Where to begin to offer measly thanks to the ridiculous numbers of people who helped me with this book and/or through this crap time in my life. This book would not exist without the boatloads of love and support that came my way; turns out writing nonfiction about an emotionally painful period of your life is—wait for it—emotionally painful.
Nina Solomon, thank you for the countless reads and rereads, and for being the amazing, genuine cheerleader that you are, and for mumble mumble decades of friendship. I just could not have gotten through any part of this without you. Cannot. Will not. Ever. You are my favorite for ever and for true, till Lois Lane.
Readers: Megan Stielstra, role model. David Ulin, your thoughtful notes were invaluable. Lindsay Muscato, Anne Hensley, Gina Frangello, Emily Rapp Black, Allison Mackie, your eyes and thoughts and support helped me more than you can possibly imagine.
Bob Leonard and Gaby Salick—you have no idea what you did for me. No idea. Your generosity is off the charts. I wrote a book in your apartment that probably wouldn’t exist otherwise.
Gift-givers, card-senders, food-bringers, people who called and Face-Timed and texted and emailed kind thoughts: There were so so so many and hopefully I remembered to send proper notes for the gifts, but for the rest: know that every single good thought that was sent to me during this crap time meant so much to me, every last Facebook comment and DM.
Ted Bonar and Lea Dooley—I mean. You don’t know. But I still dream of that lake and your good care, and Percy is probably still dreaming of it too, wherever he is now. Jen Pastiloff and all the beautiful women of the Tuscany trip, hard agree on life-changing. Chanda Prescod-Weinstein, Sarah Thyre, Jenn-Anne Gledhill, and Liz Cochran, your daily texts and thoughts and phone calls carried me. Rebecca Brown, your kindness is unmatched. Tod Goldberg and the rest of my dear UCR colleagues, Jill Essbaum, the KarZaps, Mary Otis, Joshua Malkin. Ken Foster, Julia Lane, Sarah Jaffe, Nelly Reifler, Amanda Stern, Lisa Lucas, Roy Kesey, Maret Orliss, Kiese Laymon, Rick Moody, Jade Chang, Nina Revoyr, Felicia Luna Lemus, Rachel Kann, Susan Kiyo Ito. Henslies, Emily Kastner, Casey Claussen, and all my Kalamazoo frens, each of you extended needed wisdoms and kindnesses. Caroline Leavitt: bringer of literary generosity and cardigans. Michele Filgate, Wendy Ortiz, Cari Luna, Bernadette Murphy, Donny Ward!, Joe Danisi, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Jon Ross, Victoria Loustalot!, Emily Rapp Black and Anne Hensley, double thanks to each of you for soup and books and linens and more. Luke, thank you for letting me include your hilarious words. Erin Williams, Melissa Febos, Leslie Jamison, Mary Karr, you don’t even know how much you helped me late in the game. Catherine Texier, and your lovely audience that magical night, you gave me the confidence to put this out there. Beloved former students, now friends: Heather Scott Partington, who never doesn’t send a card; Charli Engelhorn and Annemarie Hauser, I will never ever forget your kindness at that graduation, never; Sarah Sheppeck, for love and breakfasts.
Many thanks to David L. Ulin and air/light for publishing the excerpt.
Stephen Mailer: for rides all over the tristate area, some of them poopy. Michael Connors, Jenny Bransford, Michael Knight, Michelle Esrick, Lusia Strus, Karin Riggs, Suzanne Setterstrom, Lizzie Maya, Thomas Dunning, Shayne Adams, Nora O’Connor, Alex Beechko, Krissy Shields, Hal Strickland, Lonnie McDonald, your love and light. Frank Vitolo, forget about it. My East Village friends, my Upper West Side friends, my beloved Apocalypse friends, my Chicago friends, all my new nighttime friends, you have all listened and seen me and loved me with your huge, open hearts, and my gratitude is boundless.
Sarita Bhakuni: your support and generosity are beyond measure.
Alice Tasman, you are the best of the best and I adore you always; thank you for a couple decades of doing what you do so well. Remember lunches?
Dan Smetanka, this book would just not be what it is without your brilliant, thoughtful guidance. Leigh Newman, Andy Hunter, Laura Berry, Olivia Rollins, Dan López, Wah-Ming Chang, Rachel Fershleiser, Megan Fishmann, Selihah White, and the entire awesome Counterpoint team, my great appreciation is ongoing!
My buddy Percy: RIP, sweet boy. Thank you for sticking around just long enough. Pearl, thank you for overseeing my edits and keeping me warm in a pandemic. (Yes. These are my dogs.)
Ben, I’m not sure how many exes would be as cool as you have been about this, so I remain grateful for that, and for many, many beautiful years.
To my family, thank you for loving me. I love you back.
Michael and Janie Hurley, no amount of gushing could fully convey my love and gratitude. The love and joy you brought into my life in that sad year is unquantifiable. Gracie, I love you too, and in my world the sister of my pretend kid is also my pretend kid.
