By the second week of April, the camp authorities were desperate. They no longer received orders from Berlin, as usual, or if they came, they were contradictory. On the one hand, no prisoners were allowed to fall into Allied hands, so the killing intensified. On the other hand, there were still ongoing negotiations with the Red Cross. Many of the guards who had worked in the camp had deserted. The situation within the camp was always dire, but in the last few weeks of the war, it deteriorated alarmingly.
When Sabine met Gebele for the first time, he was still wearing the striped prison uniform, but by now, being pressed into a more official role, he was wearing an army uniform, perhaps even an SS uniform.
He himself had not joined the SS, as he was just a prisoner with privileges, but with the situation deteriorating, it was a case of all hands on deck. Despite his criminal past, his superiors obviously had enough confidence in him to put him on watch at the entrance gate.
This Tuesday, at 2 a.m., Gebele wrote to Sabine in response to a letter she had sent him, and they had also managed to meet in person that day. It seems Sabine had finally given in to his pressure of marriage, and Gebele was over the moon with the “engagement.” He felt young again and wrote, “Now I know you really love me from the bottom of your heart and I will be forever grateful. I will remember this to my dying day.”
Although elated, he felt sad at the same time because the evacuation plan had failed. That same evening, the Swiss Red Cross had decided that it would be too great a risk to evacuate the Dutch. The announcement on the radio at nine o’clock the night before had said that the delegation from the Red Cross had been unable to find a way through to the camp. “This means that there is no way you will be leaving... All of this is a source of great sadness, because it not only concerns you, but also Dr. Steijns and many of your male and female compatriots. I would like to put a bomb underneath all these incompetents.”
Meanwhile he kept reminding her to practice her walking, so that in the event of an emergency, she could save herself. She could trust him never to abandon her, and he would do everything in his power to help her. He would stay in the camp as long as Sabine was still there.
Gebele had passed on Sabine’s greetings to Dr. Steijns, and he in return sent his greetings back to her. He too was bitterly disappointed about the failed evacuation plans.
Dr. Steijns is as depressed about the news as I am, but he says we must not give up hope. To be honest he is in a deplorable state, but I can’t bring myself to tell him that.
I do wonder if he will make it. It would be such a pity. He is a good friend and an honest man. He always cheers up when I talk about you and tells me that he cannot think of a more loving man for his little Zuurtje than me (he orders me to tell you this).
Sabine had expressed her concern about Gebele’s refusal to join the SS, but he reassured her again, “Don’t worry, your big boy knows what to do and what to avoid.” He explained again that he did not want to join the SS because, first, he wanted to stay in the camp while she was still there, and second, he hated the regime. His only preoccupation was to leave with Sabine and go to Holland now, knowing that his little Sonnenschein was all his.
He looked forward to meeting her mother and hoped they could live with her until they were married. “I hope she will like me and accept me as her extra son.” Sabine had told him that her mother would never want to live with one of her children, plus spouse. This was incomprehensible to Gebele, and he did not agree. “She has to come and live with us. But there is no point fighting about it at this stage. We shall see who wins when the time comes, you, me or your mother.”
Even though he had known Sabine for only a few weeks, this did not stop him making big plans for the future:
You once told me you would like to have children and this is the reason why Mum should live with us: because of the children. Not as a nanny, but to enjoy them. I would love it if she could share our love and happiness and, in the last chapter of her life live happily with us. Look, Sabine, the spring and summer of her life have passed and autumn is about to begin. Should she now be lonely and alone? No, she belongs with her children and grandchildren, that is my holy aim.
This reminded him that so far, she had told him little about her family. What sort of job did her father and brothers have before the war? He was really interested, but Sabine did not give him much information. “Just you wait, naughty girl. When I come down below with the Professor on Friday to see how you are. Punishment is unavoidable and I will kiss your lips so intensely that you will need treatment from the Professor. So, please reply to some of my questions in your next letter, okay?”
This was another of his little teasing jokes, but considering Sabine’s circumstances, it sounded more like an implied threat. He fantasized, when the opportunity arose, about taking one of his superiors’ cars, driving through Switzerland and spending a few days together in Munich on their way to Holland. But it seemed they would first have to finish drinking the poisoned chalice “before we are free to do as we like.” He meant the failed evacuation to Switzerland, although he was convinced it would still happen within the next few days. The news from the Front was hopeful.
The letter writing was a risky business. And keeping the letters even more so. Despite this, Gebele asked Sabine to keep his letters and hoped she would take them home with her. They were his holy symbols of his love for her:
Sabine, my angel, I have to tell you one thing. Once home, when it is known that we are engaged, I do not want to wait too long to get married. For my part, our “abreigung” [engagement] does not need to be long, or do you object? Hmm. Kleine Sabine, please don’t object.
Sabine must have felt absolutely desperate and depressed. Twice now the evacuation had not happened. Liberation was so near and yet so far. She had been forced to give in to Gebele’s constant demands for an engagement and her declarations of love. Of course, she was eternally grateful for everything he did for her, but marrying him and taking him to Holland? It was a total fantasy, although Gebele was utterly convinced. It seemed, as the days went by and the tension rose, that he was losing any sense of reality. It seemed he forgot he was a German oppressor in a concentration camp. And that prisoner or not, he would still be reviled. He clung to the thought of a happy future.