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HOW MANY TIMES have you found yourself eye level with your child in the midst of a meltdown telling them to take a deep breath when they are upset or frustrated? If you’re like most parents, chances are high that one of the first ways you encourage your children to calm down when they’re distressed about something is by focusing on their breath. You might even wonder why it can be so difficult for your children to regain composure and get themselves back on track. After all, everyone knows how to breathe. So why is this so much easier said than done?
Just Breathe
While it’s simple to instruct your children to calm down and relax, if they don’t have more specific and effective tools to diminish negative feelings and restore inner calm, they really have no way of managing big emotions. In those moments when they feel overwhelmed and out of control, your stepping in and soothing them makes all the difference. Asking them over and over to do the impossible on their own can often make them even more frustrated and upset—as you may have experienced yourself at times. In the same way you would never expect a child to know how to tie their shoes or ride a bicycle without instruction and practice, you can’t expect children to know how they can calm themselves down using deep breaths unless you first teach them how to breathe.
According to Ayurveda and yoga, the breath is a direct channel to the mind. Different patterns of breathing create distinct effects and energies that can be either stimulating or stabilizing, heating or cooling, or uplifting or grounding. When you customize breathing rhythms in combination with lifestyle routines based on your child’s unique constitution and state of health, you can achieve immediate and sustainable outcomes.
All it takes to guide your children through simple, fun breathing exercises is a few minutes a day—and the benefits to their lives will be many—including emotional and self-regulation, enhanced focus and concentration, increased learning ability, decreased stress and anxiety, and a balanced and joyful state of being. Recent studies recognize the beneficial effects of mindfulness tools on the well-being of children and adolescents, and the importance of these techniques specifically as a protocol for managing learning disabilities, sensory processing disorders, and autism. One such study conducted by the head of Brain and Neurocognitive Development at Ural Federal University and published in the journal Biological Psychiatry studied the effects of diaphragmatic rhythmic deep breathing, or belly breathing, on children with ADHD. The research showed that yoga and breathing exercises improve attention, decrease hyperactivity, and help children to engage in complex activities for longer periods of time. Concentrated breathwork supplies the brain with more oxygen, which in turn helps the part of the brain responsible for regulation of brain activity known as reticular formation—deficient in children with ADHD—and begins to regulate a child’s state of activity.[1]
If making room on your priority list for mindfulness exercises amid the chaos of a busy schedule seems challenging, think of it as being as essential for your child as getting fresh air and physical exercise or eating healthy foods. According to Ayurveda, one of the most important ways you can nurture your child’s mind and body is by making time to practice different breathing techniques together. When you adopt simple mindfulness routines in your everyday life, you promote feelings of well-being and happiness in your children and bring your whole family together in the present moment—something parents today long for more than ever in a culture of increased disconnection.
While “Just breathe” has taken off as a popular mantra lately, breathwork as a root principle of Ayurveda extends back thousands of years and can become one of the most powerful and effective tools in your parenting kit.
Pranayama
What if I told you there was a way to seamlessly sync your children’s mind and body—much like you do with your digital devices—that could guide them along a path to stay healthy and balanced throughout their lives? Both the Ayurvedic system of medicine and yoga recognize the breath as the vital essence of life. You can, in fact, visualize the breath as the bridge that connects the mind and body.
It’s easy to see the different variations of breathing patterns that occur with physical activity and different emotions or states of mind. Targeted breathwork applies the same principles to influence the body and mind and achieve specific outcomes by implementing controlled techniques and pacing of the breath.
Pranayama, or the art of breathing, literally means “regulation of breath” or “control over the breath.” Beyond its vital role of providing oxygen, energy, and sustaining life, the breath regulates the physiological and psychological functions of the body and harmonizes the mind-body connection. As you may have come across yourself in your own research on breathing or meditation, pranayama has noted and measurable positive effects on brain function and mental activity. When you regulate or streamline breathing patterns, you can achieve specific outcomes and make the necessary mental and physical shifts to bring the body into a state of overall balance.
Maybe you’ve heard the term in a yoga class before or felt the effects of pranayama yourself at times you’ve simply brought attention to your breath when taking a deep inhalation or exhaling a long, audible sigh of relief, for example. It’s easy to see the different ways breathing with awareness can recalibrate your emotions and mental activity at any moment and how your children can use this essential tool in their everyday life to do the same.
Prana—one of the eight limbs of yoga—is a subtle form of energy carried through the breath that governs the interplay between mind and body. Have you ever noticed that your breath becomes shallow, rapid, and irregular when you feel nervous or upset? Or that it turns slower and rhythmic when you’re content or happily absorbed in a book or project? In the same way thought patterns affect the quality of your breath, different pranayama techniques or rhythms of breathing can facilitate different perceptions, thoughts, and feelings.
Overall, the process of inhalation and exhalation has four distinct steps. The first is to fill the lungs. Then, after breathing in there is an undefined, unregulated pause when the lungs completely expand. Next comes the purifying exhalation that eliminates carbon dioxide, or impure breath. Finally, another undefined, unregulated pause follows the exhalation before the cycle continues. The practice of pranayama regulates the duration of these four different stages of the cycle and allows you to experience definite emotional and physiological changes—an invaluable tool you can offer your children to connect the mind and body.
belly breathing
While it may seem next to impossible for you to imagine the ways you might help your children regulate their breath when some days feel like a never-ending struggle to regulate their behavior, the truth is it’s easier than you think. With just a few tips you can equip your kids with simple breathing techniques and successfully help them along anyplace, anytime. The key is to teach them in a fun, encouraging way—and to join in yourself, of course! The benefits of pranayama aren’t just for your children.
Do you ever wonder how it’s possible your child can have so much energy at the very moment it’s time to climb into bed when they’ve spent the entire day running around and burning off energy? Parents frequently find bedtime challenging for children—a time of day when it can be hard for them to wind down and relax and for parents to say goodnight and enjoy some personal time. As most parents can attest to, children of all ages frequently have bedtime worries and often resist turning the light off with a stream of creative excuses designed to avoid going to sleep. One of the best breathing exercises you can practice with your child to ease nighttime anxieties and prepare the mind-body system for rest is deep breathing or belly breathing. You can incorporate this calming exercise into your child’s bedtime routine nightly, just like bathing or brushing their teeth. Doing so will habituate your child’s mind and body to the practice and automatically signal their system to go to sleep after just a few deep breaths.
Belly breathing, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is a simple pranayama technique perfect to share with your children at bedtime that regulates the breath cycle with deep inhalations followed by long exhalations. Ask your child to do a simple experiment and place their hand on their belly: when they breathe in does their belly expand? You’d be surprised how many kids and adults breathe all wrong, completely the other way around! Make corrections as needed and ask your child to be mindful that taking deep breaths helps them feel better. Discuss the importance of breathing in as energizing and nourishing and breathing out as relaxing and a time to wish the day farewell.
Once your child is cozy in bed, ask them to lie on their back and place a hand, stuffed animal, or even a favorite small object on their belly. Guide them to inhale deeply through their nose into their belly and watch the object move upward, then slowly breathe out through their mouth and notice their abdomen move downward. Have your child focus their attention on this rising and falling belly ten to fifteen times or until you sense they feel relaxed and ready for a peaceful night’s sleep.
You can use this same technique whenever children feel angry or irritated. One of the best ways to reduce negative emotions and restore a feeling of calm to children’s minds is to hold them close and ask them to take deep inhalations followed by long exhalations. After a couple of minutes, they will feel more content and come back to the present moment. Over time, children will connect to the stillness and peace of their body’s relaxation response and have the ability to continue this breathing exercise on their own when they feel anxious or restless.
Perhaps there are other times during the day when your family might benefit from slowing down and taking a few deep breaths together. Is there a particular weeknight jam-packed with scheduled commitments or periods of time spent in the car that you could use to focus on a short breathing exercise? Many parents find this a wonderful and easy morning ritual to practice with their children before school, for example—a time to boost feelings of calm and help them stay focused and relaxed all day long in the classroom.
Ayurveda offers many practical suggestions you can apply in your daily life that will nurture the seeds of mindfulness within your children and help create a happier and more peaceful life. We will discuss more specific breathing techniques you can practice according to your child’s dosha later in this chapter.
The Mindful Child
Most parents do everything they can to raise kindhearted and loving children, but many have never encountered the link between mindfulness and compassion. Ayurveda clearly conveys that a mindful child is one who is able to perceive everything around them in a stable, balanced way and respond in kind to their environment and peers. When you practice simple mindfulness techniques with your children, you teach them how to be fully in touch with feelings of joy and peace that support a bright, clear perspective along with learning, creativity, and connection to friends, peers, and community.
Would it surprise you to know that children who regularly practice deep breathing exercises or even just naturally take a lot of deep breaths are generally calmer and better able to focus on different learning assignments or hobbies in an especially easy way? Mindful children enjoy clear perception in the same way a calm lake flawlessly reflects its surroundings, undisturbed by ripples or distortion. We will look more deeply at perception when we discuss different qualities of the child’s mind and effects of sensory inputs in the next chapter.
When you show your children different ways to practice mindfulness by simply taking time with them each day to breathe deeply or connect with the beauty of nature, for example, you help them learn to be compassionate not only with others, but so importantly, with themselves. Simple and focused attention on the present moment teaches children at an early age how to build self-esteem, take care of negative emotions, and be less overwhelmed by strong feelings.
Children who practice breathing techniques and have learned how to breathe deeply and keep their breath steady not only see things more clearly but also remain less affected by sudden emotional stimuli. Think about a classroom—an environment where children can easily become overwhelmed or anxious when a teacher reprimands another student for misbehaving or disrupting the class, as an example. Children often internalize these negative emotions and experiences and connect themselves to what is going on around them externally. A child who has cultivated mindfulness, on the other hand, can clearly perceive the situation exists between the misbehaving classmate and teacher and will be able to separate themselves from the negative stimuli. In this way, simple breathing practices can help children learn to observe strong emotions and changes in their environment without allowing those changes to affect them or take root in negative ways.
Despite every parent’s wish to protect their children from pain or distress of any kind, it’s inevitable that your child will face many different circumstances in their day-to-day life—some pleasant and some not so pleasant. Your job as a conscious parent is to help your child cultivate an ability to face life’s unpredictable situations as a witness and not be consumed by the stressors and changes of their environment. Ayurveda clearly conveys that stress is not measured by what is happening in the outside world, but by the ways your mind and body are altered by them. Pranayama is a powerful tool that can empower children to witness changes in their external environment while remaining calm and separate.
Parenthood affords many opportunities to invite mindfulness into your child’s life and being in nature is a great place to start. Nature brings out the nurturing and curious qualities in children in a myriad of ways while hiking through the woods, for example, or surrounded by blue sky and the wonderful sounds of life. Not only do children feel an enhanced sense of peace and grounding being outside, but they seamlessly connect to metaphors found in the natural world. Introduce your child to the following mindfulness practice on your next walk outside along with a breathing exercise to practice at home or anywhere your child experiences negative emotions.
cloud breath
Have you ever stopped with your child on a windy day to observe the clouds moving across the sky? Explain to your child how clouds are like their emotions that simply travel through their body the same way clouds travel through the sky. Soon, they will float away and be gone. In the same way children understand the weather outside is not permanent and is always changing, they can easily understand stormy weather inside of them as clouds merely passing by. When it’s raining outside, or even thundering and lightning, children wait calmly for the sun to come out again. They know the storm will not last forever. You can help your children understand their emotions the same way; a temporary weather condition passing through the sky.
When you’re ready to guide them through a breathing practice, first ask them to visualize a great big, blue sky. Next, ask them to choose a cloud on which they’d like to place a thought or feeling that would then float away. Your child can either visualize that feeling outside of them sailing away on a cloud or can use long exhalations from the deep breathing exercise to slowly help the cloud move through the sky until it drifts away.
Depending on your family’s interests and hobbies, you may or may not spend a lot of time in nature on a regular basis. When you take time outside with your children, it encourages them to observe the flow of nature itself and helps develop mindfulness. It could be something as simple as watching a bee move from flower to flower sucking up nectar from different plants or a mother crow feeding and caring for her young. Nature is the best teacher and the best healer. Even just standing barefoot on the earth or hugging a tree with your forehead resting on the trunk can instantly relieve stress headaches and tension. The same way Mother Nature supports a plant from seed to sprout to bloom, the Earth can also absorb our imbalances and energize and nurture the entire mind-body system. Connecting to the Earth in any form releases aggravated energy and offers a deeply grounding experience for your children.
Breathing Techniques for the Doshas
Children’s energy levels can swing from day to day and even change by the hour, just like yours. Have you ever noticed how some days your children are bouncing off the walls and on others they can barely get off the couch? You can follow these cues along with a child’s Ayurvedic constitution to identify current imbalances and help bring the doshas back into equilibrium. The following pranayama techniques can be tailored to your child’s dosha or a reflection of a predominant imbalance—another tool to incorporate into your child’s daily routines to support health, vitality, and balance. While breathing techniques are a simple practice you can explore at home with your children, it is ideal to consult a qualified yoga practitioner or Ayurvedic professional to instruct and customize breathwork for your child. Elaborate and prolonged pranayama practices are primarily suggested for adults, but even a minute or two of simple breathing practices as a fun activity with your children can help them experience the benefits of these techniques and introduce them to the practice.
vata
Are there times your child has difficulty focusing or a tendency to be restless and easily distracted? As you probably recognize, these are expressions of vata dosha or of a vata imbalance. One of the simplest and most effective breathing techniques to pacify vata is Alternate Nostril Breathing, or Nadi Shodhana, in ancient texts, meaning “clearing the channels.”
Invite your child to sit cross-legged on the floor next to you with a tall spine and show them how to close their right nostril with their right thumb and use belly breathing to inhale through their left nostril. Then show them how to switch fingers and close the left nostril with their right ring finger and exhale through their right nostril. Repeat these steps while alternating nostrils and breathing slowly and easily, without any force. You will find that even practicing this breath for one to two minutes every day with your child can increase feelings of calm, stability, and focus for you both. Alternate Nostril Breathing is one of the simplest breathing techniques you can practice and is known for calming the nervous system, reducing stress and anxiety, balancing hormones, promoting clarity of mind and concentration, and improving neuromuscular coordination, blood circulation, and cardiovascular health. This is breathwork that balances both sides of the brain, can be done sitting or lying down, and has no contraindications. It is very powerful and effective for reducing anxiety and stress and balancing the body and the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
pitta
Do you have children who are hotheaded or quickly irritated by nature? Challenge your children to these next stabilizing breathing exercises anytime you notice a fiery pitta predominance that needs cooling off—a go-to breathing technique in summertime!
This next breath in Ayurveda and yoga is called Sheetali, which means “cooling,” and is also referred to sometimes as Seetkari, meaning “performed with a hissing sound.” First, find a cool place to sit and ask your child to clench their teeth with their tongue resting inside their mouth while they open their lips the same way they would when brushing their teeth. Encourage them to try and breathe through their mouth by sucking the air in through the space between their teeth with a hissing sound then exhaling slowly through their nose. Continue a few times before relaxing together.
Another method of performing this cooling breath is to keep the tongue out and folded in the shape of a straw or tube. Breathe in slowly through the mouth into the tube and notice the cool feeling of the air against the mouth, throat, and palate. Once the inhalation is complete, close the mouth and exhale through the nose. These cooling breathing practices not only pacify pitta and decrease body heat but also support liver and skin health and reduce acidity, excessive sweating, and feelings of anger, frustration, and agitation of the mind.
kapha
Sometimes children require a more invigorating breath to stimulate energy levels and get them moving. Do you notice your child acting especially lazy or procrastinating more than usual when it comes to homework or chores, for example? A kapha-type child will move at a slower pace by nature compared to other children, but any increase in slowness or lack of motivation may signal an imbalance. This playful, brightening breath known as Kapalabhati, or the Breath of Fire, will lighten and energize your child’s entire mind-body system. Breath of Fire enhances metabolism, boosts cognition, improves circulation, supports weight management, purifies the nervous system, and reduces anxiety and depression.
Invite your child to sit in a comfortable position on the floor next to you with a tall spine and show them how to inhale passively then exhale forcefully through the nose while contracting your abdominal muscles without strain. Demonstrate a couple cycles of this breath, then practice a few rounds together and ask them to stay relaxed and notice the enhanced circulation and energy flow throughout their body. Kapalabhati is often recommended for children who are diabetic but contraindicated for kids with hyperacidity. Kapalabhati can be done by vata types in a slow rhythmic fashion, should be avoided by pitta types or performed with prolonged exhalation to avoid overheating, and is very useful for kapha types.
Adapting Breathwork for Your Child
Keep in mind as a general principal, vata requires calming breathwork, kapha requires stimulating exercises, and pitta needs cooling breathwork. This short list and the breathing exercises that follow can be helpful when deciding which techniques are best for your children based on their dosha.
vata
They benefit from abdominal breathing, full yogic breathing, and Alternate Nostril Breathing. For issues with elimination, Kapalabhati done in the morning can ease constipation.
pitta
Cooling breathwork like Sheetali pranayama followed by Alternate Nostril Breathing and Bhramari are great for pitta. Exhalations should be longer than inhalations, and smooth rhythmic breathing with brief suspension of breath after exhalation helps.
kapha
Kapalabhati, Bhastrika, and Surya Bhedana followed by Alternate Nostril Breathing would be great for stimulating kaphas. They benefit from rhythmic breathing and gentle exhalation retention. Ujjayi reduces kapha particularly in the throat and increases the digestive fire. Generally breathwork stimulates and increases the Air and Space elements, which counteract the Earth and Water elements in the body and reduce kapha accumulation in lungs, chest, sinuses, and stomach.
tridosha-pacifying breathwork
Nadi Shodhana and Bhastrika are considered Tridosha pacifying; they alleviate vata issues related to the joints and nervous system, remove excess kapha from stomach and lungs to aid respiration and digestion, and address pitta issues related to digestion as well. The same Bhastrika that can aggravate pitta and make vata spacey, if done mindfully, can pacify all doshas. There are contraindications though: Bhastrika should not be done by pregnant women or people with hypertension or cardiac issues, and this knowledge is essential for all the healing practices.
Simple Breathing Exercises for Children
The key to practicing any type of breathwork with your kids is to make it fun! Join in, be silly, and keep the language you use easy to understand…and the breath will follow. Here are simple, fun breathing exercises you can practice anytime.
bumblebee breath (bhramari)
Close your eyes, plug your ears, inhale through the nose, and quietly hum as you exhale. Repeat this three to five times. This soothes the nervous system, calms and focuses the mind, and is great for the vocal chords!
bunny breath
Pretend you’re a bunny, take three quick inhales in through your nose, and then let out one long exhale. Repeat this three to five times. This is a great practice to manage anxiety.
three-part breath
This breath promotes breathing deeply and expanding all parts of the lungs to refresh and supply air to the entire body. The in-breath should start in the bottom third of the body from below the navel to the base of the ribs, then you continue to fill the ribs to the heart, and pause and fill the top portion from heart to skull. While exhaling, do so from top to bottom in a smooth long exhale, squeezing the belly at the end of the exhale. Repeat from bottom to top and exhale from top to bottom.
surya and chandra bhedana pranayama
Breathing from the right nostril with the left closed is heating and called Surya Bhedana, while breathing from the left nostril with the right closed is called Chandra Bhedana. A few rounds of these can be done based on doshas and seasons but do follow them up with Alternate Nostril Breathing for balancing.
balloon breathing
While sitting or lying down, hands on your thighs or by your sides, palms facing upward, inhale and fill your body like a big balloon. Then exhale and blow the air out through your mouth. Repeat this three to five times. This can be done before sleeping for deeper rest.
ocean breath (ujjayi)
Imagine a hot day when you take a drink of water from the fridge and sigh after that with your mouth open! Now close your mouth and make the same sound from the back of your throat, which sounds like an ocean. This is a calming breath and a few rounds at bedtime can promote sound sleep.
bellows breath (bhastrika)
Kneel down on a soft surface, such as a yoga mat or a folded towel, with toes and knees together, and sit back on your heels with spine erect. Sit up tall and relax your shoulders, then bend your elbows and make loose fists with your hands, bringing them next to your shoulders with elbows close to the body. Take a transition breath in and out. Then breathe in through the nostrils, inhaling forcefully, and raise your hands straight overhead into the air, opening up your fists and spreading fingers wide. Exhale with force through the nostrils while bringing your arms back to the starting position and making fists again with your hands. Continue inhaling as you raise your hands, then exhale for five to ten sets, pausing in between for 15–30 seconds. You can repeat this up to three times. This is an energizing breath and a great pick-me-up. It cleanses the lungs and exercises muscles. It can aggravate pitta and make vata spacey but is very helpful in reducing kapha-associated sluggishness and stagnation, especially from the head and chest.
rhythmic breathing to a count
Breathe in to a count of four, hold to a count of two, breathe out to a count of six (a longer exhale), and hold again to a count of two. The count can vary, but this type of rhythmic breathing slows down the mind.
Before you begin your exciting pranayama journey, please give consideration to the following breathwork guidelines and be mindful that pranayama must be practiced on a consistent basis to achieve the most positive outcome for your children.
•Avoid any breathwork when feeling very hungry or immediately after a meal.
•Never hurry through breathing exercises. Choose a time that works for your family and can support your child to have a focused and mindful practice.
•Avoid any stimulating breathing exercises when your child is very anxious, worried, or angry. Opt for slow, deep breathing or cooling and stabilizing breaths at those times.
•Avoid breathwork after your child returns from physical exertion or exercise.
•Make sure your child is stable, calm, relaxed, and focused before guiding them through any breathwork.
•Avoid specific breathwork other than normal, regular breathing when your child has any type of sickness, fever, congestion, or a runny nose.
What children want most from parents is love and attention. When you take time out of your busy life to practice mindfulness techniques with your children, it shows them you are present and committed to their well-being and eager to embark on new journeys together. This fills them with great confidence and joy and helps to integrate all of the tools Ayurveda offers to harmonize the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of your child’s mind-body system. It all starts with you…take a deep breath!