Part Four

THE CHAPTERS OF BOOK THREE

Here begins the Book of Inner Consolation

ONE

How Christ speaks inwardly to the soul

‘Let me hear what God the Lord will speak.’¹

Blessed are the souls to whom the Lord speaks² and accept the comfort of His Word. Blessed are your ears that hear³ the divine faint murmuring sound⁴ and disregard the whispers of the world. Blessed are the ears that listen clearly to the inward teaching of the truth rather than the muttering voices of the world. Blessed are the eyes that are shut to external things but are fixed on inwards things. Blessed are those who penetrate into inner things and prepare every day to accept the secrets of heaven. Blessed are those who strive to be totally devoted to God and who free themselves from all the snares of the world.

O my soul, reflect on these things, and firmly shut the door against sensual desires so that you may hear what your Lord God is saying within you. For the Beloved says, ‘I am your salvation,⁵ your peace and your life; keep close to Me and you will find peace.’ Dismiss the transitory and grasp at the eternal. For what are the things of time but deceptions? How can any creature help you if your Creator deserts you? So put aside all else and make yourself acceptable to your Creator and be faithful to Him, so that you may take hold of real sanctification.

TWO

How truth speaks inwardly through silence

DISCIPLE: ‘Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening.’¹ ‘I am Your servant; give me understanding, so that I may know Your decrees.’² ‘Turn my heart to Your decrees.’³ Let Your speech descend on me like the dew.⁴ The people of Israel said to Moses, ‘You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, or we will die.’⁵ I do not pray like this, O Lord, but with the Prophet Samuel I humbly and earnestly beg, ‘Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening.’ Do not let Moses or the Prophets speak to me, but may You speak to me, O Lord God, for it is You who inspired and enlightened the Prophets. Without You they could do nothing. Only You can really instruct me without their help.

The Prophets can preach the Word, but they are unable to confer the Spirit. They utter fine words, but if You are silent, they cannot inspire the heart. They give us the writing, but You reveal the meaning. They expose the mysteries, but You expose the meaning of the secrets. They teach Your laws, but You give us the strength to follow them. They point the way, but You grant us the strength to follow it. Their action is external, but You instruct and enlighten the heart. They water the seed, but You make it grow.⁶ They preach the Word, but You give understanding to the mind.

So do not let Moses speak to me, but You, O Lord my God, the everlasting Truth, in case I die and bear no fruit. I am warned only by words but not enthused in my heart for fear it results in my condemnation if I hear Your Word but do not obey it, know Your Word but do not love it, believe it but do not keep it. So speak, Lord, Your servant is listening. ‘You have the words of eternal life.’⁷ Speak to me, Lord, and comfort my soul. Turn my life to Your praise, glory and everlasting honour.

THREE

On hearing the Word of God with humility

CHRIST: My child, hear My words. They are of great sweetness and exceed the learning of the philosophers and the wise of this world. My words are both Spirit and life¹ and beyond your understanding. They are not to be quoted out of vain pleasure, but are to be heard quietly² and accepted in humility and love.

DISCIPLE: ‘Happy are those whom You discipline, O Lord, and whom You teach out of Your law.’³ You restore them from misfortune and so they will not be desolate on the earth.

CHRIST: I have taught the Prophets from the beginning of the world.⁴ I do not cease to speak to people today; but many are hardened and deaf to My voice. Many pay more attention to the world than to God, and prefer to follow their bodily desires rather than becoming acceptable to God. The world is served with great enthusiasm and promises transitory rewards of no value. I promise everlasting and rich rewards, but people’s hearts are hardened to them. Who is there who serves and obeys Me with as much enthusiasm as they serve the world and its rulers? ‘Be ashamed, O Sidon, for the sea has spoken.’⁵ If you ask why this is, I will give you the reason.

For a very little reward, someone will rush away on a long journey, while many would hardly take a single step to gain eternal life. People look for trifling gains; they will quarrel shamefully over a single coin; they will work all day and night for nothing but a vague promise. What a shame! They are unwilling to suffer a little toil to gain an imperishable good, a reward beyond price, and the highest honour and unending glory. O reluctant and complaining servant! It is your shame that worldly people are more prepared for damnation than you are for salvation. They are more willing to seek vanity than you are willing to pursue the truth. Often, they are deceived in their aspirations but no one is ever deceived by My promises. Never did I send anyone who trusts in Me away empty. I give what I promise; I will perform what I have proclaimed, as long as you remain faithful to the end. I will reward all good people and vindicate all the faithful.

It will help you at times of temptation to write My words in your heart⁶ and consider them deeply. When you are reading, whatever you do not understand, you will discover on the day of My coming. I visit My chosen ones in two ways: with testing and with consolation. Each day I teach them two lessons. One when I correct their faults, the other when I encourage them to progress in virtue. ‘The one who rejects Me and does not receive My Word has a judge; on the last day the Word that I have spoken will serve as judge.’⁷

A PRAYER FOR THE GRACE OF DEVOTION

DISCIPLE: O Lord my God, You are my total good. Who am I that I should dare to speak to You?⁸ I am the poorest of Your servants and a miserable worm, much poorer and more worthless than I can ever understand or explain. Yet, Lord, remember that I am nothing. I have nothing, I can do nothing.⁹ You alone are just, good and holy. You can do all things, give all things, fill all things¹⁰ and leave only the wicked with nothing. ‘Be mindful of Your mercy, O Lord, and of Your steadfast love,’¹¹ and fill my heart with Your grace. For it is Your will that none of Your deeds should be empty. Can I endure my life of sorrows, unless You strengthen me with Your grace and mercy? Do not hide Your face from me.¹² Do not delay Your coming. Do not remove Your consolation from me in case my soul becomes like a dry desert.¹³ Teach me to do Your will,¹⁴ teach me to live well and humbly in Your sight. You are my wisdom. You know me well and knew me before the world was made and before I existed.¹⁵

FOUR

On living in truth and humility in the sight of God

CHRIST: My child, walk before Me in truth, and continually seek Me with a blameless heart.¹ Those who walk with Me in truth will be protected against the attacks of evil and freed from deceivers and the slanders of the wicked. If truth sets you free² you are free indeed, and you can ignore the vain words of others.

DISCIPLE: Lord, this is true. I beg You, let it be done to me as You have said. May Your truth teach me. May it defend me and lead me to ultimate salvation. May I be free from evil passions and lawless love. With my heart set free, I will walk with You.

CHRIST: In truth, I will teach you what is right and pleasing in My eyes.³ Recall your sins with great sorrow and displeasure and, whatever good deeds you may have done, think nothing of yourself. Remember that you are a sinner trapped and chained by many passions. In yourself you tend always to emptiness. You quickly fail and are overcome. You are rapidly disturbed and overthrown. You have nothing to boast about, but many things about which to be ashamed, for you are much weaker than you realize.

Do not regard anything you have done as being important. Do not let anything seem great, valuable or admirable to you. Nothing is worthy of respect, nothing eminent, praiseworthy or desirable except that which is eternal. Let your one and only joy be in the truth, and let your own miserable unworthiness always upset you. Nothing should be more feared, condemned and rejected than your own sins and vices. These should cause you more distress than if you lost everything. Some do not live obediently before Me⁴but, inspired by curiosity and arrogance, they wish to know My secrets and to discover the great mysteries of God, while ignoring the salvation of their own souls. When I refuse this, some people, because of their pride and inquisitiveness, often fall into great temptations and sins.

Stand in awe of God’s decrees⁵ and fear the vengeance of Almighty God.⁶ Do not be so arrogant as to explore the ways of the Most High, but rather examine yourself. See how greatly you have sinned, and how much good you have neglected. Some pursue their devotion solely through books, pictures and other outward signs and illustrations. Some have Me on their lips, but few in their hearts.⁷ There are others who are intellectually enlightened and have pure hearts and long for the things of heaven. These are reluctant to listen to worldly affairs, and resent having to meet their bodily needs. They completely understand the words of the Spirit of Truth within them.⁸ For He teaches them to reject earthly things and to love heavenly things; to forsake this world and long for heaven.

FIVE

On the amazing effect of divine love

DISCIPLE: O heavenly Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, may Your name be blessed for ever, for You have seen fit to think of me, the poorest of Your servants. Father of all mercies and God of all consolation,¹ I thank You that, unworthy as I am, You sometimes revive me with Your consolation. Blessing and honour be to You, with Your only begotten Son and with the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, now and through all eternity. You are my glory² and the joy of my heart,³ for You are my help and my refuge in the day of trouble.⁴

But now my love is weak and my goodness imperfect, so that I have great need of Your strength and comfort. So I pray, visit me often, and teach me in Your holy laws. Release me from evil and perverse passions and heal my heart from disorderly emotions; so that, healed and cleansed in spirit, I may grow more able to love, strong to endure and constant in perseverance.

Love is a mighty power, a total and immense good. Love alone lifts every burden and makes the rough places smooth.⁵ It carries every hardship as if it were nothing and makes all bitterness sweet and acceptable. The love of Jesus is wonderful and inspires us to noble actions. It encourages us always to desire perfection. Love yearns for higher things and is not held back by worthless things. Love wants to be free and a stranger to worldly desires, lest its inner vision become dimmed, and lest worldly self-interest restrain it or bad luck leave it behind. Nothing is sweeter than love; nothing is stronger, nothing higher, nothing broader, nothing more pleasing, nothing larger or better in heaven or on earth. For love is born of God⁶ and lies only in God, above all created things.

Love flies, runs and jumps for joy. It is free and unlimited. Love gives all for all, abiding in One who is higher than all things, from whom all goodness flows and emerges. Love is not concerned with gifts, but looks to the giver of all good gifts. Love knows no bounds, strongly transcends all barriers. Love feels no burdens, ignores hard work and aims at things beyond its powers. Love sees nothing as impossible, for it feels able to achieve all things.⁷ So love can do great things. It is effective in its tasks, whereas those who lack love faint and fail.

Love is vigilant and, while it rests, it never sleeps. When weary, it is not exhausted; imprisoned, it is never in chains.⁸ Disturbed, it is never afraid. It is a living flame and a burning light. It moves upward and overcomes every obstacle. Those who love God recognize the sound of His voice. The burning love of the soul cries out to the ears of God: ‘My God and my love. You are mine and I am Yours.’

A PRAYER

O Lord, deepen Your love in me so that I may learn, in my own heart, how good it is to love; to be melted and to plunge myself into Your love. Let Your love possess and lift me above myself and to an enthusiasm and awe beyond imagining. Let me sing the song of love.⁹ Let me follow You, my beloved, to the heights; let my soul be drained in Your praise, celebrating love. Let me love You more than myself, and myself only for Your own sake. Let me love all those who truly love You and the law of love, which shines out from Your commands.

Love is fast, pure, tender, joyful and satisfying. Love is strong, patient, faithful, wise, tolerant, energetic and never self-serving.¹⁰ For when someone is self-serving, they give up love. Love is attentive, humble and righteous. Love is not capricious or sentimental, nor is it obsessed with superficial things. It is sensible, honest, reliable, quiet and restrained in all ways. Love is submissive and obedient to Superiors, mean and contemptible in its own sight, but devoted and grateful to God. It trusts and hopes in Him, even when there is no sweetness of joy. For no one can live in love without suffering,

Whoever is not willing to endure everything and stand firmly by the will of the Beloved is not worthy to be called a lover. Love must freely accept every hardship and bitterness for the sake of the Beloved, and in adversity must never desert Him.

SIX

On demonstrating true love

CHRIST: My child, you are not yet a brave and wise lover.

DISCIPLE: Why Lord?

CHRIST: Because, as soon as you face a little trouble, you give up what you have started and desperately seek consolation. A brave lover stands firm in temptation, and ignores the subtle arguments of the Devil. He is as true to Me in adversity as in prosperity.¹

A wise lover respects not so much the gift of the lover, as the love of the giver. The affection is appreciated more than the gift, but every gift is valued less than the Beloved. A worthy lover is not content with the gift, but desires Me above all gifts. So if sometimes you do not feel that devotion to Me and My Saints that you desire, all is not lost. The good and sweet affection which you sometimes enjoy is the result of My grace in you and is a foretaste of your heavenly habitation. Do not rely on it too much, because it comes and goes. It is a valuable sign of virtue and merit, if you fight against recurring evil thoughts and reject scornfully the proposals of the Devil.

Do not be disturbed by strange impulses, wherever they come from. Stick boldly to your purpose and focus your proper objective on God alone.² If you are sometimes caught up in ecstasy, it is no illusion, but then you quickly return to your normal trivial thoughts. For these are involuntary, not deliberate, and as long as they do not please you, they can be turned to your gain and not your loss.

You can be sure that the old Enemy is working by every means possible to frustrate your desire for good, and to entice you away from every spiritual exercise and devotion: from the veneration of the Saints, from the devout consideration of My Passion, from beneficial examination of your sins, from the guarding of your heart, and from the determination to grow in holiness.

The Devil imposes many evil thoughts to discourage you, and draws you away from spiritual reading and prayer. He despises humble confession and, if he could, he would make you give up Holy Communion. Do not listen to him or believe in him, however often he tries to ensnare you. Accuse him of it when he suggests evil and unholy things. Say to him, ‘Out of my sight, Satan,³ be ashamed, miserable wretch. You are really foul to speak of these things. Away with you, most evil of liars. You shall have no place with me. Jesus will be with me like a mighty warrior and you will be confounded.⁴ I would rather die and suffer any torture than agree with you. Keep silent and hold your tongue. I will not listen to you any longer, however often you pester me.’ ‘The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?’⁵ ‘Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear.’⁶ ‘O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.’⁷

Fight like a good soldier,⁸ and if weakness leads you to fall sometimes, recover great strength and put your trust in My more abundant grace. Also, be on your guard against conceit and self-loving. This can lead many into error, and sometimes causes complacency and almost incurable blindness of heart. Let the overthrowing of the proud, who trusted in their own strength, be a warning to you, and keep you perpetually humble.

SEVEN

On grace concealed under humility

CHRIST: My child, it is safer and better for you to hide the grace of devotion. Do not boast about it, do not speak frequently about it, and do not think much about it. It is better to think very humbly of yourself, and to fear that this grace has been granted to someone who is unworthy of it. Never rely much on feelings, for they may be quite quickly changed into their opposite. When you rejoice in grace, consider how sad and needy you are without it. Progress in the spiritual life depends not so much on enjoying consoling grace, as on accepting its withdrawal with humility, resignation and patience, and without growing weary in prayer or neglecting other acts of devotion. To the best of your ability and understanding do willingly whatever lies in your power and do not neglect your life of prayer because of dryness or anxiety.

There are many who become impatient or lazy when things do not go the way they want them to. But our life is not always under our control.¹ It is up to God to offer consolation when He wishes, as much as He wishes, and to whom He wishes, just as He pleases and no more. Some careless people have brought ruin on themselves in their experience of devotion by attempting things beyond their powers, and ignoring the measure of their own insignificance by following the promptings of their heart rather than rational judgement. Because they presumed greater things than God expects of them, they soon lost His grace. These souls, who sought to build their nest beyond the clouds,² became needy and wretched outcasts. Thus they were brought low and into poverty, so that they might learn not to fly with their own wings, but to put themselves under My wings.³ Those who are still new and untested in the ways of the Lord can easily be deceived and lost, unless they are guided by wise advice.

If they follow their own ideas rather than trust other experienced people, their end will be perilous, unless they are willing to be weaned away from their own conceits. For those who are wise in their own conceit⁴ rarely accept with humility the guidance of others. A little knowledge and understanding tempered by humility is better than a great treasury of knowledge linked to self-satisfaction. It is better to have a few talents than many, which can lead to conceit. Those who surrender to happiness, forgetful of their former poverty, are very unwise. For they forget also the pure reverence for the Lord which is frightened to lose the grace which has been given. Nor is someone wise who, in times of adversity, gives in to despair and does not trust in Me.

Those who feel secure in times of peace can often be discouraged and afraid in times of war. If you took care to stay humble and modest about yourself, and to direct and control your mind in moderation,⁵ you would not so easily fall into danger and disgrace. When the devotional Spirit is aflame in you, you will be well advised to consider how you will behave when that light leaves you. When this does happen, remember that this light, which I have temporarily withdrawn, is a warning to you and is for My glory⁶and will return one day.

Such testing is more often beneficial than if all went well with you and in accordance with your wishes. For our worthiness is not to be measured by the visions and comforts we may enjoy, nor by knowledge of the Scriptures, nor by being lifted to an elevated position. It is, rather, measured by being steeped in humility and filled with the love of God, by simple, regular and sincere seeking for God’s glory, by the low esteem and deprecation of ourselves,⁷ and by preferring to be despised and humiliated rather than the great honours that others receive.

EIGHT

On humility in the sight of God

DISCIPLE: ‘Let me take it upon myself to speak to the Lord, I who am dust and ashes.’¹ If I think of myself as anything more than that, You confront me, and my sins, which I cannot refute, bear true witness against me. But if I humble myself and admit my nothingness; if I reject all my self-esteem and reduce myself to the dust that I really am, then Your grace will come to me, and Your light will come into my heart. So the last trace of self-esteem will be swallowed up in the depth of my own nothingness, and vanish for ever. In this way You reveal my true self to me – what I am, what I have been and what I have become – because in myself I am nothing and I did not realize it. By myself, I am nothing and am all weakness. But if, for a moment, You look on me, I become strong once again and am filled with new joy. It amazes me how quickly You lift up and enfold me with Your grace, who on my own would fall into the depths.

It is Your love that achieves this, guiding and supporting me freely in my many needs, guarding me from terrible dangers and, as I honestly confess, saving me from endless evils. Since, by pernicious self-love, I had lost myself,² now by seeking to love You alone I have found both You and myself. By that love I have humbled myself into total nothingness. Sweetest Lord, You treat me much better than I deserve, and above all that I dare to hope or pray for.

O my blessed Lord God, I am not worthy of any blessings, yet Your kindness and endless goodness never stop benefiting even those who are ungrateful³ and have strayed far from You. Turn our hearts to You,⁴ so that we may be grateful, humble and dedicated. For You are our salvation, our power and our strength.

NINE

Everything relates to God as our last end

CHRIST: My child, if you desire to be truly blessed, I must be your highest and final end. Too often your affections are wrongly focused on yourself or other creatures. But, if they are fixed on Me, they will be cleansed. When you seek yourself in anything you at once become discouraged and desolate. So refer everything to Me, for it is I who have given everything to you. Realize that everything emerges from the supreme Good,¹ because they must all return to Me as their Creator.

Draw the water of life² from Me, as from a living fountain, small and great, rich and poor alike. Those who freely and gladly serve Me will receive grace upon grace.³ But whoever seeks to rejoice in anything other than Me,⁴ or to delight in some personal benefit, will not be grounded in true joy or be free of heart.⁵ They will be hindered and frustrated in many ways. So ascribe nothing good to yourself or anyone else, but attribute everything to God, without whom you have nothing. I have given everything and I desire that everything will return to Me again. I shall demand a grateful and exact account.

It is this truth which puts to rout all false glory. If heavenly grace and true love enter in, there will be no envy or meanness of heart, nor will self-love predominate. For God’s love conquers everything⁶ and increases every power of the soul. If you are really wise, you will rejoice and hope in Me alone; for no one is good except God alone.⁷ He is to be praised above all and to be blessed in all.

TEN

On despising the world and the joy of serving God

DISCIPLE: Lord, I cannot keep silent. I will speak once more. I will say to my God, my Lord and my King, who lives on high, ‘O how abundant is Your goodness that You have laid up for those who fear You.’¹ But what are You to those who love You? What are You to those who serve You with their whole heart? The contemplation of Yourself is endless sweetness, which You lavish on those who love You. The great demonstration of Your love is shown in that, when I had no being, You created me. When I went astray, You brought me back to Your service and taught me to love You.²

O source of eternal love, what can I say of You? How can I forget You, who have consented to remember me,³ even after I was corrupted and lost? The mercy You have shown to Your servant is beyond all my expectations. You have given grace and friendship beyond all that I deserve. What return can I make to You for this grace?⁴ For it is not given to all of us to surrender everything, to renounce the things of the world and enter into the Religious Life. All creation is bound to serve You, so is it a wonderful thing that I should serve You? It should not seem much to me that I should serve You, but it is a great and wonderful thing for me that You are willing to accept into Your service one so poor and unworthy and be willing to count me among Your beloved servants.

All that I have is Yours, including myself.⁵ But it is You who serve me rather than I serving You. You created heaven and earth for the use of humanity, and they await Your pleasure and obey Your laws every day. And this is very little since You have appointed Your angels to minister to us.⁶ But above all this, You come down Yourself to serve us and have promised us the gift of Yourself.

What return can I make for all these endless gifts? If only I could serve You faithfully all the days of my life!⁷ If only I could offer You proper service even for one single day! For You alone are worthy of all service, honour and everlasting praise.⁸ You are truly my God, and I am Your poor servant, bound to serve with all my ability, nor should I ever tire of praising You. It is my wish and desire that I ask You to supply in me whatever is lacking.

It is a great honour and glory to serve You and to despise everything else for Your sake. Great grace will be given to those who have entered willingly into Your most holy service. Those who for Your love have renounced all the delights of the flesh will discover the delectable consolations of the Holy Spirit.⁹ Those who enter on the narrow way¹⁰ and put aside all worldly interests for Your name’s sake will win true freedom of mind.

O gracious and joyful service of God, in which we are made truly free and holy! O sacred state of devout service, which makes us equal to the Angels, pleasing to God, terrifying to devils and an example to all faithful people! O most lovely and desirable service, in which we receive the reward of the supreme God and gain the joy that lasts for ever!

ELEVEN

The desires of the heart need to be examined and disciplined

CHRIST: My child, you have still many things to learn.

DISCIPLE: Lord, what are these?

CHRIST: You must shape your desires in accordance with My will,¹ and not love yourself, but be a disciple of My wishes. Desires often inflame you, and violently drive you forward. But reflect on whether you are moved most by your self-interest or by My honour. If I am the reason, you will be satisfied with whatever I shall decide. But if your hidden motive is self-interest, this will be an obstacle and a burden to you.

So take care not to depend excessively on any preconceived desire without asking My advice, in case you come to regret or be displeased with what at first satisfied you, and for which you were very enthusiastic. Not every feeling that seems good should be acted upon at once, nor should every feeling that runs contrary to your inclinations be rejected immediately. It is sometimes necessary to restrain even your good intentions and endeavours, in case by too much enthusiasm your mind becomes distracted, or by lack of discipline you offend others, or you suddenly become confused and upset by the opposition of others.

You must bravely and forcibly resist your sensual appetite, ignoring what the body likes or dislikes, and struggle to subdue the unwilling flesh to the spirit.² For, unless it is obedient in everything, it must be corrected and brought under control. It must learn to be content with little, to take pleasure in simple things and not to complain of any hardship.

TWELVE

On gaining patience and resisting evil desires

DISCIPLE: O Lord God, I know that endurance is necessary above all else.¹ For in this life there are many trials. However earnestly I seek peace, I cannot escape struggle and sorrow.²

CHRIST: This is true, My child. But it is My desire that you do not try to find somewhere free of troubles and temptations. It is better to seek a peace that endures, even when you are disturbed by various temptations and tested by great adversity.³ If you say that you cannot endure much, how will you endure the fires of purgatory?⁴ Always choose the lesser of two evils. For God’s sake try to endure patiently all the ills of this life so that you may escape everlasting punishment. Do you think that people in this world suffer little or nothing? Ask the richest people, and you will find that is not the case.

But, you may reply, they enjoy many pleasures and follow their own desires. In that way they make light of their afflictions. But even if they enjoy what they desire, how long will it last? The rich of this world will be dispersed like smoke⁵ and no memory of their past pleasures will remain. But even while they are living, they do not enjoy them without bitterness, weariness and fear. For the very things from which they derive their pleasures often carry with them the seeds of sorrow. And this is only right, for having sought and followed pleasures to excess, they cannot enjoy them without shame and bitterness. How short-lived and false, how disorderly and ignoble are all these pleasures! Yet such people are besotted and blind, so that, like dumb animals, they bring death to their souls by the passing enjoyments of this corruptible world! My child, do not follow your lusts or be self-willed.⁶ Delight in the Lord and He will grant you your heart’s desire.⁷

If you wish to taste real pleasure and receive the fullness of My consolation, realize that your blessing will come from despising worldly things and resisting low desires. In this way you will gain abundant blessings. The more you withdraw yourself from worldly comforts, the sweeter and stronger consolation you will find in Me. But you will not find these all at once, or without sorrow, work and effort. Old habits will be obstacles but, through better habits, they will be overcome.⁸ The body will complain, but a fervent spirit can discipline it. That Ancient Serpent⁹ will provoke and disturb you, but he will be put to flight by prayer. By profitable work you close the wide path through which he comes to attack you.

THIRTEEN

On humble obedience after the example of Christ

CHRIST: My child, whoever tries to break away from obedience, leaves grace behind. Those who seek personal privileges lose those which are common to everyone. When someone is reluctant to obey a Superior freely and willingly, it is a sign that the lower nature is not yet under control, but often rebels and complains. So, if you wish to subdue your lower nature, learn to obey your Superior promptly. For the external enemy is more easily conquered if the inner being is not broken down. When you are not in harmony with the Spirit, there is no enemy more wicked or troublesome for the soul than yourself. If you are to triumph over flesh and blood, you must have real contempt for yourself. You are not willing to surrender your will to others because you are still full of self-love.

Is it such a great thing for you, who are only dust and nothing,¹ to submit yourself to another for God’s sake, when I, the Almighty and the Most High, who created everything out of nothing, humbly submitted Myself to humanity for your sake?² I became the humblest and least of all, so that through My humility you might overcome your pride. You, who are but dust, must learn to obey. You, who are earth and clay, must learn to humble yourself and to grovel before the feet of all. Learn to restrain your desires and surrender yourself to total obedience.

Turn your anger on yourself, and do not allow swollen pride to remain in you. Show yourself to be so submissive and humble that everyone may walk on you and trample over you, like the mud in the streets.³ You worthless person, what right have you to complain? What can you, an unclean sinner, reply to anyone who castigates you when you have so often offended God and so many times deserved hell? But I have spared you,⁴ for your soul was precious to Me, so that you may know My love and always be grateful for My kindness. Also, accept patiently any contempt laid on you in order that you might continuously give yourself to true obedience and humility.

FOURTEEN

On the need to consider God’s secret judgements and not to rejoice in goodness

DISCIPLE: Your judgements thunder against me, Lord. My bones tremble and shake with fear, and my soul is greatly frightened. I stand awestruck, reflecting that the very heavens are not innocent in Your sight.¹ If You found Your Angels at fault² and You did not spare them,³ what can be my fate? Even the stars fall from heaven.⁴ What then of me who am but dust? People with praiseworthy actions have fallen into the pit, and I have seen those who have been fed with the bread of Angels⁵ guzzling pig’s food.

Lord, if you withdraw Yourself, there can be no holiness. If You cease to guide, no wisdom will help. If You cease to defend us, no courage can sustain us. If You do not guard us, no purity is safe. No watchfulness of our own can save us unless Your holy direction protects us.⁶ For if You abandon us, we drown and perish.⁷ But if You come to us, we are raised up and live again. We are unreliable, unless You strengthen us. We are cold and dull unless You inflame us with enthusiasm.

How humble and insignificant I am! If there is any good in me it is as nothing. Lord, I submit myself in all humility to Your mysterious judgements.⁸ O immeasurable greatness, I acknowledge my total nothingness. O impassable ocean! Now I see myself as totally and wholly nothing! Where can pride conceal itself now? Where is my previous confidence in my virtue now? All my empty conceits are swallowed up in the depths of Your judgements upon me.

What is all flesh in Your eyes?⁹ Can the clay boast against Him who shaped it?¹⁰ Can anyone who is truly subject to God be puffed up with vain boasting?¹¹ The whole world cannot lift up someone whom the truth has made subject to itself, nor can anyone who has put all hope in God be moved by the words of those flatterers. Even those who speak like this are nothing. They will pass away with the sound of their own words, but the truth of the Lord stands fast for ever.¹²

FIFTEEN

How we should act and speak in relation to our desires

CHRIST: My child, let your prayer always be: ‘Lord, if it be Your will, let it be so.¹ Lord, if this is good and beneficial, give me grace to use it to Your glory. But if it harms or hurts my soul’s health, then I pray take this desire out of my mind.’ Not every desire comes from the Holy Spirit, even if it seems right and good. It is frequently hard to decide whether a desire springs from good or from evil motives or whether it arises out of your own impulses. Many who at first seemed to be led by the Holy Spirit are finally deceived.

So whatever the mind considers beneficial is only to be desired and sought in the fear of God and with humility. Above all, entrust everything to Me, and commit yourself totally to Me, saying: ‘Lord, You know what is best; let everything be in accordance with Your will. Grant what You will, as much as You will, and when You will. Do with me as You will and is best pleasing to You and is most to Your glory. I am in Your hands: guide me according to Your will. I am your servant² and I am ready for anything. I do not wish to live for myself, but only for You. How I wish I could serve You suitably and perfectly!’

A PRAYER THAT THE WILL OF GOD MAY BE DONE

DISCIPLE: Most gracious Jesus, grant me Your grace, I pray. Let it live in me and work in me³ and stay in me until the end. Grant me the will and desire to do always what is most pleasing and acceptable to You. Let Your will be mine and let my will always follow and be conformed totally to Your own. May my will be at one with You, and unable to do anything other than what You like or dislike. May I die to all things in this world, and for Your sake love to be despised and unknown. Above all let me rest in You⁴ so that my heart may find peace in You alone. For You are the real peace of the heart, its proper resting place, and away from You all is hard and restless. I will live and take my rest⁵ in the real peace, which is in You, the final, supreme and everlasting Good. Amen.

SIXTEEN

How true comfort is found in God alone

DISCIPLE: Whatever I wish or hope for in consolation, I do not expect to find now, but later. For, if I were to enjoy all the pleasures of the world and were able to experience all its delights,¹ they would certainly pass away. So my soul can never find total satisfaction or complete refreshment except in God alone. He is the comfort of the poor and the defender of the humble. Be patient, my soul; wait for the completion of God’s promise and you will enjoy the richness of His goodness in heaven. But if you long excessively after the good things of life, you will lose those of heaven and eternity.² So put to good use the things of this world, but only desire the things that are eternal. The things of this world will never satisfy you because you were not created for the simple enjoyment of them.³

If you enjoyed everything that exists, this would not in itself bring you blessing and happiness, for all true joy and blessing lies in God alone, who is the Creator of all things. Those who foolishly love this world cannot see or admire this sort of happiness. It is only sought by the good and faithful servants of Christ. They are those who are spiritual and pure in heart,⁴ whose thoughts are on heaven and sometimes enjoy a foretaste of it. All human consolation is empty and brief. Blessing and true comfort is received inwardly from the truth. A devout person always carries Jesus the Comforter in the heart and says to Him, ‘Lord Jesus, stay with me everywhere and at all times; let this be my comfort, to be ready and willing to go without all earthly comfort. And if Your consolation is missing may Your holy will and just judgement of my life be my greatest comfort. For You will not always be angry nor will You condemn me for ever.’⁵

SEVENTEEN

How we must put our whole trust in God

CHRIST: My child, let My will be your guide. I know what is best for you. Your understanding is human and your judgement is affected by your personal concerns.

DISCIPLE: Lord, what You say is true. Your concern will order my life better than I can myself. Those who do not place their anxiety on You¹ will be very insecure. Lord, keep my will steadfast and true to You. Do with me whatever You please, for everything is good which comes to me through Your will. If You want me to be in darkness, blessed be Your name. If it is light, blessed be Your name. If You grant me comfort, blessed be Your name. If You wish to test me, blessed be Your name for ever.

CHRIST: My child, if you wish to walk with Me may this be your inclination. Be just as ready to suffer as to be happy, be as willing to be poor and needy as to enjoy wealth and prosperity.

DISCIPLE: Lord, I will accept gladly whatever You will send to me. I will accept gladly from Your hand both good and evil,² sweet and bitter, joy and sorrow, and I will thank You whatever happens to me. Lord, just keep me from all sin and I will fear neither death nor hell.³ I ask that You do not reject me for ever,⁴ nor remove my name from the book of life.⁵ Then whatever trials afflict me can do me no harm.

EIGHTEEN

How we must follow patiently Christ’s example in bearing sufferings

CHRIST: My child, I came down from heaven for your salvation.¹ I took your sorrows upon Myself, not because I had to, but out of pure love, so that you might learn patience and accept without complaint all the troubles of the world. From the moment of My birth until My death on the Cross, I had always to endure sufferings.² I suffered the loss of all worldly goods. Many accusations were brought against Me. When I was insulted and shamed, I accepted it gently. In return for blessing, I received ingratitude; for miracles, blasphemies; and for My teaching, rebukes.

DISCIPLE: Lord, during Your life You were patient, especially in fulfilling Your Father’s commands. So it is fitting that I, a miserable sinner, should patiently bear the burdens of this corruptible life, according to Your will and for the salvation of my soul, as long as it will be Your will. For even though this present life is hard, by Your grace it is made full of merit. By Your example and the lives of Your Saints it is made easier and happier for the weak. Its consolations are richer than under the old law, when the gates of heaven were shut and the path to it dark, so that few cared to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. And even those who in former days were righteous and to be saved could not enter the Kingdom of Heaven until Your Passion and the Atonement of Your holy death had taken place.

What endless gratitude is due to You for showing to me and to all faithful people the true and holy way to Your everlasting kingdom! Your life is our way, and by holy persistence we will travel towards You, our crown and our encouragement. Lord, if You had not gone ahead of us and shown us the way, who could follow You?³ How many would have stayed behind, a long way back, if they did not have Your great example as their guide? We are cold and careless even though we have heard Your teaching and Your powerful acts. What would happen to us if we did not have Your light as a guide?⁴

NINETEEN

On accepting injuries and the proof of patience

CHRIST: My child, what is it you are saying? Stop complaining and reflect on My sufferings and those of My Saints. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.¹ Your troubles are but small in comparison with those who have suffered so much, whose temptations were strong, whose trials were severe and who were proved and tested in very many ways.² Remember the much greater sufferings of others, so that you may more easily bear your own small troubles. If they do not seem small to you, your impatience may be the cause; and whether they are small or great, try to accept them patiently.

The better you prepare yourself to accept suffering, the more wisely you will accept it, and the greater will be your merit. You will accept everything more easily if your heart and mind are properly prepared. Do not say, ‘I cannot tolerate it from this person, nor will I put up with these things. A great injury has been done to me and accusations made about things I have never considered. But I will gladly accept it from another person as far as I regard it as something to be tolerated.’ Such thoughts are foolish, for if you think only of the person who has injured you and the wrongs you suffer, you ignore the benefits of patience and Him who rewards it.

You are not really patient if you only put up with what you think you should, and only from those you like. A really patient person does not consider those who test them, be they a superior or an equal, or an inferior person, or a good and holy person, or a perverse and wicked one. But however great or frequent the trials that beset you, and from whatever source they come, gladly accept them as from the hand of God and it is all gain.

If you wish for victory, always be ready for battle. You cannot win the crown of patience without a struggle.³ If you refuse to suffer, you decline the crown. If you desire the crown, fight bravely and endure patiently. No rest is won without hard work. There can be no victory without a battle.

DISCIPLE: Lord, that which is impossible to me by my nature make possible to me by Your grace. You know how little I can bear, and how quickly I become discouraged by small adversities. I pray You to make every test lovely and desirable for Your name’s sake. Suffering and pain for Your sake are so beneficial to the health of my soul.

TWENTY

On confessing our weakness and the trials of life

DISCIPLE: Lord, I confess my sinfulness and acknowledge my weakness.¹ Often it is a little thing which defeats and troubles me. I decide to act boldly, but when I am disturbed by a little temptation, I am in a tight corner. A very petty thing can lead to a strong temptation; and when I think I am safe, I am almost knocked over by a light breeze.

Lord, look on my lowness and weakness, for You know everything. Have mercy on me and lift me up from the mire, so that I may not stick fast in it² nor stay defeated. Frequently, this is what defeats and beats me down before You: that I am liable to fall and am so weak in resisting my passions. And although I do not always totally give in to them, yet their assaults trouble and distress me, so that I am tired of living constantly in conflict. My weakness is clear to me, for evil fantasies rush in more quickly than they depart.

Most mighty God of Israel, zealous lover of souls, I ask You to remember the toil and grief of Your servant and to support me in all that I do. Strengthen me with heavenly courage lest my old and wicked enemy, the flesh, which is not yet totally subject to the spirit, prevail and gain the upper hand. For whilethere is breath in me in this troublesome life, I must fight against it. What a sad life it is where trials and sorrows never end, and where all things are full of snares and enemies. For when one test or temptation departs another takes its place.³ Even while the battle rages, other unnumbered and unexpected troubles arise.

How can we love life, when it holds such bitterness and produces so many sorrows and abuses? How, then, can it be called life, which spawns such a great amount of pain and death? Yet it is loved and many find great delight in it. The world is often blamed for its falseness and vanity, but it is not easily given up. The desires of the body exert a strong control. Some things make us love the world; other things make us hate it. All that panders to the appetites, or entices the eyes and all the arrogance of life,⁴ draws us to love the world. But the pains and sorrows that rightly follow cause us to hate and be tired of it.

It is sad that a perverted idea of pleasure conquers the mind and surrenders to the world, and enjoys lying among the brambles.⁵ It has neither seen nor tasted the sweetness of God⁶ and the inner joy of holiness. But those who perfectly despise the world, and study to live under God’s holy law, know something of that heavenly sweetness promised to all who sincerely leave the world behind. They see very clearly how the world goes astray, and how grievously it is deceived.

TWENTY-ONE

How we must rest in God above all His gifts

DISCIPLE: O my soul, rest always in the Lord above all things and in all things, for He is the everlasting rest of the Saints.

A PRAYER

Most dear and loving Jesus, let me rest in You above all created things;¹ above health and beauty; above all glory and honour; above all power and grandeur; above all knowledge and skill; above all fame and praise; above all sweetness and consolation; above all hope and promise; above all merit and desire; above all the gifts and favours that You can award and shower upon us; above all joy and celebration that the mind can conceive and know; above Angels and Archangels and all the hosts of heaven; above all things visible and invisible and everything that is not Yourself, O my God.

O Lord my God, You transcend all things; You alone are Most High, most mighty, most sufficient and complete, most sweet and comforting. You alone are most full of beauty and glory, in whom all good things in their perfection exist, both now and ever have been and ever will be. Therefore everything that You can give me is too small and unsatisfying except Yourself, or that which You can reveal and promise me of Yourself unless I can see and fully possess You. For my heart cannot rest nor be wholly content until it rests in You,² and rises above all Your gifts and creatures.

O Lord Jesus Christ, spouse of the soul,³ lover of purity and Lord of creation, who will give me wings of perfect liberty so that I may fly to You and be at rest?⁴ When shall I be set free and taste Your sweetness?⁵ O Lord my God, when shall I become totally absorbed in You, so that for love of You I may no longer be conscious of myself but only of You, in a way not known to many and beyond all perception and analysis? But now I mourn and carry my unhappy load with grief, for in this vale of sorrows many evils occur which frequently disturb, sadden and darken my path. They often obstruct and distract, entice and entangle me, so that I cannot approach You freely, nor yet enjoy the sweet embrace which You prepare for the souls of the blessed.

O Jesus, brightness of eternal glory, and comfort of the pilgrim soul, hear my cry and look on my total desolation. Words fail me in Your presence; may my silence speak for me. How long will My Lord delay His coming? Lord, come to me, the poor and small thing that I am, and bring me joy. Stretch out Your hand and save me from all misery and pain. Come Lord, come,⁶ for no day or hour is happy without You. Without You my table has no guest, for You alone are my joy. Sadness is my due and I am like someone imprisoned and loaded with chains until You revive me with the light of Your presence and, as my friend, show Your face.⁷ Let others look for whatever they wish apart from You, but nothing can ever, or will ever, give me joy except You alone, my God, my hope and my eternal salvation. I will not keep silent, nor cease from urgent prayer, until Your grace returns and my heart leaps at the sound of Your voice.

CHRIST: See, I am here. I have come at your call. Your tears and your soul’s desire, your humiliation and penitence of heart, have moved Me to come to you.

DISCIPLE: Lord, I have called for You and longed for You. I am ready to surrender everything for Your sake, who first moved me to look for You. Blessed be Your name, O Lord, for Your goodness to Your servant according to the riches of Your mercy.⁸ What more can Your servant say, Lord? Ever mindful of my own wickedness and unworthiness, I can only humble myself completely in Your presence. For among the wonders of earth and heaven, nothing can compare with You.⁹

All Your works are good. Your judgements are true¹⁰ and by Your providence You rule over everything. Praise and glory be to You, O Wisdom of the Father! Let my soul, my lips and all creation join in Your blessing and Your praise.

TWENTY-TWO

On recalling God’s many blessings

DISCIPLE: Open my heart, O Lord, to understand Your law and teach me to live according to Your commandments.¹ Let me know Your will and let me devoutly reflect on all Your many blessings so that hereafter I may give to You proper and worthy thanks. I realize and confess that I am utterly unable to give You proper gratitude, even for the smallest of the many blessings You give me. For I am less than the least of all Your gifts. When I think of Your endless generosity, I faint before its magnitude.

Whatever powers of the soul or the body we possess, outwardly or inwardly, natural or supernatural, are Your own gifts. They proclaim the richness of the loving and good God from whom we receive all good gifts.² All gifts are Yours, whether they are many or few, and without You we have nothing. So those who have received endless gifts should not, for that reason, boast of any merits or exalt themselves above other human beings, nor despise those who are not so richly endowed. For the greater and better someone is, the less they will attribute to themselves, and the more humbly and devoutly give thanks to God. Those who hold themselves in humble esteem and consider themselves unworthy are more fitted to receive God’s greatest gifts.

Someone who has not gained many gifts should not, for that reason, be disappointed or envious of those who have been given much more. It is better if they turn to You and praise Your goodness. For Your gifts are given generously, freely and willingly, without any respect of persons.³ All good things come from You, so You are to be praised in all things.⁴ You alone know what is fitting for each person to receive, and it is not for us to judge why one has less and another more. You alone can weigh the merits of each one.

O Lord God, I count it a great mercy not to have many of those gifts which, in the eyes of others, seem to be praiseworthy and admirable. For those who recognize their own poverty and inferiority should not be sad, sorry or dejected because of that. It is better that they should take comfort and be glad that You, O God, have chosen the poor, the humble, the despised in this world to be Your own familiar friends⁵ and servants. Your Apostles are themselves examples of this and You made them princes of the whole earth.⁶ Yet they lived in this world without complaining, being so humble, simple and without malice and deceit that they were glad to suffer reproaches for Your name’s sake⁷ and they embraced readily what the world seeks to avoid.

Nothing should give so much joy to anyone who loves You and receives Your blessings as that they should see Your holy will and good pleasure being fulfilled in them according to Your eternal purpose. They should be so greatly comforted by and content with this that they would be gladly seen as the least of people, in the same way as some might wish to be seen as very great. They should be as peaceable and content in the end as in the beginning.⁸ They should be as willing to be anonymous, despised and outcast with no reputation as to be honoured and exalted among the famous. It is Your will and the honour of Your name that must come before everything else. This will bring greater comfort and richer pleasure than all other benefits that have been or may be given.

TWENTY-THREE

On four things that bring peace

CHRIST: My child, I will now teach you the way of peace and true freedom.

DISCIPLE: Lord, teach me, please, I am eager to learn.

CHRIST: My child, do the will of others rather than your own.¹

Always choose to possess less rather than more.²

Always take the lowest place and see yourself as less than others.³

Desire and pray always that God’s will may be perfectly fulfilled in you.⁴

Those who observe these rules will come to enjoy peace and calmness of soul.

DISCIPLE: Lord, the whole secret of perfection lies in these few words of Yours. They are briefly put, but rich in meaning. If I could ever faithfully keep them, no trouble would distress me. For whenever I am anxious and weary, I find it is because I have strayed from Your teaching. All things are in Your power, and You always want to bring souls to perfection. Give me Your grace more fully. Help me to keep Your Word and move towards salvation.

A PRAYER AGAINST EVIL THOUGHTS

My Lord and my God, do not abandon me. Remember my needs, for many evil thoughts and terrible fears disturb my mind and frighten my soul. How shall I pass through them unhurt? How shall I break their power over me? You have said to me, ‘I will go before you and will humble the proud.’⁵ ‘I will open the gates of the prison and reveal to you the hidden treasures and secrets of the ages.’ O Lord, do as You have promised and let Your coming put to flight all evil thoughts. It is my hope and comfort that I can turn to You in all my troubles, put my trust in You, call upon You in my heart, and patiently wait for Your comfort.

A PRAYER FOR ENLIGHTENMENT

O merciful Jesus, send the brightness of Your light into my mind and banish all darkness from the sanctuary of my heart. Hold back many perverse thoughts and crush the temptations which surround me so violently. May Your strength be with me in the fight and overcome the seductive desires of the flesh, which rage in me like evil beasts. Bring peace by Your power⁶ and let Your praises be sung in the temple of a pure heart. Command the winds and storm,⁷ subdue the fury of the seas⁸ and the blast of the north wind, and there will be great calm. Send out Your light and Your truth⁹ to shine over the world; for until Your light illuminates my soul, I am just dull earth, formless and empty.¹⁰ Pour out Your grace from above, and bathe my heart in the dew of heaven.¹¹ Send fresh springs of devotion to water the face of the earth¹² and produce good and perfect fruit. Inspire my mind, now burdened by my sins, and fix my whole desire on heavenly things. Then, having once tasted the sweetness of everlasting joys, I may turn with disgust from all the passing pleasures of this world. Release me and set free my heart from all dependence on the transitory consolation of evil things. None of them can offer true satisfaction or fulfil my desires. Unite me to Yourself by the unbreakable bonds of love. You alone can satisfy the souls who love You, and without You the world is worthless.

TWENTY-FOUR

On avoiding curiosity about other people’s lives

CHRIST: My child, beware of curiosity and do not bother about empty matters.¹ What are they to you? Follow Me.² What concern is it of yours if someone is good or evil, or what anyone says or does? You will not be called to answer for others but you will definitely have to give an account of your own life.³ Why meddle where you do not need to? I know the hearts of everyone,⁴ and nothing under the sun is hidden from My knowledge. I know everyone’s lives, their thoughts, their desires and their intentions. So trust yourself totally to My care and let your heart be at peace. Let those who are inquisitive trouble themselves as they like. Their words and deeds will recoil on their own heads. For no one can deceive Me.

Do not curry favour with powerful patrons, or seek fame, nor even the special affection of friends. All these things are distractions and fill the heart with uncertainty. If you will be careful to watch for My coming and throw open the door of your heart,⁵ I will speak to you and reveal My secrets. Be ready, watch and pray.⁶ Above all, be humble.

TWENTY-FIVE

On lasting peace of mind and true progress

CHRIST: I have said, ‘Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives.’¹ Everyone wants peace but they do not all seek the things that bring real peace. My peace is with the humble and gentle of heart² and depends on great patience. If you listen to Me and follow My words, you will find true peace.

DISCIPLE: What must I do, Lord?

CHRIST: Pay attention to your whole life, what you say and do. Direct all your efforts to the one purpose of pleasing Me. Seek and desire Myself alone.³ Never pass rash judgements on the behaviour of others, and when you have not been asked your opinion, do not interfere. If you do as I tell you, you will rarely be troubled in mind. But do not imagine that you can avoid anxiety in this life, or that you will never experience emotional sorrow or physical pain, for true peace is only to be found in the state of eternal rest. So when you happen to experience no trouble, do not think that you have found true peace. Do not think all is well when no one opposes you. Nor should you consider that everything is perfect when everything happens as you want it. When you enjoy the grace of great devotion and sweetness, do not have a high opinion of yourself, or believe that you are God’s favourite. For the true lover of holiness is not known by these things, nor is our spiritual progress dependent on such things.

DISCIPLE: Then on what does it depend, Lord?

CHRIST: On the total surrender of your heart to the will of God, not seeking to have your own way, either in big or small matters, or in time or eternity. If you will make this submission you will thank God with equal gladness both in good times and in bad. Then you will accept everything as from His hand with an untroubled mind. Be courageous, and have such an unshakeable faith that when spiritual consolation is withdrawn you may prepare your heart for even greater trials. Do not think it is unjust that you suffer so much, but confess that I am righteous in all My dealings and so praise My holy name. In so doing you will walk in the true and noble path of peace, and I will surely come to you again⁴ and give you great joy.⁵ Just think humbly of yourself, and I promise you the greatest peace⁶ that is possible in this life.

TWENTY-SIX

On the excellence of an independent mind and the reward of humble prayer rather than reading

DISCIPLE: Lord, those who desire perfection must firstly keep the mind fixed on heavenly things at all times. By so doing they can pass through many troubles in a carefree way, not as those who lack the wisdom to realize the dangers around them, but in the strength of a free mind, unfettered by unnecessary attachment to worldly things.

Most loving God, I ask You to protect me so that I am not overcome by the cares of this life. Also, keep me from becoming a slave to my body’s many needs, so that I do not become absorbed in its pleasures. Save me from all the pitfalls which afflict my soul, so that I may not be overwhelmed or crushed by them. I do not ask to be protected from those things that vain and worldly people pursue with such ardour, but rather from those miseries that so heavily weigh down and impede the soul of Your servant, who lies under the curse which is common to all mortals.¹ It is these miseries that prevent my soul from entering into the true freedom of the spirit whenever I want. My God, my ineffable delight, make all worldly pleasure bitter to me. It draws me away from the love of everlasting joys, and wickedly seduces me by promising the joys of the present. I pray that I may not be overwhelmed by flesh and blood.² Do not let the world and its passing glory deceive me, nor let the Devil and his cunning overthrow me. Give me strength to resist, patience to endure and constancy to persevere. Give me the rich graces of Your spirit rather than the pleasures of the world, and replace all worldly love with the love of Your name.

The soul of a fervent spirit resents giving attention to food, drink, clothing and other bodily needs. Let me use these things in moderation, and not be over-concerned about them.³ It is wrong to ignore them, for nature calls us to meet those needs, but the law of holiness forbids us to crave useless luxuries, for then the body rebels against the spirit. I ask that Your hand may guide and rule me in all things so that moderation may be my rule at all times.

TWENTY-SEVEN

How self-love is a great hindrance to the highest good

CHRIST: My child, you must give all for all and hold back nothing of yourself from Me. Understand that self-love does you more harm than anything else in the world. All things take your heart prisoner to a greater or lesser degree, in proportion to the love and regard you give to them.¹ If your love is pure, simple and controlled you will not be a slave of these things. Do not long after things which are not rightly yours, and possess nothing that hinders your spiritual progress or robs you of inner freedom. It is strange that you are not willing to trust yourself to Me with all your heart, together with everything that you may desire or enjoy.

Why wear yourself out with empty grief? Why impose needless anxieties on yourself? Trust in My kindness to you and you will experience no loss. If you want this or that thing, or to be here or there in order to suit your wishes or convenience, you will never be at rest or free from worry. There will always be something that does not please you, and everywhere you will find someone who opposes your wishes.

There is nothing to be gained by acquiring or increasing your possessions. Rather, it is better to be indifferent to such things, and wiping out the desire for them from your heart. These harmful desires consist not only in a love of wealth, but also in ambition for honours and empty praise. Remember that all these things fade away with the world. If we have no enthusiasm, it does not matter very much where we live and work, nor will we find lasting peace in outward affairs. Unless your life is built on firm foundations²and unless you stand firm in My strength, you will hardly be able to amend your life. So whenever it occurs, seize the opportunity for self-surrender. You will discover the secret in what you have so far tried to avoid; indeed, you will find even more.

A PRAYER FOR A PURE HEART AND HEAVENLY WISDOM

Strengthen me, O Lord God, with the grace of Your Holy Spirit.³ Give me inward strength and power⁴ and empty my heart of all profitless concern and anxiety.⁵ Let me never be drawn away from You through desire for anything else, whether noble or unworthy, but help me to realize that all things are transitory, including myself. Nothing in this world is lasting and everything in this life is futile and disturbing to the spirit.⁶ It is the wise who know these truths. O Lord, give me heavenly wisdom, so that above all else I may learn to search for and discover You; to know and love You; and to see all things as they really are and as You in Your wisdom have arranged them. May I wisely avoid those who flatter me, and deal gently with those who oppose me. Pure wisdom cannot be moved by every verbose argument⁷ and pays no regard to the cunning flatteries of evil people. Only so shall we move forward steadily on the road which we have begun to tread.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Against slanderous talk

CHRIST: My child, do not mind if others think ill or say unpleasant things about you. Think of yourself as much worse than they imagine, and regard no one as weaker than yourself. If your inner life is strong, you will not pay much attention to trivial words. When attacked by evil, the wise stay silent. They turn their hearts to Me and are untroubled by the judgements of others.

Do not let your peace depend on what other people say about you. Whether they speak well or ill of you makes no difference to what you really are. True peace and joy is to be found in Me alone. Those who are neither anxious to please, nor afraid to displease, enjoy real peace. All unrest of heart and distraction of mind comes from distracted feelings and groundless fears.

TWENTY-NINE

How we should call on God in all trouble

DISCIPLE: Praised be Your holy name for ever, O Lord.¹ I know that temptation and trouble come upon me by Your holy will. I cannot escape it, but have to come to You for help, so that all may be turned to good. Lord, I am tormented and uneasy in my mind and my present troubles weigh heavily upon me. Most loving Father, what can I say? I am in a tight corner. ‘Save me from this hour.’² Yet it is for Your glory that I have been brought to this moment and so that I can learn that only You can save me from the depths of my humiliation. O Lord, save me by Your goodness.³For what can I do, helpless as I am, and where can I go without Your help? Lord, grant me patience even in this trial. However hard pressed I may be, help me and I shall fear nothing.

In my trouble, my prayer now will be, ‘Your will be done.’⁴ I have totally deserved this trouble and must put up with it. Let me bear it with patience until the storm is past and better days return. I know that Your almighty hard can remove even this trial from me and weaken the violence, so that I am not totally crushed by it. My God and my Mercy, You have done this for me many times in the past. O Most High God, the harder it is for me, the easier it is for You to change my ways.⁵

THIRTY

On asking for God’s help and confidence in His saving grace

CHRIST: My child, I am the Lord who gives help in times of trouble.¹ Come to Me when the battle is hard for you.² The greatest obstacle you have to receiving My heavenly comfort is your reluctance to pray. For when you ought urgently to seek Me, you first turn to many other comforts, and hope to save yourself by worldly means. It is only when these things have failed that you remember that I am the Saviour of all who put their trust in Me.³ Apart from Me, there can be no help,⁴ no good advice and no lasting cure. But now, after the storm, with a renewed spirit, gather fresh strength and light through My mercies.⁵ For I am near at hand and will restore all things, not only completely, but generously overflowing with extra graces.

Is anything too hard for Me?⁶ Am I like someone who lets you down? Where is your faith? Stand firm and persevere. Be confident and courageous and help will arrive for you in due time. Wait patiently for Me and I will come and heal you Myself. Temptation is to test you – there is no reason for fear or anxiety. If you worry about the future, sorrow upon sorrow will be the result. Each day has troubles enough of its own.⁷ It is silly and useless to be either anxious or pleased about the future, for whatever you anticipate may never happen.

The human mind is prone to delusions, but it is a sign of spiritual weakness to be deceived by the propositions of the Devil. Satan does not care whether it is through truth or falsehood that he mocks and deceives you, or whether he obtains your downfall through the love of the present or fear of the future. So set your troubled heart at rest and banish your fears.⁸ Trust in Me and put your whole confidence in My mercy.⁹ It is when you think that I am far away from you that I am nearest to you. And when the battle looks to be lost, then the reward for all your work is often close at hand. When things turn out contrary to your plans that does not mean that all is lost. So do not allow your temporary feelings to obscure your judgement. Do not give in to depression, as if all hope of recovery were lost.

Do not imagine that you are totally forsaken if, for some time, I have allowed some trial to test you or withdrawn the consolation which you desire, for this is the way to the Kingdom of Heaven. Be assured that it is better for you and for all My servants to struggle against difficulties than to have everything that you want. I know your secret thoughts and it is necessary for your salvation that you should sometimes be deprived of spiritual joys, lest you become conceited in your smug state and complacently imagine that you are better than you are. What I have given, I can take away and give back when I choose.

When I grant great comfort, it is still Mine. When I take it away I am not taking anything that is yours, for every good gift and every perfect gift is Mine alone.¹⁰ If I send you trouble and affliction, do not be indignant or downhearted; for I can quickly help you and turn all your sorrow into joy.¹¹ Nevertheless, I keep My own counsel, and in all My dealings with you give Me due praise.

If you are wise and have right judgement, you will never despair or be discouraged. On the contrary, if I scourge you with trouble and do not spare you, be glad and grateful, and regard it as a cause for joy.¹² ‘As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you’,¹³were My words to My beloved disciples, whom I did not send out to enjoy the pleasures of the world, but to fight hard battles; not to win honours, but contempt; not to be idle, but to work hard; not to rest, but to bring forth much fruit with patience.¹⁴ My child, remember these words.

THIRTY-ONE

On neglecting all creatures to find the Creator

DISCIPLE: Lord, if I am to reach the state where no creature can impede my progress, I am in very great need of Your most abundant grace. For as long as anything restrains me, I cannot freely come to You. Someone who desired to fly to You freely said, ‘O that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.’¹ And who is more perfectly at rest than the person who is single-minded?² The most free person is one who desires nothing from the earth. Captivated by the spirit, we can rise above all created things and, leaving self behind, we can see clearly that nothing in creation compares to the Creator. But we cannot freely turn to the things of God unless we are freed from dependence on creatures. That is why there are so few contemplatives, for there are few who can release themselves totally from passing things.

A soul needs great grace to be lifted up and carried beyond itself. And unless a soul is raised up, set free from all attachment to earthly things and wholly united to God, neither knowledge nor possessions are of much value. As long as anything is esteemed as more precious than the one, infinite and eternal Good we remain mean, earthbound spirits. For whatever is not God is nothing, and is counted as nothing. There is a great difference between the wisdom of a devout person enlightened by God and the knowledge of a learned and studious scholar. The learning influenced by divine grace is far more noble than that painfully acquired by human endeavour.

Many people desire the grace of contemplation, but few take the trouble to practise what is essential to it. It is a great obstacle if we rely on external signs and the experience of the senses and pay little regard to the perfecting of self-discipline. I hardly know what it is, what spirit moves us, or what our purpose may be when we, who wish to be considered spiritual, take so much trouble and are so concerned with trivial daily affairs, and so seldom give our full and earnest attention to our interior life.

It is sad that, after a short meditation, we break off and take no strict examination of our lives. We do not reflect on where our affections really lie, nor are we grieved at the sinfulness of our whole life. Yet it was because of human wickedness that the Flood came upon the earth.³ When our interior desires are corrupted, the actions which spring from them are also defiled. And this is a sign of our lack of interior strength, for it is from a pure heart alone that the fruits of a holy life⁴ emerge.

A person’s achievements are often discussed, but rarely the principles on which such a life is based. We enquire whether someone is brave, handsome, rich, clever, a skilled writer, a fine singer or hard worker. But we seldom consider whether someone is humble-minded, patient and gentle, devout and spiritual. Nature looks at our outward characteristics. Grace considers our inner disposition. While Nature is often misled, Grace trusts in God and cannot be deceived.

THIRTY-TWO

On self-denial and giving up our own desires

CHRIST: My child, the only way to perfect liberty is total self-denial. Those who are obsessed by self-interest and self-love are slaves of their own desires.¹ They are greedy, inquisitive and discontented. They indulge themselves in pleasures, but never in the service of Jesus Christ. Their whole interest lies in passing affairs. But everything that is not of God will perish totally. Keep this simple advice for perfection: ‘Leave all and you shall find all.’ Renounce desire and you will find peace. Give this proper thought and, when you have to put it into practice, you will understand all things.

DISCIPLE: Lord, this is not the work of a single day, and no easy matter. These few words contain the whole path of spiritual perfection.

CHRIST: My child, do not be discouraged or diverted from your purpose of learning this way of perfection. Rather, let it spur you on to higher things and, at least, to set your heart on them. If only you would do this, and attain that state where you stop being a lover of self, and stand ready to do My will and his whom I have appointed as your father, you would greatly please Me.² Then your whole life would be filled with joy and peace. You still have many things to renounce, and unless you surrender them to Me without reserve, you cannot obtain what you ask of Me. I advise you to buy from Me gold, refined in the fire, so that you may be rich³ in that heavenly wisdom which rejects all worthless things. Despise the wisdom of the world, and every temptation to please yourself or others.

I have said, exchange what others consider desirable and honourable for that which they hold in low esteem. For true divine wisdom, having no exalted opinion of itself,⁴ seeks no recognition from the world. It is almost disregarded by others and seems to them to be useless and of no importance. Many pay lip service, but it does not affect any part of their lives. Yet this is the precious pearl that remains hidden from many.⁵

THIRTY-THREE

On a wayward heart and directing all we do to God

CHRIST: My child, do not trust your emotions, for they are changeable and wayward. In all your life you are subject to change, even against your own inclinations.¹ At one time you are cheerful, at another sad; now peaceful, now troubled; now full of devotion, now wholly lacking in it; now zealous, now lazy; now serious, now happy. But wise people who are well versed in spiritual matters stand above these changing emotions. They pay little attention to passing feelings and whims, but direct all intellectual powers towards a right and true end. So, having fixed their gaze and kept their intention constantly on Me, they can remain single-minded and unshaken in all situations.

The more single-minded a person is,² the more steadily they will pass through all the storms of life. But for many people this one purpose becomes obscured, for they easily pay attention to any pleasant thing which comes their way. It is very rare to find anyone who is totally free from the sin of self-interest. So the Jews once came out to Martha and Mary at Bethany, not only for Jesus’ sake but to see Lazarus.³ So make your intention pure, single and upright so that it may be directed to Me alone without any obstacles.

THIRTY-FOUR

God, above all things and in everything, is the delight of those who love Him

DISCIPLE: My God and my All!¹ What more can I possess?

What greater joy can I desire? Words of sweetness and joy to all who love the Word better than the world and its riches! My God and my All! To the wise these words will be sufficient. Those who love You will enjoy repeating them again and again.² When You are present, all is joy. When You are absent, all is gloom. You bring rest to the heart, true peace and true happiness. You lead us to think well of all and to praise You in all, for nothing can give us lasting joy without You, but if it is to be enjoyable and to our taste it must contain Your grace and be seasoned with Your wisdom.

Whoever knows Your joys will find joy in all things; but whoever knows nothing of Your joys will find no joy in anything. Those who are worldly wise and sensually minded lack Your wisdom, for a great deal of vanity lurks in the world, and death in the flesh.³The truly wise are those who follow You by despising worldly things and suppressing their bodily desires; they abandon illusion for truth, they forsake the flesh for the spirit. They rejoice in God alone, and whatever good they discover in creatures they ascribe wholly to the glory of their Maker. But what a great difference there is between the enjoyment of the Creator and the enjoyment of His creation; between eternal things and temporal things, between uncreated light and created light!

A PRAYER FOR LIGHT

O Light everlasting, surpassing all created light!⁴ Pour out from heaven the glorious rays of Your light; pierce the very depths of my heart! Purify, cheer, enlighten and enthuse the powers of my spirit, so that it may cling to You with unspeakable joy. Oh when will that blessed and longed-for time come? When will You fill me with Your presence and be All in All to me?⁵ I can know no fullness of joy until You grant me this. Alas, my lower nature is still strong within me; it is not yet crucified, nor totally dead.⁶ It still fights strongly against the spirit, stirs up conflicts inside me, and will not allow the kingdom of the soul to stay at peace. O Christ, ruler of the power of the sea and calmer of its raging waves,⁷ come near and help me. Disperse the nations who delight in war⁸ and overwhelm them through Your strength.⁹ Reveal Your mighty power, I pray. Show Yourself glorious in might. O Lord my God, my only hope and refuge¹⁰ lies in You.

THIRTY-FIVE

How there is no security from temptation in this life

CHRIST: My child, there is no security from temptation in this life and, as long as you live, you will need a spiritual armoury. Your road lies through enemies and you are liable to attack on every side. Unless you carry the shield of patience¹ you will not long remain without wounds. And unless you fix your heart on Me, with a firm resolve to suffer gladly for My sake, you will not endure the heat of battle, nor win the crown of the Saints. Tolerate everything bravely and strike boldly at your enemies, for the bread of heaven is the reward of the victor² and the lazy are left in unspeakable misery.

How will you gain eternal rest if you look for leisure in this life? Do not choose to have rest, but patient endurance. Do not seek true pleasure on earth but in heaven; not in people nor in any other creature but in God alone. Tolerate everything for the love of God – work, sorrow, temptation, provocation, anxiety, necessity, weakness, injury and insult; abuse, humiliation, disgrace, contradiction and contempt. All these things encourage your growth in virtue, for they test the untried servant of Christ and form the jewels of His heavenly crown. I will give an eternal reward for your brief toil and endless glory for your transitory trouble.

Do you think that you can always have spiritual benefits whenever you want? My Saints did not; they had many troubles, countless trials and great desolation of the soul. But they patiently endured all these things and trusted in God rather than themselves. They knew that ‘the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.’³ Do you want to enjoy now what many others have won only after much sorrow and struggle? Wait for the Lord; fight bravely and with great courage.⁴ Do not despair, do not desert your task, but steadfastly devote yourself, body and soul, to the glory of God. I will be with you in all your troubles⁵ and will give You a rich reward.⁶

THIRTY-SIX

Against vain human judgements

CHRIST: My child, trust in God with all your heart. If your conscience affirms your devotion and innocence, you need not fear people’s judgement. It is a good and holy thing to suffer in this way, and it will not be a burden to the humble heart that trusts in God rather than itself. Do not pay any attention to people who talk too much. Moreover, it is quite impossible to please everyone. Although St Paul tried to be pleasing to everyone in the Lord¹ and become all things to all people, he cared very little about what they thought of him.² He did whatever lay in his power to bring instruction and salvation to others, but even he could not escape being misjudged and despised by others. Accordingly he entrusted himself wholly to God, who knows all things, and he preferred the shield of patience and humility to the unjust accusations, empty lies and cheap boasts of his detractors. Nevertheless, he sometimes replied to them lest his silence should give offence to the weak.³

Why should you fear humans, who must die?⁴ They are here today and tomorrow gone for ever. If you fear God, you will never fear anyone else. What harm can come from the words and actions that people can do to you? They injure themselves rather than you, whoever they are; they never escape the judgement of God. Keep God always before you and do not engage in angry controversies. Even if you seem to suffer defeat and undeserved disgrace at present, do not complain or through impatience⁵ reduce your due reward. Instead, lift your eyes to Me in heaven. I have power to deliver you from all shame and wrong and reward everyone according to their merits.⁶

THIRTY-SEVEN

How total self-surrender brings us freedom of heart

CHRIST: My child, deny yourself and you will find Me.¹ Have no self-interest or choice of your own and you will always be the winner. As soon as you surrender yourself unconditionally into My hands, I will give you even richer graces.

DISCIPLE: Lord, how often shall I surrender myself and in what way reject myself?

CHRIST: Always and at all times, in little things as well as great ones. I make no exception, for I want to own you, totally divested of yourself. Otherwise, unless you are totally stripped of self-will, how can you be Mine and I belong to you? The sooner you do this, the better it will be with you. The more completely and sincerely you do it, the better you will please Me and the greater will be your gain.

Some surrender themselves, but with some reservations. They do not put their whole trust in God, and so are concerned to provide for themselves. Others offer everything at first, but later are overcome by temptation and return to their former state. These make little progress in virtue and they will never gain the true freedom of a pure heart, nor enjoy the favour of My friendship,² unless they make a complete surrender and a daily offering of themselves to Me. Without this no creative union with Me will exist or endure.

I have frequently said to you, and now I say it once more: renounce yourself, surrender yourself and you will enjoy great inner peace. Give all for all, look for nothing, ask for nothing in return; stay simply and trustingly in Me and you will possess Me. Then you will be free in heart, and no darkness will oppress your soul. Strive for this, pray for this, desire this one thing, so that you may be stripped clean of all selfishness and follow Jesus in total self-abandonment, dying to self, so that you may live in Me for ever. Then all vain fantasies will be put to flight, and all evil disorders and empty fears will vanish. Then all fear and dread will go away and all disturbed love will die in you.

THIRTY-EIGHT

On a good rule of life and turning to God in danger

CHRIST: My child, take great care in all you do, in every place and in public dealings, so that you stay inwardly free and your own ruler. Make sure that you control your circumstances; do not let them control you. Only in this way can you rule and control your actions, not be their slave or servant: a free person and a true Christian and sharing the fortune and liberty of God’s children.¹ They stand above temporal things, and look at the eternal, seeing both the earthly and heavenly in their true perspective. The things of this world do not control the children of God. On the contrary, they draw them into their service and they take these things to use in God’s service, and in the ways ordained by God, and designed by the heavenly Architect. He has left nothing in His creation without its proper place.

Stand firm at all times. Do not judge by outward appearances or reports as others do, but in each situation enter into the Tabernacle (as Moses did)² and ask the Lord’s guidance. Sometimes you will receive God’s answer and come back informed on many matters, both present and future. For Moses always went to the Tabernacle to gain an answer to his doubts and questions. He took refuge in prayer to support him among the world’s dangers and wickedness. So you must take refuge in the depths of your heart and pray ardently for God’s help. We read that Joshua and the children of Israel were deceived by the Gibeonites³ because they had not asked counsel of God first. So, in being ready to believe their statements, they were misled by false piety.

THIRTY-NINE

How we should not be over-anxious

CHRIST: My child, always commit your concerns to Me, and I will bring them to a fruitful end in due course. Wait until I order it, and you will find it to your advantage.

DISCIPLE: Lord, I willingly commit everything into Your hands, for my own judgement is of little value. I would like to be less concerned about the future, and more willing totally to submit myself to Your good pleasure.

CHRIST: My child, people often work endlessly to gain the things they desire but, when they gain them, they begin to change their minds. For their affections are not lasting but tend to move from one thing to another. Therefore it is no small thing if you can renounce self even in little things. True spiritual progress depends on self-denial, and those who renounce self are completely free and safe. But the Old Enemy,¹ the Adversary of everything good, never ceases to tempt. Night and day he lies in ambush, hoping to trap the unwary into the snares of his deceit. ‘Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial.’²

FORTY

How we have no personal goodness of which to boast

DISCIPLE: Lord, ‘what are human beings that You are mindful of them, mortals that You care for them?’¹ What have we done to deserve Your grace? Lord, I have no reason to complain if You abandon me; and if Your will is contrary to my desires, I have no right to appeal against it. But I might rightly think and say, ‘Lord, I am nothing and I can do nothing. I have no good in me, but am imperfect in every respect and am always prone to nothing. I become weak and utterly helpless unless You guide my soul and give me strength.’

O Lord, You remain always Yourself,² abiding in eternity, good, just and holy, ruling all things in goodness, justice, holiness and ordering them by wisdom. But I am always more ready to slip back, rather than go forward. I never remain the same, for seven times have passed over for me.³But when You deign to stretch out Your hand to help me, my state is soon changed for the better. For You alone, without human aid, can help and strengthen me, so that I may no longer be unreliable, but turn my heart to You alone, and be at peace. No human being can comfort me, and if only I could totally renounce all human support – whether to increase my devotion or because my desires compel me to seek You – then I could properly trust entirely to Your grace and rejoice in the gift of Your renewed consolation.

When things go well for me, I offer thanks to You, from whom everything proceeds. Before You I am empty nothingness, a weak and unstable person. I have nothing of which to boast, nothing which deserves any recognition. Can nothing boast of its nothingness? That would be the height of vanity. False conceit is like an evil disease, and the most monstrous of vanities, for it leads a person away from proper glory and robs them of divine grace. For as long as someone is filled with complacency, You are displeased. While there is a desire for popularity and praise, true virtue is removed. True glory and holy joy are to be found in giving glory, not to oneself but to You; rejoicing not in one’s own strength but in Your name; taking no pleasure in any created thing unless it be for Your sake, blessed be Your holy name, not mine.

I will praise Your name, but not my own; I will value Your actions, not my own; I will bless Your holy name; I have no desire for human praise. You alone are my glory. You alone are the joy of my heart. I will offer You praise and glory at every hour of the day; but as for me, I will glory in nothing, unless it is my own weakness.⁴ Let the Jews seek such glory as people give to each other.⁵ I will seek the glory that only God can give. For all human glory, all this world’s honours, all earthly titles, compared with Your eternal glory, are just futility and foolishness.

O blessed Trinity, my God, my Truth, my Mercy, to You alone let all things ascribe all praise, honour, power and glory throughout eternity.⁶

FORTY-ONE

On contempt for worldly honours

CHRIST: My child, if you see others given honours and promotion while you are overlooked and humiliated, do not be discouraged. Lift your heart to Me in heaven and human contempt will not trouble you.

DISCIPLE: Lord, we are blind and are easily deceived through self-esteem. If I carefully examine my life, I find that no creature has ever done me wrong, and I have no right to complain. But, because I have so often grievously sinned against You, it is right that everyone opposes me. I justly deserve shame and contempt; but to You, O Lord, be praise, honour and glory. Unless I am ready, willing and pleased to be despised and rejected by everyone and to be regarded as of no consequence, I cannot gain inward peace and stability, nor can I become spiritually enlightened and totally united to You.

FORTY-TWO

Peace of mind does not depend on people

CHRIST: My child, if your peace depends on someone because of your affection or friendship, you will always be unsettled and become unreliable. But, if you turn to the living and eternal truth, the departure or death of your friend will not distress you. Your love for a friend must rest in Me, and those who are dear to you in this life must be loved only for My sake. No good and lasting friendship can exist without Me, and unless I bless it and love it, it cannot be pure and true. You should be so mortified in your affection towards loved ones that, for your part, you would forego all human companionship. As people withdraw further from the consolations of this world, they draw nearer to God. The deeper they descend into themselves and the lower they regard themselves, the higher they ascend towards God.

Those who attribute any good to themselves obstruct the coming of God’s grace; for the grace of the Holy Spirit always seeks a humble heart. If you would perfectly overcome self and set yourself free from love of creatures, I would come to you with all My grace.¹ While your interest is in creatures the vision of the Creator is hidden from you. So, for the love of the Creator, learn to overcome self in everything and you will come to the knowledge of God. But as long as anything, however small, occupies too much of your love and attention, it injures the soul and holds you back from attaining the highest Good.

FORTY-THREE

Against useless and worldly learning

CHRIST: My child, do not allow fine phrases and subtle sayings to entrance you. ‘For the Kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power.’¹ Pay attention to My words, for they inspire the heart and enlighten the understanding, foster contrition and bring all comfort. Never study in order to appear wise and learned; rather, study to overcome your besetting sins, for this will profit you more than the grasp of complicated problems.

When you have read and mastered many subjects always return to this basic truth: that I am He who teaches all knowledge² and give to My children a better understanding than others can offer. Those whom I teach will quickly gain wisdom and move further in the life of the spirit. But those who ask others about many curiosities and care little for serving Me, will discover only sorrow. In due time Christ will come, the Teacher of teachers and Lord of Angels.³ He will hear the lessons of all. That is, He will examine everyone’s conscience. Then He will search Jerusalem with lamps; the hidden things of darkness will be brought to light⁴ and the language of argument will cease.

I am God, who enables the humble-minded to understand more of the ways of everlasting truth in a single moment than in ten years’ study at university. I teach in silence, without the uproar of controversy, without ambition for honours, without clash of opinions. I teach people to despise earthly things, to find this present life irksome, to seek eternal things, to resist honours, to endure injuries, to place all trust in Me, to desire nothing but Myself and fervently to love Me above all things.

There was once a man who loved Me very dearly, who learned many divine secrets and spoke eloquently of Me. He profited more by renouncing everything than by studying subtleties. For to some I speak on ordinary matters; to others on specific matters; to some I graciously reveal Myself in signs and symbols; while I reveal My mysteries to those who are enlightened.

A book is only a single voice but it is not equally valuable to all who read it. I alone am the Teacher of truth, the Searcher of the heart, the Discerner of behaviour, and I give to each person as I see fit.⁵

FORTY-FOUR

On avoiding distractions

CHRIST: My child, you are bound to be ignorant about many things, so consider yourself as dead and crucified to the whole world.¹ Moreover, you must turn a deaf ear to many things and reflect only on such things as bring peace. It is better to turn away from controversies and leave everyone with their own opinions than to bother them with confrontational arguments. As long as you remain in God’s grace and keep His will in your heart, you will more easily tolerate apparent discomfort.

DISCIPLE: Lord, what a state of things we have reached! We grieve over worldly loss. We work and struggle to gain some small profit, forgetting the danger to our souls and rarely considering it. We attend to matters of little or no value and neglect those of the greatest importance. For when we devote all our energies to material affairs, we quickly become immersed in them, unless we come to our senses.

FORTY-FIVE

How we should not believe all we hear and the danger of loose tongues

DISCIPLE: Lord, ‘help me in my trouble, for human help is worthless’.¹ How often have I found no loyalty where I expected to find it! And how often have I found it where I least expected it! It is useless to put our hope in people. Salvation is to be found in You alone, O God.² We bless You, O Lord God, in all that happens to us.

We are weak and unstable, changeable and easily deceived. None of us can defend ourselves so fully and completely that we are never deceived or in doubt. But whoever trusts in You, Lord, and seeks You with a pure heart³ does not easily fall. And if we come across any trouble, however great, You will quickly deliver or support us. For You never abandon those who trust in You to the end. It is very rare to find a faithful friend who stands by us in all trouble. And You, Lord, are the most faithful of all friends, and there is none like You.

How wise was that holy soul (St Agatha) who said, ‘My mind is firmly established and grounded in Christ.’⁴ If this were true of me I would never fear anyone and no bitter words would disturb me. We cannot foresee the future or prepare for future evils; and if things that we expect often harm us, how can an unexpected event do anything but seriously affect us? Why have I not made better provision for my miserable person, and why have I trusted in others so easily? For we are but mortal and merely weak, even if people can imagine and say that we are Angels. There is no one in whom I can trust, Lord, except You who are the Truth, and who neither deceives nor can be deceived. But everyone is deceitful,⁵ weak, unstable and fallible, especially in what we say, so that we should not easily believe even what at first appears to be true.

Your wisdom warns us to beware of others,⁶ since our enemies are those of our own household.⁷ So we should not believe those who say ‘He is here’ or ‘He is there’.⁸ I have learned this to my own cost and I only hope that it may make me more cautious and correct my foolishness. ‘Be discreet,’ says a neighbour, ‘and keep what I tell you to yourself.’ And while I remain silent about it, imagining it to be a secret, the other person will not keep the silence imposed on me, but immediately we are both betrayed and the neighbour moves on. Protect me, O Lord, from such tales and from such indiscreet folk. Do not allow me to fall under their power, nor copy their behaviour. Make my conversation truthful and trustworthy, far removed from such deviousness. For at all costs I must avoid what I do not tolerate in others.

Being silent about others makes for peace and goodwill, not believing all that is said nor repeating what we have heard. There are very few people to whom we should open our hearts. Rather, we should always seek You, who can see into every heart. We should not allow ourselves to be carried to and fro by the windy blasts of words,⁹ but rather pray that our whole life, both private and public, may be ordered in conformity to Your will.

A sure way of retaining the grace of heaven is to ignore outward appearances, and carefully to cultivate such things that encourage amendment of life and fervour of soul, rather than cultivate those qualities which seem to be popular.

Very many people have been harmed by publicity and by the superficial praise of their virtues. But grace is most powerful when preserved in silence in this transitory life, which only consists of battle and temptations.

FORTY-SIX

On having confidence in God while words are flying about

CHRIST: My child, stand firm and trust in Me. What are words? Just words. They fly to and fro, but do not even hurt a stone. If you are guilty, think how you can make amends. If there is nothing on your conscience, resolve to accept things willingly for God’s sake. If you are not ready to bear hard blows, it is a little thing to tolerate hard words from time to time. You take such trifles to heart because you are still worldly, and pay too much attention to the opinions of others. You do not like to be corrected for your faults, because you fear their contempt and take refuge in excuses.

If you examine yourself very carefully, you will find that your heart is still full of worldly desires and silly anxieties to please people. For when you shrink from the humiliation and reproof which your faults deserve, it is clear that you are not truly humble; neither are you dead to the world, nor is the world crucified to you.¹ Listen only to My words and you will care nothing for ten thousand words from others. Even if you were charged with every crime that could be maliciously invented, how could it harm you if you let it pass and paid absolutely no attention to it? Could such a flood of words harm a single hair of your head?²

But those who keep no guard over their hearts and do not regard God are easily unsettled by a word of reproof. Those who trust in Me and do not cling to their own judgement will fear no one. For I am the judge and the discerner of secrets. I understand the motives for every action. I know both those who inflict wrong and those who suffer it. It is by My will and permission that events happen, so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.³ I will judge both the guilty and the innocent, but first I wish to try them in My secret court.

What people say in evidence is often false, but My judgement is true; it will stand and will not be set aside. It is hidden from many and only revealed in its fullness to very few. But even if it may appear unjust to the foolish it is not and cannot be in error. So always come to Me for justice and put no trust in personal opinions.

A just person will not be anxious whatever God allows to happen.⁴ Even if groundless accusations are brought, there is no need to worry. Nor should we be elated unduly if we are fairly acquitted by others, for everyone knows that it is I who examine both the heart and the senses and do not judge by outward appearances.⁵ For what some see as commendable is often blameworthy in My sight.

DISCIPLE: O Lord God, most just Judge, strong and patient, who knows all our weakness and wickedness, be my strength and all my trust, for my conscience alone is not sufficient. You know what is unknown to me, and so, when blamed, I should have humbled myself and taken it meekly. Be gracious and pardon the occasions when I have not done this, and once again give me grace to endure more patiently. Your overflowing mercy will help me much more in obtaining pardon than my supposed innocence can satisfy my inmost conscience. For, although I may not be aware of any fault, yet this does not absolve me.⁶ If You withhold Your mercy, no one living can be absolved in Your sight.⁷

FORTY-SEVEN

How all troubles must be borne for the sake of eternal life

CHRIST: My child, do not allow the work that you have undertaken for My sake to crush your spirit, nor let any hardships discourage you. Let My promise always be your strength and comfort. I can give you limitless reward. You will not work here for long, nor will you always experience sorrow. Wait for a little while, and you will see a speedy end to your troubles. The time will come when all work and trouble will cease. Everything temporal is bound to be short-lived and of little consequence.

Continue what you are doing with all your might; work faithfully in My vineyard.¹ I will be your reward.² Write, study, worship, be penitent, keep silence and pray. Boldly face all your troubles. Eternal life is worth all of this and greater struggles. Only the Lord knows the time when peace will come. It will not be day or night as we understand it,³ but it will be everlasting light, endless glory, abiding peace and sure rest. Then you will not say, ‘Who will rescue me from this body of death?’⁴ or cry out, ‘Woe is me, that I am an alien in Meshech’,⁵ for the power of death will be totally broken⁶ and full salvation assured. No anxiety will remain but only the blessed joy in the pleasant and lovely fellowship of the Saints.

If only you could see the Saints crowned in eternal glory,⁷ you would at once humble yourself in the dust and prefer to be the servant of all rather than dominate a single person. The Saints are now exalted as high as they were formerly seen as low by this world, despicable and unfit to live. You would not yearn after a pleasant time in this life, but prefer to suffer happily for God’s sake and regard it as the greatest gain to be considered of no importance by others.⁸ If the things of God were your true delight and penetrated your innermost being, you would never complain. Should not all labour be endured for the sake of eternal life? It is no small matter to win or lose the Kingdom of God. Lift your eyes to heaven. See, here I am, and with Me are all My Saints, who in this world fought a great fight.⁹ They are now filled with joy and consolation; they are now safe and at rest,¹⁰ and they shall remain with Me for ever in the Kingdom of My Father.¹¹

FORTY-EIGHT

On eternity and the troubles of this life

DISCIPLE: O ever-blessed palaces of the heavenly city!¹ O glorious day of eternity, on which night never casts its shadows and whose perpetual light is total truth! O day of unending gladness and of everlasting and unchanging protection! How greatly I long for the dawning of that day and the end of all temporal things. This day already shines on the Saints, resplendent in eternal glory; but to us who are pilgrims on earth² it seems dim and distant.³ The citizens of heaven now taste the joys of this day; but we, exiled children of Eve,⁴ mourn our bitterness and tiredness. The days of this life are short and evil⁵ and full of grief and pain.⁶ Here we are defiled by many sins, trapped by many passions and prey to countless fears. Afflicted by many cares and distracted by many bizarre things, we are entangled in many follies. We are hedged about by many errors, worn out by many labours, weighed down by temptations, weakened by pleasures, tormented by need.

Oh, when will all these evils come to an end? When will I be set free from the unhappy slavery of sin?⁷ O Lord, when will my mind be fixed on You alone?⁸ When shall the fullness of Your joys be mine? When shall I enjoy true freedom, unchecked and untroubled in mind or body? When shall true peace be established? Peace which is undisturbed and secure, outward and inward peace, guaranteed in every way? Good Jesus, when shall I stand in Your presence?⁹ When shall I see the glory of Your Kingdom? When will You be All in All to me?¹⁰ When shall I dwell with You in Your Kingdom, which You have prepared from eternity for those whom You love?¹¹

I am left exiled and destitute in an alien land, where there are daily wars and dreadful disasters. Give me comfort in my exile and calm my grief, for my total desire and longing is for You alone. Everything in this world that offers me comfort is very distasteful: I long for deep communion with You, but I cannot achieve it. I wish to cling to heavenly things, but worldly affairs and desires, which I cannot control, hold me down. I want my mind to rise freely above these things, but my body holds me as an unwilling captive. So I struggle unhappily with myself. I am a burden to myself, for while my spirit longs to rise to heaven, my body wants to stay below.

Oh how deep is my pain! For whenever I pray and try to contemplate heavenly things, a flood of worldly thoughts pours in upon me at once. My God, do not desert me! Do not abandon Your servant in Your anger.¹² Strike with Your lightning and scatter them; release Your arrows¹³ at the Enemy, and utterly defeat all his wiles. Call back all my senses to Yourself, and help me to forget all worldly things. Help me to reject with scorn all the promptings of vice.

O everlasting Truth, come to my aid and do not allow vanity to move me. Come, O joy of heaven, and put to flight everything impure. Grant me forgiveness and in Your mercy deal with me kindly when, while praying, I think of anything but You. For I freely confess that I am usually oppressed by many distractions. Often, indeed, I do not really stay in my body but am carried off by my thoughts. Where my thoughts settle, there I am, and my thoughts are most frequently with the things I love. For whatever is either naturally pleasant or agreeable comes easily to mind.

It is for this reason that You, who are the Truth, have clearly said: ‘For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.’¹⁴ If I love heaven, I think easily of heavenly things. If I love the world, I take pleasure in the delights of the world, and grieve in its troubles. If I love my body, my imagination concentrates often on the things of the body. If I love the spirit, I love to reflect on the things of the spirit. For whatever things I love, it is of these that I am keen to speak and listen, and I have these interests always at heart.

Lord, blessed are those who for Your sake say goodbye to every creature and forcibly overcome natural inclinations, who have crucified the wishes of the flesh through the fervour of the spirit¹⁵ so that they may offer single-minded prayer with a quiet conscience. Having removed all worldly things from our hearts and lives, we will be worthy to take our place among the Angelic choir.

FORTY-NINE

On the desire for eternal life and fighting for God’s promises

CHRIST: My child, when you understand the heavenly origin of your desire for everlasting joy, and long to escape from the prison of the body in order to be free to contemplate My unchanging glory,¹ then open your heart with enthusiasm and receive this holy inspiration. Offer heartfelt thanks for My divine generosity, which treats you so kindly, visits you with mercy, kindles you to ardour and powerfully supports you, so that your own nature does not lead you to relapse into worldliness. You do not receive this gift through any determination or effort of your own, but solely by the favour and grace of heaven and God’s kindness. It is given so that you may grow in virtue and deeper humility to prepare you for further conflicts, striving with complete devotion to hold tight to Me and serve Me with sincere goodwill.

My child, there are many fires and the ascending flames are always accompanied by smoke. Some people’s desires are aflame for heavenly things, while they themselves are not free from the lust of the flesh. So when they make very earnest requests to God, they do not act simply for His glory. Your own desires, which you think are so urgent and serious, are often like this. For that which is tainted by self-interest is not pure or perfect.

Do not ask for what is pleasant and convenient for yourself, but what is acceptable to Me and promotes My glory. If you look at things in their proper light, you will prefer and follow My guidance rather than your own desires, whatever they are. I know your wishes and have often heard your cries. You long for the glorious liberty of the children of God,² already rejoicing in your eternal home and the joys of the heavenly country. But the time for this has not yet come. There is still warfare, work and testing. You long to be filled with the supreme Good, but you cannot attain this blessing now. ‘I am that Good, wait for Me until the coming of the Kingdom of God,’ says the Lord.

You must still be tested in this life, and many trials await you. Consolation will sometimes be granted to you, but not in its totality. Be very strong and courageous,³ both in your actions and in tolerating what is contrary to nature. It is essential for you to become God’s new creation⁴ and be changed into another person.⁵ It is often your duty to act contrary to your own inclinations and to put aside your own wishes. Other people’s interests may flourish, while your own wishes are frustrated. The words of others will be listened to, while yours will be disregarded. Others will ask and receive their requests, while you ask and receive nothing. Others will be highly commended, while you are ignored. Others will be entrusted with this or that appointment, while you are not considered fit for anything. Your nature will protest at this treatment, but it will be a great achievement if you remain silent, for in these and in similar ways the faithful servant of our Lord is tested in how far you can reject and subdue everything in yourself. There is almost nothing in which we have such a need to die to self than in seeing and suffering things that go against our wishes, especially when we are instructed to do what seems inconvenient and useless. And because, being under authority, you do not presume to resist the higher power, it seems a hardship to bow to the will of another and surrender your own opinion.

My child, consider the results of your work, its coming end and its boundless reward. It will not make you miserable but will powerfully strengthen your determination. In exchange for the surrender of your own will, you will always have your will in heaven. It is there that you will find all that you want, all that you can desire. There you will enjoy all good things without fear of loss. There your own will shall always be in accord with Mine and you will desire no selfish good but only Me. No one will oppose you there, no one will complain about you, obstruct or frustrate you. Everything you desire will be at hand and stimulate your love and fill it to overflowing. There you will receive glory in return for the insults you have suffered here: a garment of splendour⁶ instead of grief, and in return for your humble place on earth a throne in My heavenly Kingdom. Then the fruit of your obedience will appear, your acts of penance will be turned into joy and your previous humble subjection crowned with glory.

So, for the time being, acquit yourself in humility before everyone and do not mind who it is who speaks or commands. Take care that, whether it be your superiors, your inferiors or your equals who make any request or suggestion, you take it all in good part and sincerely try to fulfil their wishes. Let others seek many different things, one enjoying this, another that, and being highly commended for it. For your part, take pleasure in none of these things, but think little of yourself and only of My good pleasure and honour. Let this be your constant desire – that whether in life or in death, God may at all times be glorified in you.⁷

FIFTY

How, at times of desolation, we should put ourselves into God’s hands

DISCIPLE: O Lord God, our heavenly Father, be You now and for ever blessed. As You wish, so it is done; as You do, so it is well done. May all my joy depend on You, not on myself or on any other thing, for I am Your servant, Lord. You alone are my true joy: my hope, my crown, my happiness and my honour. I, who am Your servant, possess nothing that is not Your gift and I have no merit of my own.¹ All things are Yours, both what You have given and what You have created. From my youth up I have been poor and in misery,² and my soul is often distressed to the point of tears. Sometimes, too, it is oppressed by the sufferings that come upon me. I long for the joys of Your peace and I pray earnestly for the peace of Your children, who are revived in the light of Your comfort. Grant me this peace, and fill my heart with holy joy. Then the soul of Your servant will be full of song and totally devoted to Your service. But when You withdraw Yourself, as You often do, I cannot follow the way of Your commandments.³ Instead I fall on my knees and beat my breast, because things are not what they used to be when Your lamp shone on my head⁴ and I was protected under the shadow of Your wings⁵ from the temptations that attack me. Most just Father, ever to be praised, this is the hour of Your servant’s trial. Father, worthy of all love, it is right that now I should suffer something for Your sake. O Father, ever to be glorified, the hour has come⁶ which has been destined by You from all eternity, when for a time Your servant will seem totally defeated, yet You allow me to feel Your presence inwardly. I will be maligned and humiliated, a failure in the eyes of the world, broken by suffering and sickness, so that I may rise again with You in the light of a new dawn and come to glory in heaven. This, most holy Father, is by Your appointment and all is done as You have ordained.

You grant this favour to Your friends,⁷ so that for love of You they may endure every trouble which You allow to come upon them. For nothing can happen in this world without Your foreknowledge and consent. Lord, it is good for me that You have humbled me, so that I may learn Your just decrees⁸ and remove all conceit and presumption from my heart. It is good for me that I have to suffer humiliation⁹ so that I may seek consolation in You rather than in anyone else. So I have learned to stand in awe of Your unsearchable judgements, which correct both the just and the unjust with equity and justice.

I thank You that You have not spared my wickedness, but have punished me with bitter pain, afflicted me with sorrow and sent me troubles of every kind. Nothing under heaven can comfort me, only You alone, O Lord my God. For You are the heavenly physician of souls. You both wound and heal, You cast down and raise up again.¹⁰ Your discipline corrects me, and Your very scourge will heal me.¹¹

Most loving Father, I place myself entirely in Your hands. I submit to Your correction, strike me until my wayward stubbornness surrenders to Your will.¹² Make me Your true and humble disciple, as You desire, so that I may serve Your good pleasure in all things. Lord, I deliver myself and all that I am into Your correction. For it is better to be punished in this life than in the next. All things are within Your knowledge and nothing in our consciences is hidden from Your eyes. You know all things before they happen and no one needs to inform You of all the events on this earth. You know what is needful for my progress and how much trouble helps to scour away the rust of my wickedness. Do to me whatever You wish, and do not reject my sinful life, which is known to no one as fully and clearly as it is to You.

Grant me, Lord, to know all that I should know, to love what I should love, to value whatever most pleases You and to reject all that is evil in Your sight. Let me not judge superficially by what I see, nor be influenced by what I hear from ignorant people but, with clear judgement, discern between the spiritual and the material, and seek Your will and good pleasure at all times and above everything else. People’s minds are often deceived in their judgements and the worldly are deceived in their concern only for material things. Is anyone made better by being highly regarded by their contemporaries? Someone flatters another, and then one deceives another. The futile deceive the futile; the blind deceive the blind; the weak deceive the weak; and the greater the flattery the deeper the shame it brings with it. For the humble St Francis says, ‘What every man is in Your sight, O Lord, that is what he is, and nothing more.’¹³

FIFTY-ONE

When we fail to reach higher ends, we should take on humble tasks

CHRIST: My child, you cannot always burn with zeal for virtue, nor constantly remain in deep contemplation. The weakness of sinful human nature will sometimes compel you to descend to lower things and carry the burdens of this present life with sorrow. As long as you are in your mortal body, you will be subject to weariness and sadness of heart. In this life, you will often lament the burdens of your body, which prevent you surrendering yourself totally to the life of the spirit and to divine contemplation.

When this happens, you will be wise to resort to humble external tasks, and to restore yourself by good works. Wait for My coming with unshakeable trust and accept your exile and desolation of spirit with patience until I come again and set you free from all anxiety. Then you will forget all your previous toil and will enjoy inward peace. I will open before you the fine landscape of the Scriptures so that you may begin to advance in the way of My commandments with a free heart.¹ Then you will say, ‘I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.’²

FIFTY-TWO

How we deserve punishment and are not worthy of God’s consolation

DISCIPLE: Lord, I am not worthy of Your consolation, nor of any spiritual experience. You deal justly with me when You leave me poor and desolate. If I wept a whole sea of tears, I would still not deserve Your comfort. I am worthy of nothing but scourging and punishment, for I have frequently and deeply offended You and have failed greatly in many ways. So, bearing all this in mind, I do not deserve the smallest consolation. Yet, most gracious and merciful God, You do not want any of Your creatures to perish. Desiring to show Your generosity and goodness to those who are the objects of Your mercy,¹ You reach down to console Your servant more than I deserve and in ways beyond our knowledge; for Your consolation is not like people’s empty words.

What have I done, that You should grant me any heavenly consolation? I cannot remember any good that I have done, but have been always prone to sin and slow to make amends. This is the undeniable truth. If I pleaded in any other way, You would challenge me and no one could defend me. All I have deserved for my sins is hell and everlasting fire.² I confess sincerely that I am only fit to be scorned and despised. I am not fit to be counted among Your faithful servants.

Although I am pained to repeat it, for the sake of the truth I will accuse myself, so that I may better deserve Your mercy. Guilty and confused, what shall I say? I can only say, ‘I have sinned, O Lord,³ I have sinned; be merciful and forgive. Allow me time to show my sorrow before I go, never to return, to the land of gloom and deep darkness.’⁴ Why do You insist that guilty and wretched sinners repent and humble themselves for their offences? It is because true penitence and humbleness of heart emerge from the hope of pardon; the troubled conscience is reconciled; the lost grace is restored and humanity is spared the anger of God.⁵ Thus God and the humble penitent greet each other in a holy embrace.⁶ Deep sorrow for sin is an acceptable sacrifice to You, Lord, and is more fragrant in Your sight than clouds of incense. This is the precious ointment which You once allowed to be poured on Your sacred feet.⁷ For You have never despised a contrite and humble heart.⁸ Here, at Your feet, is the place of refuge from the hatred of the Enemy; here is the place of amendment and cleansing from every stain of sin.

FIFTY-THREE

God’s grace and worldly wisdom do not mix

CHRIST: My child, My grace is precious and cannot be mixed with worldly concerns and pleasures. So if you wish to receive it, you must remove every obstacle to grace. Find a secret place¹ and love the solitary life. Do not engage in conversation with others, but instead pour out devout prayer to God, so that you may preserve a humble mind and a clear conscience. Count the whole world as nothing, and put waiting on God before all outward things. For you cannot pay attention to Me and, at the same time, enjoy worldly things. Stay detached from friends and neighbours and apart from the world’s comforts. It is for this reason that the blessed Apostle Peter asks all the faithful in Christ to be as aliens in a foreign land.²

Those who are not attached to worldly things will face death with confidence. But a weak soul cannot bear to be so detached from all things, nor can a worldly wise person understand the freedom of a spiritual one.³ So when someone sincerely wishes to be spiritual, there must be a renunciation of everything, friends as well as strangers, and they must be cautious of no one more than themselves. If you can gain complete mastery of self, you will easily master everything else. Triumphing over the self is the perfect victory. For those who are able to control their passions by their reason, and whose reason is subject to Me, are masters both of themselves and of the world.

If you wish to reach the height of perfection,⁴ you must make a bold start. Lay the axe to the roots,⁵ cut out and destroy all excessive and secret love of self and of any personal and material advantage. From this inordinate self-love emerge all those other faults that have to be completely overcome. But as soon as this evil is mastered and subdued, great peace and lasting tranquillity will follow. However, few people endeavour completely to die to self and to rise wholly above it. Consequently they remain absorbed in themselves, and quite unable to rise above the self in spirit. Those who desire to walk with Me in true freedom must mortify all irregular and undisciplined desires and have no selfish longing after any creature.

FIFTY-FOUR

On the opposite working of Nature and Grace

CHRIST: My child, study carefully the impulses of Nature and Grace, for they are opposed to one another. They work in such a subtle manner that even spiritual, holy and enlightened people can hardly distinguish between them. In fact, all people desire what is good and, in words and deeds, pretend to some sort of goodness, so that many are deceived by their appearance of virtue.

Nature is crafty and seduces many, snaring and deceiving them, and always works for her own ends. But Grace moves in simplicity, avoiding every appearance of evil. She makes no attempt to deceive, and does all things purely for love of God, in whom she rests as her final goal.

Nature is unwilling to be mortified, checked or overcome, obedient or willingly subject. Grace mortifies herself, resists sensuality, submits to control and seeks to be overcome. She does not aim at enjoying her own liberty, but loves to be under discipline and does not wish to dominate anyone. Rather she desires to live, abide and exist always under God’s rule and for His sake she is willing to submit humbly to all people.¹

Nature works for her own interests, and calculates what profit she may gain from others. Grace does not consider what may be useful or helpful to her but only what may be for the good of many.² Nature is eager to receive promotion and reward. Grace faithfully ascribes all honour and glory to God.³ Nature fears shame and contempt. Grace is glad to suffer reproach for the name of Jesus.⁴ Nature loves luxury and leisure for the body. Grace cannot be idle, but cheerfully welcomes work.

Nature loves to enjoy rare and beautiful things and hates the cheap and ugly. Grace takes pleasure in simple and humble things, neither despising the rough nor refusing to wear old and tattered clothes. Nature pays attention to worldly matters, enjoys this world’s wealth, grieves at any loss and is angered by any defamatory remark. Grace pays attention to eternal things, and is not attached to the temporal. The loss of possessions fails to move her, or hard words to anger her, for she stores up her treasures and joy in heaven, where none of it can be lost.⁵

Nature is greedy and grasps more readily than she gives, loving to keep things for her personal use. Grace is kind and generous, shuns private interests, is contented with little and considers that ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’⁶ Nature inclines towards creatures – to the body, which is her own, to vanities, to restlessness. Grace draws towards God and virtue. Renouncing creatures, she flees the world, loathes the lusts of the flesh, limits her travels and shuns public appearances. Nature is keen to enjoy any outward satisfaction that will gratify the senses. Grace seeks comfort only in God and seeks pleasure in the supreme Good above all visible things.

Nature does everything for her own gain and interest. She does nothing without a fee, hoping either to gain some equal or greater return for her services, or else praise and favour. Grace seeks no worldly return and asks for no reward,⁷ except God alone. She desires no more of life’s necessities than will help to obtain the things of eternity.

Nature takes pleasure in lots of friends and relations; she boasts of aristocracy and high birth. She makes herself agreeable to the powerful, flatters the rich, and praises those who are like her. Grace even loves her enemies,⁸ takes no pride in the number of her friends, and thinks little of high birth, unless it is combined with greater virtue. She favours the poor rather than the rich, and has more in common with the honourable than with the powerful. She takes pleasure in those who are honest, not in deceivers; she constantly encourages the good to work earnestly for the greater gifts⁹ and, by means of these virtues, to become like the Son of God.

Nature is quick to complain of need and hardship. Grace bears poverty with courage. Nature, struggling and striving on her own behalf, turns everything to her own interest. Grace refers all things to God, from whom they come. She attributes no good to herself. She is not arrogant and presumptuous. She does not argue and exalt her own opinions before others, but submits all her powers of mind and perception to the eternal wisdom and judgement of God.

Nature is curious to know secrets and to hear news. She loves to be seen in public, and to enjoy experiences. She desires recognition, and to do such things to win praise and admiration. Grace does not care for news or novelties, because all these things spring from ancient human corruption,¹⁰ for there is nothing new or lasting in this world.

Grace therefore teaches us how the senses are to be disciplined and proud complacency avoided; how anything prone to excite praise and admiration should be humbly concealed; and how in all things and in all knowledge some useful fruit should be sought, together with the praise and honour of God. She wants no praise for herself or her actions, but desires that God may be blessed in His gifts, who out of pure love bestows all things.

Grace is a supernatural light and the special gift of God,¹¹ the token of His chosen and the pledge of salvation.¹² It lifts humanity from earthly things to love the heavenly, and from the temporal to the spiritual. So the more nature is controlled and overcome, the richer is the grace given while people are daily, by new visitations, being inwardly renewed according to the image of the Creator.¹³

FIFTY-FIVE

On the corruption of Nature and the power of Grace

DISCIPLE: O Lord my God, You have created me in Your own image and likeness.¹ Grant me this great grace, so essential to my salvation, that I may conquer the lower elements of my nature² which pull me down into sin and hell. I can feel inside my own being the power of sin battling against the rule of my mind, leading me to being an obedient slave to all kinds of sensuality. I cannot resist these onslaughts unless Your most holy grace is poured brightly into my heart to help me.

I need Your grace in the fullest measure to suppress that nature which has always inclined to evil from my youth upwards.³ For it fell through Adam, the first human being, and was tainted by sin, with the penalty of that fault descending upon all humanity. So the nature which You created good and upright has now become the total expression of corruption and weakness; for when it is left to itself it turns always towards evil and low things. The little strength that remains is only like a small spark, buried beneath ashes. This same natural reason, though hidden in deep darkness, still retains the power to know good and evil, and to discern truth and falsehood. But it is powerless to do what it knows to be good; neither does it enjoy the full light of truth, nor its former healthy attachments.

So, O Lord my God, it happens that while I inwardly delight in Your law⁴ and know that Your commandments are good, just and holy,⁵ both for the condemnation of all evil and the avoidance of sin, yet in my body I serve the law of sin⁶ and obey my sensual desires rather than my reason. Hence, while I indeed do possess the will to do what is good, I find myself powerless to follow it.⁷ In this way I make many good resolutions, but, through a lack of grace to help my weakness, any small obstacle leads to discouragement and failure. Also I know the way to perfection and see clearly what I ought to do; but I am weighed down by the burden of my own corruption, and progress no nearer to perfection.

Lord, how desperately I need Your grace if I am to undertake, carry out and complete any good work! Without it I can achieve nothing. In You and through the power of Your grace all things are possible.⁸ O true and heavenly grace, without which our own merits are nothing, and our natural gifts of no value! Neither arts nor riches, beauty nor strength, genius nor eloquence have any value in Your eyes, Lord, unless joined to grace. For the gifts of nature are common to all people, good and bad alike, but grace or love are Your special gift to those whom You choose; those who are sealed with this grace are counted worthy of eternal life. So excellent is this grace that neither the gift of prophecy, nor the working of miracles, nor any speculations, however sublime, are of any value without it.⁹ Indeed, not even faith or hope or any other virtue is acceptable to You without love and grace.

O most blessed Grace, who makes the poor in spirit rich in virtues and the richly blessed humble in heart, come down on me! Fill me with Your comfort,¹⁰ unless my soul faints from weariness and dryness of mind. Lord, I pray that I may find favour in Your sight, for Your grace is sufficient for me¹¹ even if I receive none of the things which Nature desires. However often I am tempted I will fear no evil,¹² as long as Your grace remains with me.

Your grace is my strength, my advice and my help. It is more powerful than all my enemies and wiser than all the philosophers. It is the teacher of the truth, the instructor of doctrine, the light of the heart, the consoler of all afflictions. It casts out sorrow, drives away fear, encourages devotion and leads to penitence. Without grace I am nothing but a fruitless tree or a withered branch¹³ fit only for destruction. So, Lord, may Your grace always lead and follow me¹⁴ and keep me ever concentrating on good works, through Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

FIFTY-SIX

How we must deny ourselves and follow Christ to the Cross

CHRIST: My child, you will be able to enter into My life in so far as you are willing to forsake yourself. And as the absence of craving for material things leads to inner peace, so does the forsaking of self unite your heart to God. I want you to learn total self-surrender, and to accept My will without any argument or complaint. Follow me,¹ for I am the Way, and the Truth and the Life.² Without the Way, there is no progress; without the Truth, there is no knowledge; without the Life, there is no living. I am the Way you must follow; the Truth you must believe; the Life for which you must hope. I am the indestructible Way, the impeccable Truth, the immortal Life. I am the most noble Way, the ultimate Truth, the true Life, blessed and uncreated. If you stay in My Way, you shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free³ and you shall lay hold on eternal Life.⁴

If you wish to enter into Life, keep My commandments.⁵ If you wish to know the Truth, believe Me. If you wish to be perfect, sell everything.⁶ If you wish to be My disciple, deny yourself.⁷ If you wish to possess the blessed Life, despise this present life. If you wish to be exalted in heaven, be humble in this world. If you wish to reign with Me, carry the Cross with Me; for none except the servants of the Cross discover the Way to blessedness and true light.

DISCIPLE: Lord Jesus, just as Your short life was despised by the world, grant that I may follow You in accepting the world’s contempt. For the servant is not greater than his master, nor is the pupil superior to his teacher.⁸ Let Your servant be instructed in Your life, for it is the source of salvation and true holiness. Whatever I study or hear as well as this offers me neither new strength nor greater joy.

CHRIST: My child, since you know and have studied these things, blessed are you if you do them.⁹ Whoever truly loves Me, knows and obeys My commands.¹⁰ I will love him and will reveal Myself to him,¹¹ and he will reign with Me in the Kingdom of My Father.¹²

DISCIPLE: Lord Jesus, let it be as You have said; and may I deserve the fulfilment of Your promise. I have accepted the Cross from Your own hands; since You have laid it upon me, I have accepted it and will carry it unto death. The life of a good Religious is in fact a Cross, but it is also our guide to heaven. We have started out; we may not turn back, nor can we abandon it. So come on, my companions! Let us go forward together! Jesus will be with us. For Jesus’ sake we have taken up the Cross; for Jesus’ sake let us persevere. He will be our helper, who is also our leader; He has gone before us.¹³ Look, our King advances in the front line, and will fight for us! Let us follow with courage; no terrors will frighten us. We must be ready to die bravely in battle¹⁴ and never blemish our glory¹⁵ by deserting the Cross.

FIFTY-SEVEN

How we should not despair if we fall into occasional faults

CHRIST: My child, it is more pleasing to Me if you have patience and humility in adversity, rather than great devotion and comfort at easier moments. Why are you so distressed when you are criticized in some small matter? Even if it had been a much more serious matter, that is no reason for you to be disturbed. Let it pass. It is not your first mistake, or anything new; nor, if you live long, will it be your last. You are brave enough when you encounter no opposition. You can give good advice and encouragement to others, but when trouble knocks unexpectedly on your own door, your strength and judgement fail you. Remember the great weakness which you often experience in little troubles; yet these things happen for your own good.

Banish discouragement from your heart as best as you can, and if trouble comes, never let it depress or hinder you for long. At the least, if you cannot bear it cheerfully, tolerate it bravely. Even if you are reluctant to bear it and feel angry, control yourself and do not allow rash words to emerge from you; you may harm Christ’s little ones. The violence of your feelings will soon subside and grace will return to heal your inner pain. ‘As I live,’ says the Lord,¹ ‘I am ready to help and comfort you more than ever, if you trust Me and call on Me with devotion.’

Be of good heart² and prepare yourself to endure greater trials. All is not lost, however often you feel tempted or deeply troubled. You are not God, after all, just human, not even an Angel. How can you expect to remain in a constant state of virtue, when this was not even possible for an Angel of heaven,³ nor for the first person in the Garden? I am He who grants healing and safety to those in distress,⁴ and I lift up to My divinity those who acknowledge their weakness.

DISCIPLE: Lord, Your words are blessed! They are sweeter to my mouth than honey and the honeycomb.⁵ What would I do in such trials and troubles as these, if You did not sustain me with Your holy words? As long as I finally come to the haven of salvation, what does the nature or size of my sufferings matter? Grant me a holy death and a joyful passing out of this world. Remember me, O my God, and lead me in the right way to Your Kingdom.⁶

FIFTY-EIGHT

How we may not search into the mysterious judgements of God

CHRIST: My child, avoid controversies above your understanding and the unfathomable judgements of God. Do not argue why this person is forsaken and another is given great gifts; or why one is grievously afflicted while another is richly rewarded. Such things are above human understanding, and neither reasoning nor debate is fit to explain the judgements of God. So when the Enemy puts these issues into your mind, or when inquisitive people ask about them, answer with the Prophet, ‘You are righteous, O Lord, and Your judgements are right.’¹ My judgements are to be respected, not debated, because they are beyond the comprehension of the human mind.²

Do not argue over the merits of the Saints, which is the holiest, or which the greater in the Kingdom of Heaven. This often leads to discord and unprofitable disputes,³ feeding pride and empty boasting, which at every turn lead to envy and dissension, while one seriously seeks to praise this Saint and another that. Now, this desire to know and explore such matters is of no benefit and is displeasing to the Saints themselves, ‘for God is a God not of disorder but of peace’,⁴ and My peace is founded on humility, not self-promotion.

Some, in their ardent enthusiasm, profess a greater devotion to one Saint than to another; but this devotion is of human origin, not divine. I am He who made all the Saints; I gave them grace; I endowed them with glory. I know the merits of each; I went before them with My blessings.⁵ I foreknew My loved ones before time began.⁶ I chose them out of the world;⁷ they did not first choose Me. I called them by grace;⁸ I drew them by mercy. I was their guide in many temptations; I poured out on them wonderful consolations. I gave them perseverance and crowned their patience.

I know them, the first and the last, and enfold them all in My boundless love. I am to be praised in all My Saints. I am to be blessed above all things, and to be honoured in each of those whom I have predestined and raised to such glory through no previous virtues of their own. Anyone, therefore, who disparages one of the least⁹ of My Saints, in no way adds to the glory of a greater by so doing, for small and great alike are My creation.¹⁰ And anyone who speaks lightly of any of the Saints, speaks lightly both of Myself and of all the company of heaven. All are one in the bonds of love; their thoughts and aspirations are one and all love each other in unity.¹¹

But above all of this, they love Me more than themselves and their own virtues. Taken up out of themselves and carried beyond the love of self, they are totally involved in loving Me, in whom they rest in peace and joy. Nothing can distract or dismay them, for they are full of the eternal truth and burn with the fire of unquenchable love. So let the wicked and worldly refrain from disputes about the standing of the Saints, for they care for nothing except their own gratification. In their own interest, they exaggerate or trivialize facts and pay no regard to the eternal truth. In the case of many, it is through ignorance, especially those who have little understanding and are seldom capable of loving anyone with a pure and spiritual love. Such people are strongly attracted to one person or another by natural affection and human friendship. As they behave towards people on earth, so they imagine that they can react to the Saints in heaven. But the thoughts of imperfect people are greatly below those given to spiritual perception through the revelations of God.

So beware, My child, of being very curious about matters beyond your knowledge. Let your aim be to be counted even among the least in the Kingdom of God. Even if you could know who is the holiest and greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, what use would that knowledge be, unless it leads you to humble yourself before Me and rise up to praise My name with greater devotion? It is far more acceptable to God that you consider the enormity of your own sins, the smallness of your virtue and how far you are from the perfection of the Saints, than that you should argue about who is the greater or lesser among them. It is better to pray to the Saints with devout prayer and sorrow, and to implore their glorious prayers, than to search into their secrets with pointless curiosity.

The Saints enjoy good and perfect contentment. Oh, if only people could be content and control their empty talk! The Saints do not boast of their own virtues; they attribute no goodness to themselves, but only to Me, for I gave them everything through My endless love. They are filled with such a deep love for God and with such an overwhelming joy that nothing is wanting to their glory, nor can anything be lacking in their happiness. The higher they stand in glory, the more humble the Saints are in themselves and the closer they are to Me and more loved. So you have the biblical words, they ‘fall before the One who is seated on the throne and worship the One who lives for ever and ever’.¹²

Many ask, ‘Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?’¹³ not knowing whether they themselves will ever be counted even the least in it. It is a great thing to be even the least in heaven, where all are great, for all shall be called the children of God¹⁴ and will really be so. The least shall be equal to a thousand ordinary people, but the sinners, for all their hundred years, will die.¹⁵ When the disciples asked who should be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, they received the reply: ‘Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.’¹⁶

Woe to those who are too proud willingly to humble themselves like little children, for the humble gates of heaven will not open to let them in. Woe also to the rich, who enjoy their pleasures in this life,¹⁷ for while the poor enter into the Kingdom of God, they shall stand weeping outside. Be glad, you humble people! Leap for joy, O you poor! If you will but live in the Truth, the Kingdom of God is yours.¹⁸

FIFTY-NINE

That we should hope and trust in God alone

DISCIPLE: Lord, in this life in what can I put my trust? And what is my greatest comfort on earth? Is it not only You, O Lord my God, whose mercy is endless? Have I ever prospered without You? And did I suffer badly when You were at hand? I would prefer to be poor for Your sake than rich without You. I would choose to be a vagrant on the face of the earth with You rather than possess heaven without You. For where You are, there is heaven, and where You are not, there is death and hell. You are my only desire; I cry, pray and sigh for You. I cannot put my trust in any mortals to give me the help sufficient for my needs, but only in You alone, O my God. You are my hope,¹ my trust, my strength and most reliable in all things.

People seek their own interests,² but You, Lord, seek only my salvation and welfare, and turn all things to my good.³ Even when You expose me to various temptations and hardships, You order them completely for my good, for that is Your way to test Your chosen servant by many trials. During trials of this kind my love and praise is Your due no less than when You fill my soul with heavenly comfort.

Then, O Lord God, I place my whole hope and trust in You. I put all my trouble and distress onto You. Whenever I look elsewhere, I find things weak and unstable. The number of my friends is no help; powerful allies will not be able to help; wise counsellors will not be able to give me useful answers, nor learned books give me comfort. No precious jewel can ransom me, nor can any secret or pleasant place offer refuge, unless You Yourself stand at my side to assist and help me, to strengthen, cheer, instruct and protect me.

Unless You stay with me, all things that seem to bring peace and happiness are as nothing, for they cannot offer true happiness. You alone are the End of all good things, the fullness of life, the depth of wisdom; the greatest comfort for Your servants is to trust in You above everything else. My God, Father of mercies, I look to You, I trust in You.⁴ Bless and sanctify my soul with Your heavenly blessing, that it may become Your holy dwelling and the seat of Your eternal glory. Let nothing remain in the temple of Your glory to offend the sight of Your divine majesty. Of Your great goodness and abundant mercy look on me and hear the prayer of Your humble servant, an exile from home in the land of the shadow of death.⁵ Guard and preserve the soul of Your servant among the many perils of corruptible life. Let Your grace go with me, and guide me in the way of peace⁶ to my native land of perpetual light.