At 10 p.m. this Thursday evening, Gebele wrote to Sabine to tell her that he had received her sweet letter from two days ago, but had not had the time to reply until now. He sent best wishes from Dr. Steijns, whose health continued to improve, as his “towering hunger” proved.
Sabine had relayed to Gebele how bad the situation in the Wiener Graben was, and he told her that some women were due to be moved back to the main camp a few days ago, but somehow this had not happened so far. It was therefore imperative that she kept on with her exercises. The plaster cast was due to be removed, and she must keep on trying to stand and walk.
Follow mine and the Professor’s advice and be brave, my darling. Chin up and keep going. We have to make sure that in case of an evacuation or unforeseen disaster, you can save yourself. The plaster could be a great obstacle.
In two days’ time we will all come down to keep you company and then punishment for disobedience will take place, love of my life.
Although the women were not removed from the quarry, some improvements were made, sanitation was cleaned up, and those with infectious diseases were separated by wooden partitions from the others. Emergency measures that were unsustainable, according to Gebele.
Sabine complained how badly the Roma women were treating her and the others. After the war, she recalled that they were mostly prostitutes, put in charge by the SS as Kapos.
“They enjoyed and used their powerful status as much as they could... As soon as you try to have a moment’s rest, one of them will tell you to go back to work. They don’t give you a moment’s peace.” These barracks were also called the “Zigeuner Baracke” (the barracks where the Roma women were kept). According to eyewitnesses, the thirty or so barracks down in the quarry were little more than damp, drafty wooden huts without glass in the windows. Of course, the other reason it was so awful to be there was the direct view onto the gruesome Todesstiege (death stairs).
Yes, Seelchen, this infamous death staircase has cost thousands their lives and is the symbol for Camp Mauthausen. Many a prominent member of society who no doubt never expected to end his life that way has perished on it. You write that you were in tears at the sight of it, but, my dear Seelchen, do not cry. Be brave. This is just one more lesson in the school of life that you will have to learn in order to become hard as steel.
She had to get through this to be able to start a new life with him, he told her. “Bravery and humor will help you through this despair and misery.”
The valley where the barracks are is dominated on one side by the steep wall of the quarry and the horrendous spectacle of the stairs going up the side, but on the other side, beautiful countryside can be glimpsed through the barbed wire fencing.
Sabine wrote to Gebele that the sight of the spring flowers made her very homesick; according to Gebele, no one could be unmoved seeing this idyllic landscape around them, “only those who have lost their moral compass.”
While writing this long letter, Gebele suddenly found himself in the dark. The electricity had been turned off, and he had to continue by candlelight. He was convinced it wouldn’t be long before they would be reunited forever. She had no idea how hot-blooded he was and what a big boy he was deep down. “You will be afraid of me when you discover the truth, you little Sabine Sonnenschein.”
As soon as they were back in Holland, they would be able to leave all this misery behind and, together with Sabine’s mother, enter a double spring. He looked forward to the three of them driving through the bulb fields and enjoying the flowers. “I would like to leave my rags behind in the camp and right now lie down in a field with you.”
While Sabine made an effort to keep Gebele interested and even agreed to an engagement, she also tried to talk him out of coming to Holland. But he was not to be dissuaded. “You will not put me off by painting your homeland in unattractive colors, my naughty Seelchen, and you are certainly not going to spoil the prospect of marriage by these means. No no, naughty little Seelchen.”
Nothing could stop him from marrying Sabine. If only she would follow his wise advice about her foot, all would be well. She should think of the many women who lost their lives at the last moment because they could not keep up during an evacuation. That would be the worst possible thing that could happen to him. If Sabine died when rescue was within her grasp, “I can’t think about it.” So, however painful, she had to persevere.
Food was getting scarcer. The SS were now handing out only a sixth of the normal bread rations—perhaps an attempt at weakening the camp prisoners even more. Due to some thefts, Gebele had not sent Sabine any supplies for a few days, but he told her she could expect some more the next day, although she should meanwhile eat what was left over so far. Gebele suspected the food rations would shortly be even further reduced. “You have to keep eating to get well, then you can walk to the Kommandantur by yourself, while it is still allowed.”
Since the last failed evacuation plans, Gebele hadn’t mentioned any new evacuation projects, which must have weighted heavily on Sabine’s mood. Freedom just got further away. Down below in the Wiener Graben, life was desolate. She did not even have a bed. But on the wall of the quarry opposite her barrack, she could see the spring blossom. A bottomless depression and desolation came over her. Every night there were bombardments nearby, and she wondered when it would be their turn.
In the Graben, rumors flew around about women being forced to have sex with each other, cannibalism, mass gassings and murders. Day and night there were constant fights over food, screaming and assaults. The fear and panic in the drafty, overcrowded huts must have been unbearable. The constant threats brought out the worst in everybody. It was survival of the fittest. No one cared for anyone else anymore. Just looking outside and seeing the men falling down the staircase weighted down by heavy rocks was an added torture.