Catastrophe

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She has seen every episode of Fixer Upper at least three or four times. She has seen every episode of Property Brothers as many times. She has seen people hunt for houses in this country and she has seen them hunt for houses internationally. She has studied all the home improvement shows for ideas for her own home. She can’t watch any of them now. She can’t watch any movie she saw with her husband. She definitely can’t go see that show at the Met Breuer that she’s interested in, and forget about art fairs ever. She can’t listen to any music she listened to with her husband. Please never speak the name of Robert Pollard within a one-mile radius around her. She can barely listen to some of the music she listened to while she was with her husband that he never listened to at all. She can’t watch any show that she and her husband watched together, which is fairly disappointing with regard to shows that are still on. Because if she does any of these things she will think about him, and the marriage, and she will think of things she might want to say to him about these things and she doesn’t want to think about him or the marriage for any more moments of the day than she already does, which is marriage-thinking-heavy as it is. She doesn’t want to say anything to him about anything now. Actually that’s not true. She wants to say many things to him and she wants him to say things back that will make any of this make sense, but it has so far been established that whenever any sense is made, soon enough it will be made even more senseless than it was in the first place, and so she’s more or less trying whatever she can to prevent herself from saying things in the hope that at some point she will actually stop wanting to say things. Please don’t tell her how good Catastrophe is this season. She doesn’t want to know.

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