CHAPTER 10
After this I saw with bodily sight the face of the crucifix that hung before me, and I gazed on it continually, a part of his passion: contempt, spitting, soiling, buffetting and many other distressing pains, more than I can tell, and a frequent change of colour. And one time I saw half the face, beginning at the ear, covered with dry blood reaching to the middle of his face. And after that the other half was covered in the same way, while the first covering vanished even as it came
This I saw bodily, disturbing and darkly; and I desired more bodily sight, so as to see more clearly. And I was answered in my reason: ‘If God shows you more, he shall be your light; you will need none but him.’ Though I saw him yet still I sought him; for we are now so blind and unwise that we never seek God until he, of his goodness, shows himself to us. And when we see him in grace, then we are stirred by the same grace to seek again, more passionately, to see him yet more blissfully. And thus I saw him, and sought him; and I had him, yet I wanted him. And in my view, this is, and should be, our common work in this life.
On one occasion, my understanding was led down into the sea-bed, and there I saw hills and green dales, as though the seaweed and gravel were covered in moss. Then I understood this: that if a man or woman were submerged beneath the great sea, they would be safe in body and soul and come to no harm as long as they kept sight of God, in the knowledge that God was with them continually. Indeed, they would have more solace and comfort than all this world can tell. For he wills that we should believe that we see him continually, though to us it seems we see little. In this belief, he makes us grow in grace again and again. For he will be seen and he will be sought; he will be pondered and he will be trusted.
This second showing was so low and so little and so simple, that I was troubled in spirit at the sight of it. I was in mourning, full of dread and longing; indeed for a while, I was in some doubt if it was a showing at all; and then later our good Lord gave me more sight, whereby I truly understood that it was a showing. It was a figure in the form of our foul deeds’ shame that our fair, bright and blessed Lord bore for our sin. It made me think of the holy veil of Veronica in Rome, on which his own blessed face was imprinted when he endured his harsh passion, going to his death with steadfast will, and often changing colour. Many marvel at the brownness and blackness of the image, so piteous and wasted; when in fact portrayed there is nothing less than Christ’s blessed face, he who is the fairness of heaven,flower of earth and the fruit of the Maiden’s womb. So how might this image be so dark in colour and so far from fair? I would like to tell you of the understanding I have been led into by the grace of God.
We know in our faith, and believe by the teaching and preaching of holy Church, that the blessed Trinity made humankind in his image and in his likeness. In the same manner, we know that when humankind fell so deep and so wretchedly into sin, there was no one to help restore us other than him who made us. And he that made humankind for love, by the same love restores humankind to the same bliss, even surpassing it. And just as we were the image of the Trinity in our first making, our Maker wills that by virtue of our remaking, we should be the image of Jesus Christ, our Saviour, in heaven without end.
And between these two events, for the love and honour of humankind, he wishes to make himself like us this mortal life, in our foulness and our wretchedness, so that we might be without guilt. This is what was meant previously when it was said that it was in the very image and likeness of our foul and soiled life’s shame that our fair, bright and blessed Lord God lies hidden. But this is certainly true and we out to trust it, that there was never so fair a man as he, until the time his fair colour was changed by travail and sorrow, and by his passion and dying. I speak of this in the Eighth Revelation, where I discuss the same matter further. And where it speaks of the Veil of Rome, it concerns the many changes of colour and expression - sometimes more comforting and life-giving, but at other times, more wretched and deathly.
Through this vision I was taught to understand that it pleases God greatly that we continually seek him: for we can do no more but to seek, suffer and trust. And this is brought about in the soul by the Holy Spirit while clarity of discovery is from his special grace and when it is his will. Seeking with faith, hope and love pleases our Lord, and the finding pleases the soul and fills it full with joy. And so I was taught to understand that seeking is as good as beholding, while he allows the soul to struggle. It is God’s will that we seek him, to the end that we behold him, waiting for the time when he reveals himself to us, through his special grace, at the time of his choosing. This does most honour to him and benefits you; and this occurs in the soul gently and effectively by the grace and leading of the Holy Spirit. For when a soul fastens itself to God with true trust, either in seeking or beholding, it is the best most worship that can be offered, in my view.
These are the two workings that may be seen in this vision: the one is seeking, and the other is beholding. The seeking is common, and every soul can experience this with God’s grace, and also through the discernment and teaching of the holy Church. It is God’s will that we have three things in our seeking. The first is that we seek earnestly and diligently, without sloth, and as grace permits, without unreasonable depression and self-indulgent sorrow. The second is that we abide steadfastly in his love to our life’s end, without murmuring or struggling against him; for these things will pass soon enough. The third is that we trust in him mightily, full of an assured faith. For it is his will that we know that he shall appear suddenly and blissfully to all that love him.
His working is secret, but he wills to be seen, and his appearing shall be sudden and swift. And he wills to be trusted, for he is most gracious and homely: blessed may he be!