SHOULD I JUMP?
These words rang through my friend Jonathan’s mind as he stood overlooking a 120-foot cliff above the American River in Sacramento. Although he was only sixteen years old, he started to wonder if he could even live anymore.
Loneliness and hurt consumed him.
Mocking, degrading, and laughing at his expense were part of his daily experience in middle school. How had he come to consider ending his life on this day?
It started that morning in gym class. A popular kid said something cruel to him, and he responded with a verbal jab. But this kid refused to back down and hit him right in the jaw.
Rather than fighting, Jonathan chose to walk away. As if he had a “kick me” sign on his back, other students jumped in to mock him relentlessly. “For the rest of the day,” remembers Jonathan, “I endured shoves, jeers, and cruel whispers from kids I had never even met. Other kids with low self-esteem jumped on the opportunity to step up a notch on the social ladder by lowering someone else a rung.”[1]
Like many kids who are bullied, Jonathan was simply broken that day. Fortunately, he didn’t take his life. Sadly, many do. Yet even those who do not end their lives from bullying carry deep wounds and painful memories. Studies show that kids who are bullied are more likely to experience physical, emotional, academic, and mental health issues.[2]
Don’t believe me? Try asking some of the adults in your life if they experienced bullying when they were younger. Be sure you are ready to listen compassionately. Many will remember the experience vividly, even though it took place years—and, in some cases, decades—earlier. Some may even remember the exact insults people hurled at them. Kids can be cruel.
If you have been bullied in your life, then you understand exactly how Jonathan felt. Studies show that roughly one in five students have been bullied.[3] If you have a class of a hundred students, that means roughly twenty have been bullied. That’s a significant number. And yet as Christians, since we are called to follow Jesus in leaving the ninety-nine sheep to find the one, we should care even if it were just one.
Bystanders
While most people have not been bullied, nearly everyone has witnessed it. While I experienced bullying on a handful of occasions, I was more often a bystander. I grew up in a small town in the mountains of Southern California. Since our school was not very big, everyone knew which kid to pick on. While he was a friend, and I never bullied him, I also did little to defend him, sadly. One day, I remember an older football player mocking him mercilessly during lunch break. I waited until he was done and then tried to console my friend.
To this day, I wish I had stepped in and confronted the bully. Maybe I could have talked him down. Maybe I could have called for an adult. Maybe we would have ended up fighting. I don’t know, but I wish I had done something. I regret not standing up for my friend. I have since vowed never to stand by when someone is being bullied, and I’ve acted upon that vow. I hope you will do the same.
Bullies
We’ve talked about those who are bullied and those who stand by while bullying takes place. There is a final group of people we need to discuss: bullies. In one sense, we don’t really need to define bullying. We know it when we see it, right? Yet researchers define bullying as unwanted, repeated aggressive behavior between two people with a power imbalance. Essentially, a bully tries to make himself or herself feel better by putting another person down. There are four types of bullying:
It might surprise you, but many bullies express regret later in life. In the research for his book The Bullying Breakthrough, my friend Jonathan (from earlier) talked with dozens of former bullies. They all shared one thing in common: guilt. “I enjoyed seeing others in pain to mask my own,” said one bully. And then he ended by saying, “Oh man, I wish I had a time machine.”[4]
What Does the Bible Say about Bullying?
As with a number of ethical issues in this book, the Bible does not use the word bullying, but it does directly and clearly address the actions inherent in bullying in the instructions it offers. First, Scripture calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves (see Mark 12:31). Love involves sacrificing power for the well-being of another. Love is others-centered. Bullying involves using power for selfish gain. Bullying is self-centered. Could the two be more opposed?
Second, as Christians, we are called to care about justice and to defend the oppressed. Jesus cared for the marginalized in his society—women, children, the sick, the poor, and those who were demon-possessed. James says to care about orphans and widows, two more marginalized groups (see James 1:27). Why care about “lowly” people who were frequently rejected by society? Because, as we’ve talked about often in this book, every human being is made in the image of God and deserves dignity, honor, and respect (see Genesis 1:27).
Jesus modeled this in his interactions with lepers. In first-century Palestine, lepers were considered cursed by God. They were required to live outside of cities, have no contact with anyone, and cry out, “Unclean! Unclean!” if anyone approached (see Leviticus 13:45-46). Because of their loathsome skin disease, lepers were truly societal outcasts. Yet one leper risked everything by approaching Jesus. Would Jesus possibly consider him worthy of being healed? Rather than turning away, ignoring him, or mocking him, Jesus was “filled with compassion” and did the unthinkable: he touched him and made him well (Mark 1:40-45).
Jesus touched the untouchable. He loved the unlovable. Even those who were excluded by society could be included in his love. If Jesus were physically present today, he would stand up to bullies, have compassion on those who are bullied, and never be a bystander.
How Should Christians Respond to Bullying?
How does God call us to respond to bullying? Consider three steps.
If you are being bullied, reach out for help. It’s not your fault. Things can get better. Please tell a trusted adult.
If you are a bystander and you see someone being bullied, say something. You are not a tattletale. Tattletales want people to get in trouble. Speaking up for someone being bullied is the opposite. If you see a Muslim student being harassed for wearing a hijab, speak up. If you see an LGBTQ student being mocked, say something. Stand up against bullying, even if it’s against someone you don’t readily relate to. Bullying is wrong, no matter who it is done to.
Does this mean you can’t defend yourself if you are being bullied? No! We will explore some relevant passages (such as “turning the other cheek”) in later chapters. For now, let me encourage you that it is okay to defend yourself in circumstances where there is no other option. As my friend Neal Hardin said, “Sticking up for yourself may be difficult to do, but if you are able to stay calm and respond in a loving manner, then you have every right as an image-bearer of God to defend yourself and speak the truth. You are worth being defended.”[5]
Bullying is a big issue today. Yet if we are attentive to the needs of others, each one of us can make a difference in the life of another human being.
[1] Jonathan McKee, The Bullying Breakthrough: Real Help for Parents and Teachers of the Bullied, Bystanders, and Bullies (Uhrichsville, OH: Shiloh Run Press, 2018), 17.
[2] “Effects of Bullying,” StopBullying.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, May 21, 2021, https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/effects.
[3] “What Is Bullying,” StopBullying.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, July 21, 2020, https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying.
[4] McKee, The Bullying Breakthrough, 11–12.
[5] Neal Hardin, “What Does the Bible Teach Us about Bullying?” The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, September 26, 2018, https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-does-the-bible-teach-us-about-bullying/.