There’s nothing like seeing your child’s eyes light up with joy at the first warm breath a kind pony snuffles at her small, tentative hand. Or the flush of pleasure on her cheeks when the pony gently accepts an offered carrot. And seeing your child gain confidence on the back of a willing and trustworthy horse, developing her riding skills, learning the fine tenets of proper horsemanship, and spending time in such a healthy, physical activity — well, parents just don’t stand a chance!
But as a parent, what are you to do, especially if you don’t know much about horses yourself? How do you help your horse-crazy child follow her passion for horses, but do so safely? Horses (even ponies) are very large animals, with minds of their own. Working with them is not all My Friend Flicka and Misty of Chincoteague, so one way to start is by determining just how “crazy” your child is.
Horse craziness comes in many degrees, from an all-consuming, almost visceral passion for horses to a more relaxed, but still powerful, desire to be with them. This is not to say that a child’s interest in horses must be all-consuming for it to be sincere. There are many rewarding ways to be involved with horses, from casual pleasure riding to intense competition — the key is to find the approach that best suits your child.
Some kids just enjoy horses, like to be around them, and simply want to be able to ride. Other individuals, even at a young age, have a keener interest and long to take regular lessons and participate in horse shows and competitions for the fun of it. And then there are kids who seriously want to become the finest rider possible and to ultimately compete in a specific discipline at the highest levels. Whatever your child’s level of interest, the fundamental approach to supporting that interest remains the same: finding knowledgeable, experienced, and skilled guidance so your child can learn in a safe, appropriate way.
How Horse Crazy Is Your Child?
Your child is genuinely “crazy” if she:
Draws horses every time a pencil and piece of paper are at hand.
Has read every horse book in the library but wants her own copies so she can read them again.
Can watch movies about horses over and over and over and over …
Wants nothing but Breyer model horses for gifts and spends hours playing with them.
Frequently uses words that make no sense to you (liver chestnut, withers, cannon bone, piaffe).
Urges you to overtake horse trailers on the highway so she can catch a glimpse of any horses inside.
Urges you to slow down when you drive past horse farms so she can avidly study the occupants of the fields.
Has been caught dressing up the family dog in a close approximation of a bridle, saddle pad, and saddle.
Frequently pretends her bike is a horse.
Can imitate equine neighs, snorts, and squeals with surprising realism and is often seen pawing at the ground, stamping her foot, and tossing her “mane.”
Before going any further with the exploration of the horse world, you need to get an idea of just how determined your child is in her love of horses. The idea of horses is lovely, exciting, and romantic, and so, for a true horse-lover, is the reality of horses, which often involves hard, physical effort under sometimes unpleasant weather conditions.
In fantasies, the horse is always eager to please, ready to dash off at the slightest touch of a rider’s leg, swift and sure and intelligent. In reality, horses have bad days just like people do. They sometimes resent an inexperienced rider tugging at their mouths, plopping down hard on their backs, or digging sharp heels into their ribs. When the weather is hot, they may feel sluggish and want to be back with their friends in the paddock. When the weather is cold, they may feel fresh and spirited and want to run and buck and play.
Questions for Parents to Ask Their Children
The main issue is, will your child still find horses appealing when faced with less-than-perfect reality? To help you find answers in this endeavor, here are some questions to go through with your child.
Why do you want to ride? What kind of riding do you want to do? Do you want to go fast? Do you want to jump? Do you want to look beautiful? Do you want to ride across country? Do you want to chase cows?
How hard are you willing to work in order to ride? Working and caring for horses is physical, it’s demanding, it’s tiring, and it can be frustrating. Riding is also a privilege — it’s expensive and time-consuming. Earning that privilege is important, whether by doing well in school, doing chores at home, or some other effort. Are you willing to put in that effort?
How often do you want to ride? Are you interested in one or two lessons a week? Or do you hope to ride every day? If your scheduled lesson interferes with going to a friend’s house or your favorite activity, what would you do?
Will you be a dedicated rider or a fair-weather rider? Will you want to ride when it’s cold and windy? Will you want to ride when it’s blistering hot outside and the ring is dusty? Do you accept that riding isn’t all prancing around on a beautiful steed and that you will have to learn the basics of caring for and handling a horse? If you arrive at the barn to find a mud-caked horse, are you willing to put in the time and effort to clean him up before riding?
How well will you listen to an instructor? Are you willing to do the same thing over and over again until you get it right, even when you feel frustrated or upset? Will you stick with riding even when your muscles are sore and your bottom hurts?
Are you willing to always follow safety precautions? That means wearing a helmet and boots, even if some of the other kids aren’t. Does the idea of falling off a horse frighten you? Or do you believe that it’s just part of learning to ride?
Questions for Children to Ask Their Parents
Lest you think that a commitment to riding lessons falls solely on your child, here are some questions for your child to ask you as well.
Why are you considering letting me ride? Have you ever ridden and, if so, what was your experience? Do you like horses? Are you afraid of them?
How hard are you willing to work? Are you willing to stick to a schedule and to sometimes reorganize other plans in order to let me ride? If I don’t feel like going to a lesson, will you let me off the hook or will you insist that I honor my commitment? If you can’t always take me to my riding lessons, how will I get there? Will you mind my muddy boots in your car?
Are you prepared for the financial commitment?
Are you prepared for the emotional commitment? Does the idea of my someday falling off a horse terrify you? Or do you believe that it’s just part of learning to ride? If I do fall, will you be okay allowing me to keep going?
How well will you listen to an instructor? Will you watch my lessons and participate in my learning? If I ask you not to watch a lesson, will you be offended? Will you watch over my learning to ensure that safety is the primary focus and that the instructor is not rushing me to higher levels when I’m still struggling with the basics? If I participate in competition, will you go to the horse shows and learn proper show etiquette for parents?
After you and your child have a frank discussion of these questions, read on. And take heart — the wonderful gift of riding is something that will stay with your child forever.
A Note About Terminology
We have chosen to use “she/her” when referring to riders and trainers and “he/him” when referring to horses. This is partly in order to avoid the awkwardness of using “he/she” throughout the book and partly a reflection of the general gender breakdown in the field of horseback riding. For whatever reason, horses and girls just seem to go together!