Pornography

EVERY GENERATION HAS FACED sexual temptation. Don’t believe me? Just read the Bible! From the earliest chapters in Genesis to the book of Revelation, we see people falling prey to various kinds of sexual immorality. Sexual temptation and brokenness are nothing new.

But compared with the history of the world, there are some radical shifts that have taken place in your generation. In particular, pornography has transformed how people think about sex, love, and relationships. Consider three ways porn is different today than in the past:

1. Accessible: In the past, porn was painted on cave walls, drawn in books, or put in magazines or movies. Your generation is the first raised with unlimited access to porn just one click away. Mobile technology has made porn available anytime, anywhere.
2. Acceptable: Can you think of a show you have seen where people debate the morality of porn? I can’t. They did in the past but rarely anymore. In one study, teens and young adults ranked not recycling as more immoral than viewing porn (56 percent vs. 32 percent).[1] In the eyes of many people, judging someone’s use of porn is worse than actually viewing porn. Porn has become acceptable in society.
3. Aggressive: Today, porn is not just about nudity or people having sex. It is increasingly violent and contains physical aggression toward women, who often respond as if they enjoy the way they are being treated.

Like many things, increased technology has transformed porn into a completely different and far more dangerous issue today than it was a few short years ago.

What’s the Big Deal?

You might be wondering why this is such a big deal. After all, isn’t everyone watching it? It’s just harmless entertainment, right? The answer is an unequivocal no. Consider the many victims of pornography.

Porn Hurts Actresses

Few people think about how porn stars are affected. After all, many give their consent. Former female performer Eden Alexander described the pain she received during one scene: “I’ve never received a beating like that before in my life. I have permanent scars up and down the backs of my thighs. It was all things that I had consented to, but I didn’t know quite the brutality of what was about to happen to me until I was in it.”[2]

She is not alone. Many female performers report similar abuse.[3] Some porn may be consensual. But as long as the industry exists, the women who are involved in it will continue to be abused.

Porn Affects the Audience

You might be tempted to think that porn doesn’t affect you. If you think that way, is it possible you’re wrong? I believe it harms you in three ways:

HARM #1: PORN HURTS YOUR SOUL

Years ago, I talked with a young man who was habitually looking at porn. After he opened up to me about his habit, I asked him a simple question: “How does it affect you?” I will never forget his tepid response: “I can’t look at a woman without undressing her in my mind.”

This young man is not alone in terms of having his worldview shaped by viewing porn. (And just to be clear, porn is an issue for males and females both.) A major study by a group of four researchers concluded that young people who look at porn are more likely to be sexually aggressive, have more permissive sexual attitudes, accept the notion of casual sex, engage in risky sexual behavior, engage in sexual harassment, and be clinically depressed.[4]

You might be thinking this study merely reveals correlation but not causation—that these things are related but not caused by porn. This is a fair caution to raise, but the research points beyond correlation alone. Consider loneliness. While lonely people are often drawn to pornography for relief, there is good reason to believe porn fosters feelings of loneliness and isolation. According to Dr. Grant Benner, in an article for Psychology Today, “Pornography use begets loneliness, and loneliness begets pornography use.”[5] It’s a two-way street.

HARM #2: PORN HURTS YOUR BELIEFS

Perhaps the best way to see how porn affects people is to consider the script of pornography. We all have scripts about how we are supposed to behave in different settings. We have a script about how to behave in an elevator (face forward and don’t say much), which is different from the script of how to behave at a football game (cheer for your team and boo the referee for a bad call).

Most of us were not formally taught how to behave in an elevator or at a football game; we simply observed people and followed along. We have learned scripts about how to behave at church, in a library, at a concert, at the dinner table, and so on. Here’s the pressing question: Where did you learn your script about sex? While I don’t know your story, I know your generation has gotten much of its sexual script from porn.

Here’s why this is so important: porn offers an unrealistic, exaggerated, and harmful script of sex. Porn portrays marital sex as boring but extramarital sex as exciting. It presents women not as individuals to be loved and cherished but as sex objects to be used by men for pleasure. Violent porn sends the message that women can be harmed if men enjoy it. No wonder so many girls feel pressure to perform oral sex on boys, engage in anal sex, or tolerate emotional or physical abuse from boys: they’ve been influenced by the porn script.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Sadly, porn mocks the institution of marriage and promotes a script that directly violates God’s beautiful design for sexual relationships.

HARM #3: PORN HURTS YOUR BRAIN

When I was in elementary school, my father led a national campaign on sexual purity. After one of his lectures, a woman approached him for counsel. She shared how her husband could not be sexually intimate with her without having a pornographic magazine on the pillow next to her head. Heartbroken, she asked my father for advice.

Even though I was young, I remember feeling sad for her. Why did her husband “need” porn? The answer is revealing: he had rewired his brain through habitual porn use to respond sexually to an image of a person rather than to a real person. Sadly, he couldn’t fully love his wife as his wife was without bringing pornography into their relationship. Can you imagine how demeaned she felt?

Few people realize how deeply porn rewires the brain and thus shapes human behavior. The younger someone is, the more looking at porn shapes the development of his or her brain, which can have a lifelong impact. Research shows that it is far easier to quit gambling, alcohol addiction, heroin, and cocaine than porn. Why? Because of what it does to your brain.[6]

Many people claim that porn is not a big deal. But it is. It is no exaggeration to say that it is wreaking havoc on individuals, marriages, and society. As a father, it both breaks my heart and angers me that my kids have to grow up in such a pornified world.

What Can We Do?

Consider a few practical tips for avoiding pornography’s snare. As a father, I hope and pray you will take these to heart.

1. If you struggle with porn, I urge you to talk with someone you know who cares. You are not alone. In fact, far more people struggle with pornography than you may realize. Please talk with someone—a youth pastor, parent, teacher, or friend—who will listen to you and help you.
2. Remember that God loves you. Viewing pornography is not the unforgivable sin. If you struggle with porn, God, like the father of the Prodigal Son, wants you to experience his love and forgiveness. Confess your sin to God and believe that he loves you deeply, as Scripture teaches (see Luke 15:11-32).
3. Realize that porn use often masks a deeper brokenness. If you have past hurts, they could be fueling your habit. Remember, God designed us to experience healthy relationships with him and with other people. Pornography aims to fill the good desire God has given us with a “relational counterfeit.” Addressing habitual porn use must begin with the goal of becoming relationally healthy through building intimate connections with God and other people.
4. If you have seen the damage porn causes to your generation, then consider asking how you can make a difference. Share this chapter with a friend. Post a video critical of porn on social media.[7] Give a talk in school on the harms of pornography. Or think even bigger. Think about working for an organization such as Fight the New Drug, which educates people on the harms of porn.[8] Since there is a link between pornography and sex trafficking, consider committing your life to helping the victims of sex trafficking. You can make a difference.

[1] “Porn in the Digital Age: New Research Reveals Ten Trends,” Barna, April 6, 2016, https://www.barna.com/research/porn-in-the-digital-age-new-research-reveals-10-trends/.

[2] Kate Conger, “Gag Order: Sex Workers Allege Mistreatment at Kink.com,” SF Weekly, Feb 20, 2013, https://www.sfweekly.com/news/gag-order-sex-workers-allege-mistreatment-at-kink-com/.

[3] “Porn Stars Speak Out,” Collective Shout, accessed November 10, 2021, https://www.collectiveshout.org/porn_stars_speak_out.

[4] Eric W. Owens et al., “The Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents: A Review of the Research,” Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity 19, no. 1 (January 2012): 99–122, https://doi.org/10.1080/10720162.2012.660431.

[5] Grant Hilary Brenner, “4 Ways Porn Use Causes Problems,” Psychology Today, March 5, 2018, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201803/4-ways-porn-use-causes-problems.

[6] See Josh D. McDowell, The Porn Epidemic: Facts, Stats, and Solutions, Josh McDowell Ministry, updated January 20, 2019, https://s3.amazonaws.com/jmm.us/PDFs-Downloadable/The+Porn+Epidemic+-+Complete+Portfolio-1-20-19.pdf, 11.

[7] For instance, the Colson Center has some short videos responding to claims like “Porn Is Victimless,” https://whatwouldyousay.org/porn-is-victimless/. Or see my 2.5-minute YouTube video, “What’s Wrong with Porn?,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYL7vRQTSR4.

[8] See fightthenewdrug.org.