, that if he didn't pull me out of this shit, I would not forgive him. After all it was no fault of mine that I was in this shit. I was angry that my life had been spoilt due to no fault of mine.
I quote my journal to help the reader understand what was going on in my mind. Anger was the feeling that caused me to tell God that he had to pull me of this mess. These are my exact words I recorded in my journal at that time:
God I will never forgive you if you don't pull me out this misery. I will definitely not be happy with you if you are not the primary being who helps me out of all of this, because it was not me who had the choice of my parents and thus my childhood. It was primarily you who put me here, so it will be you who will get me out of this. Yes.
In my mental pain, I reasoned with myself that God was definitely out there and he was the only one who could help me for sure. I wrote in my journal:
God help me help myself.
At another point, I wrote down my feelings, in which I was talking to God:
Was it my fault that I got the parents I did? Were things under my control when my mother didn't treat me with real love, affection and patience? No it's not. And I told God that if I didn't get better till the day I was married I would go ahead and kill myself. I don't want this life. It's my life, thank you for giving it to me but remember I didn't ask for it. And thanks a lot for giving me such a lovely childhood due to which I am in this present state of depression. I would rather give my life in charity than to live it. I am now because of what you put me through. Now you have to pull me out of it. Of course I am trying and will keep trying. But if I don't get my objective met, I will kill myself. Punish me with whatever you can. But I would like to remind you that I did not ask you for my life and thus am not under any obligation to you. I would, if I were better and felt thankful towards you for giving me a better life and circumstances. Remember I haven't asked for any material things because they don't matter. This is my life and I have a right over it, the right to continue it or the right to end it. Of course you have infinite powers and you can do anything you want, end my life even right now etc, but I would like to tell you that this is my life and I have the right to do whatever I want to do with it. The one thing which I allow you to do (although you don't need anyone's approval) is to punish me for things, which I did and were harmful to other people. That is justice and that must be provided to everyone. But I have the right to end my life, and I don't think you should punish me for ending it. Well, for one thing, thanks for giving me such a lovely childhood due to which I am in this state. So, God, if I cant improve despite my varied efforts and I get the feeling that you are not helping me and will never help me, I will end this life. No point in going further. Do whatever you can to punish me but I will not allow this hell to continue. Thus, I again request you to help. Help me straighten out this mess which is not my fault, but yours. Definitely, there are people who had lovely affectionate, patient parents and their results are clear in their children. Tell me, does parenting have no effect on the personality of the child? Impatient, under-affectionate, easily irritable parents have a marked negative effect on their children. Why on earth do I have all these problems? Low self-esteem, depression? It's not my fault. Since it is not my fault, and one of the deepest desires of any human being is to feel satisfied and feel an overall sense of well-being. God, it is your duty to help me now. And if you're not gonna help me, thank you for this life but I would say goodbye to it. There's no point in living it. It's all unfair. All wrong. I am not begging you for help. I am telling you that it is your duty for you to help me, because you gave me this disadvantage. I've recognized it and want to correct it. You're the one who's going to help me correct it, if I cant do it myself. At least tell me what to do, or guide me. But primarily its your responsibility to correct it even if I fail to do it on my own, because remember, I didn't put myself on disadvantage on my own choice. Who would? I mean, mental injury just cant be compared to physical injury, I think you know this. And specially if having high SE is the most important thing to me. It's all so unfair. I look at other people and feel so much disabled and helpless and deficient. I mean, why on earth couldn't I have been satisfied with myself?
Then I thanked God:
By now, I've been helped by God (I acknowledge this) in recognizing my present state. I thank him for giving me the eyes to see it, where others are oblivious of it, like my sisters and mother. I know I was neglected in my childhood.
Now when I look back and see the process of my thoughts, they appear interesting. In Islam, suicide is not allowed. It is considered haram (unlawful), and the Prophet said that anyone committing suicide would be punished on the last day, by repeatedly killing himself forever. Here's the exact hadith I dug up from alBukhari:
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his Abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever."3
So you see, Islam does not permit suicide. But when I was in this phase of life of extreme depression; all I wanted was my depression to go away. If it was not going to go away, I decided I would kill myself. Suppose I had two choices: either to live my life pathetically and miserably, or to kill myself, end this pain, and finish this life. I could not see myself living this pathetic life, and on the other hand, there was Islam saying that I could not end it.
I reasoned that this is my life and I will end it if I want to. I did not ask God for this life. God was powerful and he had the power to solve my problems. If he didn't help me, I had the right to end my life. Recognizing the right to end my life was the beginning of my freedom. It is true that ending one's life is not the best solution, but one always has the right to end his life, just like he has the right to harm himself.
I moved ahead to decide that Allah (or God) did not need our prayers (called namaz in Urdu). God was an infinitely powerful being. He was not and could not be dependent on humans in any way. He did not need our praise or prayer. If it could be anyone who benefited from praying to God, it would have to be ourselves only. Then I reasoned that if it us who get the benefits of namaz (prayer) and not Allah, then we as individuals should have the choice whether to do that thing or not. After all, if I chose to cut my own finger, its absurd to punish me for cutting my own finger. Hell, it's my finger. I can cut it if I want to. The benefit or loss of cutting my finger is mine only. No other human will suffer due to my finger being cut. One could say that if all the humanity cut its fingers, maybe we would suffer as a whole, but again, our fingers are ours. This is the bottom line. I should be the one to decide whether to cut my finger or not. Thus, reading namaz is my choice. I should not be punished for not reading namaz. This was, of course, contrary to what Islam said. Islam said that namaz is compulsory.
In my journal, I wrote down the logic of not praying:
I feel this world is a great test. We have all been given a scene to deal with. We have to use our senses to see what to do. God doesn't need our religious acts, like saying something 100 times a day. It's very logical. Its really something stupid if they say that for every 100 times you say a certain word, there grows a tree in heaven for you, whose shade is so large that an Arabian horse would take 40 years to run and cover its diameter. It is downright absurd. I mean, that if prayer had the magical quality which people say it has (keeping you away from evil, etc. etc.), people who said regular prayers would really stand out in the crowd (I'm not saying they would be glamorous or something, but just that you know, it is like that anyone can distinguish between him and another person who doesn't pray). Anyone can say that these sorts of good deeds are rewarded when we die. First of all, what good deeds? Good deeds are something due to which someone benefits (you yourself or any other person). If it is Allah who benefits from our `good' deeds, it is a wrong concept. The being, the entity, which has made black holes and the whole universe and complex things like humans and insects and what else not, surely can't benefit from my praying. God doesn't need our prayers. He doesn't get any pleasure form our praying. That would mean that his pleasure or satisfaction is dependent on what we do. And that means the balance of power has been shifted. God would then be dependent on us. Just like an infant is dependent on his parents, or plants are dependent on sunshine for their growth. Since God has infinite power, he is not dependent on anyone and is not inferior to anyone. Thus, we can rule the thing that God is happy when we pray to him or do something equally religious that has its connection only between God and us (like reciting something quietly to ourselves).
Still, we are given to reciting something when we are in pain or trouble. Why? Because we acknowledge God's power and the fact that he is our creator. We are asking him to help us. That is very logical. God has the power to help us. Although this just came to my mind that if god knows everything, he should also know when we are in trouble. So why doesn't he help us automatically? Because we have to ask for his help. It's again logical. The crying child gets the milk. Again, right now, I am asking god, please help me and keep helping me as much as possible, please? Just a prayer. When my prayer gets answered and to what degree is a complex question, to which I don't know the answer.
So one thing is clear. God's happiness is not dependent on our praying. Anyone can say, its actually you yourself who benefits from prayer. That is true. It's psychologically soothing as they say. It gives you support and hope when there is none from anywhere else. So following your religion strictly, is not the way of life. I believe we humans have the capability of thinking logically in any circumstance. Not everyone has it. But you can develop it inside you.
Anyway, this is my life and I'm gonna live it the way I want to. If I harm someone and he doesn't forgive me, that is god's work to provide that person with justice. I acknowledge that. And I fully deserve that punishment. But if that someone is me myself, I have already harmed myself. I have already punished myself. If you burn yourself, would your mother go ahead and beat you because you harmed yourself? I am only answerable for any harm, which I inflict on others. For my own harm, I am the only person who will suffer and not anyone else. God won't need to punish me if I harmed myself. And again, if I don't pray or do other religious things, I alone am responsible for any damage done to myself. I certainly don't have to be punished for that. Of course one of the major things is to decide whether a certain thing is harmful or not. Its all common sense.
About personal well-being and how it was the first important thing, as opposed to being close to God, I wrote:
For people like her, the concept is that if you are religious you automatically become satisfied. A great mis-concept. "Everything will be all right when you are closer to God." How about being closer to yourself first? That's more important. God comes afterwards. Isn't that true, God? If I am not close to myself, I possibly cannot be closer to anyone else, be it my wife, my children, my family, my friends, and God. It's this that is the first lesson to be learnt.
To trust yourself, to be kind to yourself, to be affectionate to yourself. Those who are too criticizing of themselves and always finding faults within themselves (consciously or unconsciously), never being able to praise themselves for anything good they did (if able, that too in a light manner), never being able to feel really proud over anything good they have done, these people are always unhappy with themselves. The first job is to be happy with yourself, honestly, sincerely. How can you be healthy with other people if you have conflicts within yourself?
At another point, I wrote about my personal struggle:
If this thing is not solved (I might discover this fact when I am old), I have told God many times in my heart that I will not forgive him for this. No matter how powerful he is (he can do anything since he created the world, even change hatred of him into love for him.), my dislike towards him will not change of my own will. I am sure he would not like that.
So my thinking had progressed to the point when I knew that the choice of reading namaz (prayer) had to be mine. And the idea of punishing me for not reading namaz was not logical. Anything that benefits me only should be my choice, and not my duty. I guess this was the point from which I started to develop some dislike for religion. I further probed my mind and decided that if the Prophet lived his life, I will live mine.
I also made another interesting observation. I reasoned with myself that if God is all-powerful, he is not affected by whatever I say or do. For example, my praise to God does not affect him. Likewise, God is not affected by anyone who abuses him, or anyone who says bad words to him in his heart. Imagine there are two men. One is a reasonable guy with a strong head on his shoulders. A passerby comes and abuses the guy, hurling obscenities. This guy doesn't mind the abuse, and thinks the passer-by might be insane. He finds it funny and ignores the abuse. The passer-by abuses another person, but this guy is not like the first one. He becomes angry and his blood boils up, while he proceeds to give the passerby a piece of his own mind, abusing him also.
Now decide, which is the stronger one? The one who was able to maintain an indifferent attitude or the one who got angered by the abuse? Shift this concept to Gods. There is one God who is affected by human abuses. Another who is not. Who is more powerful? Who is better? The God that is not affected by abuse, right'? Great. So I decided that if God exists, he has to be the best god. He is not affected by abuse. I tested this thing by abusing God in my heart. It seemed to be working. I didn't see any lighting coming down, I didn't see the sky falling. God is there, and he isn't minding my abuse. Thank you, God, for not minding my abuse. I know you are powerful enough and sensible not to mind abuse from someone who is so much less in power than yourself.
This discovery was against Islam, too. Ask any Muslim, "Is swearing at God bad?" He will probably say, "Astaghfirullah IGod forbid], what kind of question is that?" And he will either be hurt or become angry at you. By now, I was fairly convinced that Islam had serious defects, but I didn't know that I would find more!
By this time I was ready to leave for abroad, to begin my studies. This was the second phase of the changing of my religious thinking. I was going to the United States and found that the people here were generally people of dignity and self-respect, while the country I was in was generally full of people who had no conscience.
Before coming to the United States, I made a tour of Medina, the holy city of Islam, with my near ones. There, when I saw people running around the Kaba (house of Allah), I thought these people are crazy. I saw the people doing umrah (a running ritual) and I ran (for the last time in my life), too, with them. Just to get the last hang of all this Islamic mentality and where it led us. What's all this running around and praying to God doing for the Muslims? Nothing! I looked at the global scene. Muslims are not doing well in the world. Their economy is in shambles, and their governments are corrupt. While I prayed I hurled abused to God and the Prophet and told them in my heart, This is my life. I'll do whatever I want to do. You can go away. I knew God would not mind my abuses to him, so I abused him, too. Why'? To get rid myself of religious fear, to take these stupid fears out of my mind. At times I would laugh at what I was doing and sometimes a thought would come to mind, Am I doing the right thing? My mind would answer my own question with the same basic argument: This is my life and I will definitely do what I want to do.
This was what gave me back my peace of mind. So when I came to the United States, I found the people over here were nice as well. Rather, much nicer. I saw the reason they are prospering. The reason was that they are not the losers the people of my country were. My country was Pakistan. Of course, there are all types of people everywhere, but there's a general personality level of every country and it is unique to that country. I knew that Pakistan's general level was way below the level of people in the United States.
Does religion even matter? No, it does not. Consider the following reasoning:
1. A person keeps the religion he is born to; that is, he has the same religion his parents have. In more than 90 percent of the cases, he keeps the religion. Very few people change their religion.
2. I did not have control over where I was born. Thus, I did not control which religion I was going to be born into.
3. So if the religion I have is only decided by where I was born, then is religion important?
4. Muslims say that it's important for everyone to be a Muslim, because according to Islam (XLVIII.13 and others), kaafirs (people who are not Muslims) will go to hell. Tell me, what credit is it of a Muslim to be a Muslim? What fault is it of a non-Muslim that he's not Muslim? None, right? You could say that non-Muslims can change their religions to Islam, after seeing the truth, but in fact the majority of people do not change their religion. Changing your faith brings you into difficulties, for example, opposition from your whole family and losing your links with your past. Bottom line: In the vast majority of cases, you keep the faith you are born in, and its difficult to change that faith.
Thus I deduced that religion does not matter. To every Muslim I ask this question: "Why are you Muslim? Because your parents were Muslims, right?" To this, some answer that it was God who chose them to be Muslims. Well, why on Earth is it someone's fault if God did not "choose" him to be a Muslim? Is it that guy's fault? Why will he punished for not being a Muslim, when in fact it was God who chose that guy to be a non-Muslim?
There were several things that made me see that Islam was very much flawed. A very common belief in Islam is that Allah controls the destiny of all things. My question is, then, Why is man punished for his bad deeds? Since it is already decided by God that he'll do bad deeds, then why will the poor guy be punished for something that is not under his control?
Islam says do not eat haram things. Haram things are those forbidden in Islam. Again I thought, anything I eat affects me only. If I want to eat grass or garbage, is there any law in any country that says I should not do so`? By eating garbage I am harming myself only. Thus, whatever I eat is my choice only. I will eat what I want to eat. And it's not logical to punish me for something I should not have eaten. To people who are thinking that I must follow God's orders because I am his slave: Well I am not! This I my life and I did not ask him for it. I owe God nothing. God, if he exists, can have only one thing for his creation, and that is love. God cannot hate or become angry with human beings for small, petty things such as missing prayer or eating something not allowed. The hell I care! Everyone around the world eats pork and haram chicken and beef as well. And they are healthier than Muslims.
I discovered that Islam does not give women equal rights to men. This was very absurd. Here is one of the several ayahs in the Koran (holy book) that clearly says that women are inferior to men and they have fewer rights as well:
Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. (IV.34)
It says, "Good women are obedient." Just like slaves are, right? This is unfair to women. After all, no one chooses before birth whether he or she is going to be born a man or a woman. In the same way, it does not matter if you're a man or a woman, and it does not matter what religion you have, because these things are not under your control. In most cases, we keep our sexes and we keep our religions, the same way we were born.
Islam says, "There shall be no compulsion in religion" (11.256). Then why will non-Muslims be punished? Also, if there is no compulsion in religion, why is it "mandatory" to say prayers? Forget my own reasoning, look at the following ayah, which completely contradicts the first one: "He that chooses a religion over Islam, it will not be accepted from him and in the world to come he will be one of the lost" (111.85).
When I came to the United States, I saw other nationalities and ethnic groups close up: nice Hindus, white people, Mexicans, Christians, Chinese, Buddhists, Indonesians, and so on. It is not possible that these nice people can burn in hell eternally. Take Mother Teresa or Princess Diana, for example. It's not possible for these nice women who had nice hearts to burn in fire forever. Muslims don't think about this. They take the burning in fire very lightly. Burn your little finger today, just the tip of it, and see how painful it is.
One other reasoning I had is that burning in hell forever is an infinite punishment. Now life is finite and a person can only commit a finite amount of sin. It is unfair to punish a finite amount of sin with an infinite amount of punishment. It doesn't make sense! You can always give more reward than he deserves to a person who does good, and no one will complain about this. But to give more punishment than what a sinner deserves is not justice. It is tyranny.
Islam is all about not paying attention to what really matters in life. That's why Muslim countries are generally pathetic losers. Look at their governments. What would happen to Saudi Arabia if the oil fields dried up? Pakistan, which doesn't have that much oil, is already dwindling. Poor economy, poor government, high corruption, inflation, and illiteracy. The thing is, after all this reasoning, it is virtually impossible to knock sense into Muslims. They will think I am the evil who is trying to lead them astray.
Islam is very clever in trapping its believers.
Muhammad said:
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: No baby is born but upon Fitra. It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist. A person said: Allah's Messenger, what is your opinion if they were to die before that (before reaching the age of adolescence when they can distinguish between right and wrong)? He said: It is Allah alone Who knows what they would be doing.'
Regarding the above hadith, common sense says that it's not possible for a baby to be a Muslim before it is born. This is just crazy and, again, it's a tool for Islam to show that God is so powerful that he makes infants Muslims before they are born and it is their parents who make them non-Muslim. Crazy indeed. We are born into whatever religions our parents have. If they are Christians, we are born into Christianity. If Muslims, we are Muslims, too.
My current beliefs are agnostic, that is, there is a possibility of God's existence. If God exists, he can have only love for humans. He cannot hate or be angry with humans. Also, any religion that forces anything on people and any religion that says that it is the right religion and all the others are wrong is nonsense. A person has a right to live life his own way. He will not be punished for exercising his freedom of thought and action, except where he has harmed other humans in ways he would not like others to harm him.
At least the certain truth I know, that I have the freedom to live my life any way I want to, and Islam, the religion that does not recognize my freedom, can certainly go to hell.
I know it's difficult for Muslims to think of leaving Islam, which prescribes the death sentence to people who leave it. Notice that they are the ones most dangerous to Islam, because they have seen the dark valleys, and they know it inside out.
At first when I read about Muhammad being a pedophile, I felt maybe the writer had overreacted a bit. After all, if Muhammad was really a pedophile, the evidence that supported this would have to be very light and hard to find. I thought, How could the leader of the fastest-growing religion be a pedophile? It sounded impossible! But I was wrong. I did my own research and will present here some hadith from al-Bukhari. The collection of hadith made by al-Bukhari is regarded as the most authentic hadith collection in Islam.
Narrated `A'isha: The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot while we were Junub. During the menses, he used to order me to put on an Tzar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me. While in Itikaf, he used to bring his head near me and I would wash it while I used to be in my periods (menses).5
Don't forget that the Prophet was more than fifty-four at that time, fondling a little girl who was only between nine and eighteen years old. Considering the worst case, nine years old is still considered very young. Muslims give all kinds of justifications when asked about this topic.
Narrated `A'isha: that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old, and then she remained with him for nine years (i.e., till his death).'
Narrated `A'isha: I used to play with the dolls in the presence of the Prophet, and my girl friends also used to play with me. When Allah's Apostle used to enter (my dwelling place) they used to hide themselves, but the Prophet would call them to join and play with me. (The playing with the dolls and similar images is forbidden, but it was allowed for `A'isha at that time, as she was a little girl, not yet reached the age of puberty.)'
I bet Wisha, the Prophet's wife, had a crash course in having sex. The girl hadn't even finished playing with her dolls and here comes a fifty-one-year-old man with a long beard, and he wants to marry her so that he can fondle her! Muslims would rather go deaf and dumb than be informed that the person they hold very dear and sacred in their hearts was actually a pedophile. Another hadith shows how obsessed our "dear" Prophet was:
Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet used to pass by (have sexual relation with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives.
The Prophet had sex nine times every night. The Prophet paid much attention to his sexual desires, as the following hadith will reveal:
Narrated `A'isha: Whenever Allah's Apostle finished his `Asr prayer, he would enter upon his wives and stay with one of them. One day he went to Hafsa and stayed with her longer than usual.'
Another hadith that shows how much Muhammad thought about sex is: Narrated Maimuna: "Whenever Allah's Apostle wanted to fondle any of his wives during the periods (menses), he used to ask her to wear an Izar."10
I don't need to say more. For the Prophet, fondling of his wives was a normal and routine thing, and that, too, during menstruation, which is a painful thing for many women.
Here is another hadith about the Prophet.
Narrated Zainab bint Abi Salama: Um-Salama said, "I got my menses while I was lying with the Prophet under a woolen sheet. So I slipped away, took the clothes for menses and put them on.
"Allah's Apostle said, `Have you got your menses?' I replied, `Yes.' Then he called me and took me with him under the woolen sheet." Um Salama further said, "The Prophet used to kiss me while he was fasting. The Prophet and I used to take the bath of Janaba from a single pot.""
Here are more hadith, describing 'A'isha, Muhammad's nine-year-old wife:
Narrated `A'isha: Allah's Apostle said (to me), "You have been shown to me twice in (my) dreams. A man was carrying you in a silken cloth and said to me, `This is your wife.' I uncovered it; and behold, it was you. I said to myself, `If this dream is from Allah, He will cause it to come true.' "12
Muhammad married her, because he dreamed of her. Imagine a fifty-oneyear-old guy dreaming of some six-year-old girl (the hadith says she was six when they got married, and at nine years the marriage was consummated). The amazing thing is that all of this is supported by authentic hadith.
Even though Muhammad liked to fondle and kiss woman and have sex with them nine times every night, in reality, he had a disgust for them and thought were inferior, lesser mortals. The only thing he saw as likeable in women was that they could fulfill his sexual desires. The following hadith is self-explanatory:
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: Once Allah's Apostle went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) o `Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, "O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women)." They asked, "Why is it so, 0 Allah's Apostle?" He replied, "You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you." The women asked, "0 Allah's Apostle! What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?" He said, "Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?" They replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?" The women replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the deficiency in her religion."13
So women, all over the world, take notice of how poorly the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad, thinks of you. Tell me, 0 women, is the menses your fault? No, it is a part of your feminine character and in no way does it make you inferior or less religious. If it did, like Muhammad said, more women will go to hell because they menstruate and in that time they cannot pray to God, then tell me, is it your fault? No, it is not!
O Muslim women, take heed from this! Islam is an evil religion. Do not teach your children to be Muslims; rather, teach them to think on their own, instead of blindly following this religion whose leader had a big sexual appetite and thought poorly of women. Not only this, but Islam has many other faults. 0 women, you are half the world, which is a big number! You can help to eradicate Islam, this evil lie. You are closer to your children than your husbands are. Do not teach the Koran to your children! If possible, keep them away from this hateful, oppressive manual as much as you can.
In almost every Koranic ayah, the end is usually something like: "and Allah is Mighty, Wise." This is what brainwashes Muslims and stops them from doubting or having second thoughts about that particular ayah. The Koran wants its believers to believe all it says, without asking any questions or having doubts. If they doubt, they are threatened with "eternal hellfire." Here is a pseudo-ayah to illustrate:
And live life like losers and do not follow the transgressors. Verily, those who were not god-fearing, will have a painful end. And Allah is Mighty, Wise.
This is a bottom line of every Koranic ayah, for those who choose to see. Islam commands all to live life like losers. Those who don't follow Koran will suffer in the end. Anyone who feels a question coming to his mind: Live life like losers? Why? is hushed into silence by scaring him with God's might and wrath. Using your own head in Islam, to decide whether a certain ayah is valid or not, is not encouraged. The transgressor is he who thinks with his head. Here is a hadith that again, shows how much respect Muhammad had for woman, and how deep his thinking "really" was:
Narrated Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi: A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "0 Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)." Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, "0 Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me." The Prophet said, "Have you got anything to offer?" The man said, "No, by Allah, 0 Allah's Apostle!" The Prophet said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something." The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything." Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring." He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, 0 Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet) ." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her." Allah's Apostle said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked." So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have."14
In the hadith above, the woman was married to a certain man just because he knew a bit of the Koran. And she was never asked if she wanted to marry him or not. How degrading for a woman!
A hadith that shows Muhammad sees only four things in a woman: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. What about the goodness of heart, which matters the most?
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers."15
Here are hadith where Muhammad says that women are evil omen:
Narrated Abdullah bin `Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "Evil omen is in the women, the house and the horse." 16
Narrated Usama bin Zaid: The Prophet said, "After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women." 17
Even the Koran says that women are a degree lower than men, and men have authority over women. Also, the Koran wants women to be obedient to their spouses, just like slaves are to their masters (IV.34). Muhammad says that if a woman wants to be more religious, she cannot be so without the permission of her husband:
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband's permission if he is at home (staying with her).""
On top of this, as we already know, Muhammad says the majority of women will be in hell. To anyone who wants to be a Muslim woman I say, 0 Muslim women of the world: wake up! Do not let your life go to waste anymore! See the truth! Do not accept a religion that thinks so poorly of you! Islam is the religion of the devil! Allah is all-knowing and wise (emulating the same brainwashing tool used by the Koran). A woman also has to fulfill the sexual desires of her husband. Man's desires are above her own and if she does not agree to fulfilling her husbands desires, then angels will curse her:
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning." 9
Can these words be coming from a prophet of God? No. He was not a prophet. He was a great, clever liar. Now I will give some Koranic ayahs here, which show what Islam thinks of women. I have quoted the full ayahs, to show the true context. These ayahs show clearly that women are thought of something lesser than man and they have fewer rights as well.
And the divorced women should keep themselves in waiting for three courses; and it is not lawful for them that they should conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the last day; and their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile if they wish for reconciliation; and they have rights similar to those against them in a just manner, and the men are a degree above them, and Allah is Mighty, Wise. (11.228)
Here is an ayah that says the testimony of two women is equal to the testimony of one man:
O you who believe! When you deal with each other in contracting a debt for a fixed time, then write it down: and let a scribe write it down between you with fairness; and the scribe should not refuse to write as Allah has taught him, so he should write; and let him who owes the debt dictate, and he should be careful of (his duty to) Allah, his Lord, and not diminish anything from it; but if he who owes the debt is unsound in understanding, or weak, or (it) he is not able to dictate himself, let his guardian dictate with fairness; and call in to witness from among your men two witnesses; but if there are not two men, then one man and two women from among those whom you choose to be witnesses, so that if one of the two errs, the second of the two may remind the other; and the witnesses should not refuse when they are summoned; and be not averse to writing it (whether it is) small or large, with the time of its falling due; this is more equitable in the sight of Allah and assures greater accuracy in testimony, and the nearest (way) that you may not entertain doubts (afterwards), except when it is ready merchandise which you give and take among yourselves from hand to hand, then there is no blame on you in not writing it down: and have witnesses when you barter with one another, and let no harm be done to the scribe or to the witness; and if you do (it) then surely it will be a transgression in you, and be careful of (your duty) to Allah, Allah teaches you, and Allah knows all things. (11.282)
Here is an ayah that allows this scene to happen: A man hates his wife so much that he wants to get rid of her. He can call four of his friends and everyone will testify that the woman was involved in sexual indecency. Then she can be confined in a place without food and water until she dies. Imagine the state of the woman's mind. Why is the same thing not provided for woman?
And as for those who are guilty of an indecency from among your women, call to witnesses against them ,four (witnesses) from among you; then if they bear witness confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them. (IV.15)
Wife battering is allowed in Islam:
Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. (IV.34)
In Islam, inheritance for a woman is half the inheritance of a man:
Allah (thus) directs you as regards your Children's (Inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two. females: if only daughters, two or more, their share is two-thirds of the inheritance; if only one, her share is a half. For parents, a sixth share of the inheritance to each, if the deceased left children; if no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased Left brothers (or sisters) the mother has a sixth. The distribution in all cases(s) after the payment of legacies and debts. Ye know not whether your parents or your children are nearest to you in benefit. These are settled portions ordained by Allah; and Allah is All-knowing, Al-wise. (IV. 11)
In what your wives leave, your share is a half, if they leave no child; but if they leave a child, ye get a fourth; after payment of legacies and debts. In what ye leave, their share is a fourth, if ye leave no child; but if ye leave a child, they get an eighth; after payment of legacies and debts. If the man or woman whose inheritance is in question, has left neither ascendants nor descendants, but has left a brother or a sister, each one of the two gets a sixth; but if more than two, they share in a third; after payment of legacies and debts; so that no loss is caused (to any one). Thus is it ordained by Allah; and Allah is All-knowing, Most Forbearing. (IV 12)
THE UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS COMPARED TO ISLAM
The principles of Islam are against those promulgated by the United Nations (UN). The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) says:
Article 1:
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
Article 18:
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.
But Allah and the Prophet say the opposite:
Prophet, make war on the unbelievers and the hypocrites and deal rigorously with them. Hell shall be their home: an evil fire. They swear by God that they said nothing. Yet they uttered the word of unbelief and renounced Islam after embracing it. They sought to do what they could not attain. Yet they had no reason to be spiteful except perhaps because God and His apostle had enriched them through His bounty. If they repent, it will indeed be better for them, but if they give no heed, God will sternly punish them, both in this world and in the world to come. They shall have none on this earth to protect or help them. (IX.73,74)
Narrated Abu Bruda: Abu Musa said.... Behold there was a fettered man beside Abu Musa. Muadh asked, "Who is this (man)?" Abu Musa said, He was a Jew and became a Muslim and then reverted back to Judaism." Then Abu Musa requested Muadh to sit down but Muadh said, "I will not sit down till he has been killed. This is the judgment of Allah and his messenger," and repeated it thrice. Then Abu Musa ordered that the man be killed, and he was killed. Abu Musa added, "Then we discussed the night prayers."20
Narrated Ali: "Whenever I tell you a narration from Allah's messenger, by Allah, I would rather fall down from the sky, then ascribe a false statement to him, but if I tell you something between me and you, (not a Hadith), then it was indeed a trick (i.e., I may say things just to cheat my enemy). No doubt I heard Allah's messenger saying, "During the last days there will appear some young foolish people, who will say the best words, but their faith will not go beyond their throats (i.e., they will leave the faith) and will go out from their religion as an arrow goes out of the game. So, wherever you find them, kill them, firr whoever kills them shall have reward on the Day of Resurrection."-'
Almost all Muslim countries mention in their constitutions that they believe in Allah and that the principles and laws set up in the country shall follow what is in the Koran and sunnah. For example, the preamble to Pakistan's constitution says:
Whereas sovereignty over the entire Universe belongs to Almighty Allah alone, and the authority to be exercised by the people of Pakistan within the limits prescribed by Him is a sacred trust; wherein the Muslims shall be enabled to order their lives in the individual and collective spheres in accordance with the teachings and requirements of Islam as set out in the Holy Quran and Sunnah.
Iran says in its constitution:
1. Continuous ijtihad of the fugaha' possessing necessary qualifications, exercised on the basis of the Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Ma'sumun, upon all of whom be peace.
The Saudi Arabian constitution says:
Article I : The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is a sovereign Arab Islamic state with Islam as its religion; God's Book and the Sunnah of His Prophet, God's prayers and peace be upon him, are its constitution, Arabic is its language and Riyadh is its capital.
As you can see, the Muslim states profess their belief in the sunnah (hadith) and the Koran. The Koran and hadith also teach religious intolerance, as the above hadith and ayahs show. Thus, all these Muslim countries are abiding by constitutions that violate human rights and the principles of the UN. They have two options: (1) Change their constitutions and no longer involve the Koran or (2) change the Koran and declare that these verses are invalid from now on. Of course, that would not happen easily, but I'm just mentioning that it should. The changing of the Koran or the deletion of the Koran from the constitutions of the Muslim countries could begin the eventual, much-needed downfall of Islam.
Someone might think, If there is no Islam, then what is there? Christianity? No. All religions that command humans are wrong, because freedom is the basic right of every human being. The UN also says this in article I of its Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
We are all human beings, born free to exercise our minds and bodies in ways that do not harm others. This is the only principle that humans are required to commit to, and it takes only common sense to deduce this. Do not do to another human what you would not want others to do to you. One does not need any religion to tell her this. We need to live simple lives. We need to love more and hate less. We need to be happy and satisfied and live in peace, like a loving family.
God or no God, there is certainly one truth: Islam is false. If there is God, then one possibility is that Islam was the tool of the devil, to lead men astray. The Koran says that Satan promised God that he would lead men astray. So, in the big picture, this is what is happening. Men are being turned into egotistic losers, while women are never given the chance to take advantage of opportunities, as the religion itself degrades woman and says that they are below man. Islam is the trap of the devil. It's the fastest-growing trap, too. If humankind needs to live in peace, all forceful religions, including Islam, must be eradicated from the earth. Islam is the religion whose believers hate the most, too, because believers of Islam in the extreme sense perform jihad, kill people in the name of religion and many other things. Of all the religions on Earth, Islam is the one that has the most hatred for nonbeleivers. The results are observed by seeing the disastrous effects of Islamic terrorism in the world. It's true that most Muslims are peaceful human beings, but any person who truly follows Islam is required to
• hate non-Muslims vehemently; or, in the peaceful form, have a dislike and disgust for non-Muslims;
• fear an invisible God;
• be unhappy with her life, because she is, in reality, a slave to Allah, the imaginary God;
• live his life in vain.
Islam makes the whole of humanity-Muslims and non-Muslims-suffer. Peaceful Muslims become victims of the oppressive psyche of Islam, which sucks all the life out of them, while non-Muslims are made to suffer at the hands of Islamic terrorists. This world cannot rest until Islam and all other oppressive religions have been eradicated. Please think deeply about Islam. Do not take things for granted. Do not assume that the Koran is from God. I know that you all want to believe in God, because it's a survival instinct that we don't want to die. We want to keep living after we die. And to support this life-after-death philosophy, Islam and many other religions were created, sometimes due to creativity of man and sometimes due to man's desire to subjugate others. God might exist, but no one knows, since there is no proof to support his existence or absence. But certainly, Allah is not and cannot be a God. I wish you peace and inner happiness.
NOTES
1. Online Islamic resources can be found at many Web sites. One good, popular source is the Islamic Server of MSAIUSC at www.usc.edu/dept/MSA.
2. I know now that Allah is a false, imaginary god, a creation of Muhammad's mind. God is a general term and, in reality, I know there is no religion from God and no one can scientifically prove or disprove the existence of a god.
3. al-Bukhari, Book of Nikah (Wedlock), vol. 7, book 62 of Sahih, trans. M. Muhsin Khan (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1987), Hadith no. 670, pp. 450-51.
4. al-Bukhari, Book of Destiny, vol. 4, book 31 of Sahih, trans. Abdul Hamid Siddiqi (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1987), Hadith no. 6426, pp. 1398-99.
5. al-Bukhari, Book of Menses, vol. 1, book 6 of Sahih, trans. M. Muhsin Khan (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1987), Hadith no. 298, p. 180.
6. al-Bukhari, Book of Nikah (Wedlock), Hadith no. 64, p. 50.
7. al-Bukhari, Book of Good Manners (al-Adab), vol. 8, book 72 of Sahih, trans. M. Muhsin Khan (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1987), Hadith no. 151, p. 95.
8. al-Bukhari, Book of Nikah (Wedlock), Hadith no. 142, p. 106.
9. Ibid., Hadith no. 143, pp. 106-107.
10. al-Bukhari, Book of Menses, Hadith no. 300, p. 181.
11. Ibid., Hadith no. 319, pp. 191-92.
12. al-Bukhari, Book of Nikah (Wedlock), Hadith no. 15, p. 10.
13. al-Bukhari, Book of Menses, Hadith no. 301, pp. 181-82.
14. al-Bukhari, Book of Nikah (Wedlock), Hadith no. 24, pp. 15-16.
15. Ibid., Hadith no. 27, pp. 18-19.
16. Ibid., Hadith no. 30, p. 21.
17. Ibid., Hadith no. 33, p. 22.
18. Ibid., Hadith no. 120, pp. 92-93.
19. Ibid., Hadith no. 121, p. 93.
20. al-Bukhari, Book of Apostates, vol. 9, book 84 of Sahih, trans. M. Muhsin Khan (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1987), Hadith no. 58, pp. 45-46.
21. Ibid., Hadith no. 64, p. 50.