CHAPTER 15
After this he showed a sovereign spiritual pleasure in my soul. I was filled with the everlasting sureness, a most strong feeling without any pain or dread. This feeling was so glad and so spiritual, and I had such a sense peace and rest, that there was nothing on earth that could upset me.
This lasted only a short while, and I was then changed and left to myself in the heaviness and weariness of my life, and with my irksome self, so that I scarcely had the patience to live. There was neither comfort nor ease for me except faith, hope and love; and though I knew these in truth, I did not know them in feeling.
And in a while our blessed Lord again gave me comfort and rest in my soul. It was so satisfying and sure, so blissful and so strong that no dread, no sorrow and no bodily pain that could be suffered could have distressed me. And then the pain was shown to me again, and then the pleasing joy, now the one, and now the other, many times over, perhaps about twenty in all. And in the time of joy I might have said with Saint Paul: ‘Nothing shall separate me from the love of Christ.’ And in the pain I might have said with Peter: ‘Lord, save me, I perish!’
As I understood it, this vision was shown me because it is necessary for some souls to feel in this way; sometimes to be in comfort, and sometimes to fail and to be left to them selves. God wills that we know he keeps us securely in both good and bad times. And for the good of our soul, we are sometimes left to ourselves, and sin is not always the cause. On this occasion when left to myself, I had not sinned, for it was all so sudden. Equally, I did not deserve to have this blessed feeling.
But our Lord gives freely when he will; and he allows us to be in woe sometime. Yet both are one and the same love. For it is God’s will that we hold ourselves in his comfort with all our might; for bliss is eternal, and pain is passing and shall be made as nothing for those who will be saved. And therefore it is not God’s will that we dwell on the feelings of pain, in sorrow and mourning for them, but rather, that we quickly pass through them and hold ourselves in his endless love.