American culture has been shaped by the cultural backgrounds of those who comprise its population, past and present. Diverse wedding traditions and taboos in the United States bear the traces of their European, Native American, African, and Asian origins. Religious preferences, as well as the bridging of cultures and practices in certain unions, have also contributed to the diversity of American weddings. The most common wedding traditions and taboos fit into four categories: selection of apparel, bride and groom interaction, ceremony “firsts,” and ceremonial rites.
Clothing
Until recently, wearing a white dress as a wedding guest has been considered taboo, originating from the wedding of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Most scholars agree that Victoria’s choice of a white silk and lace dress inspired many to follow in her path. However, there are different views as to what caused so many brides to follow in her path many decades later. Some argue that it was because white represents purity and innocence, while others say that it was because it represents new beginnings. However, what is undeniable is that the association between ornate, white dresses with wealth and status greatly accelerated this fashion trend.
The traditional association between the bride and a white dress made it taboo for wedding guests to wear white. It is considered improper etiquette and is one of the strongest wedding taboos. Some brides may overlook it, but this is rare. Even in circumstances where the bride chooses to break with tradition and wear a different color dress, it is still unacceptable for guests to wear white.
As a bride, not wearing a wedding veil is a taboo adapted from European traditions. It is an accepted belief among many that the veil served the purpose of warding off evil spirits that might harm the bride. In non-European cultures, however, the veil prevented the groom from seeing the bride too early in cases of arranged marriage to prevent the groom from changing his mind. In the United States, these practices have persisted and help to create a “big reveal” moment between the bride and the groom during the wedding ceremony.
The failure to follow the traditional wedding rhyme “Something old, something new; something borrowed, something blue” is also considered taboo. It is believed that the rules of this rhyme will bring good fortune to the bride if properly followed. In European traditions, the “something old” represents continuity with the past; something “new” symbolizes a new beginning; something “borrowed” represents happiness and fertility, for the something borrowed should be from a friend who has borne children; and something “blue” symbolizes purity, fidelity, and love. The original rhyme included a final line “and a sixpence in her shoe,” but this has long been omitted in American traditions.
Bride and Groom
In what is perhaps the greatest of wedding superstitions, grooms and brides are kept separate on the wedding day prior to the ceremony. This custom originated in a time when arranged marriages were very popular. It was not uncommon in such arrangements for the groom to change his mind after seeing the bride prior to the wedding if he was not attracted to the bride-to-be. An alternative source for the custom is the seclusion rites practiced in many traditional cultures, in which brides and grooms participate in separate rituals to prepare them for the next stage in their advent to adulthood.
Additionally, it is considered taboo for grooms not to carry their brides across the threshold after the wedding. This taboo is similar in origins to the absence of a wedding veil taboo. As a veil protects the bride from evil spirits, so does the groom in this tradition as he carries her across the threshold into their home. Common superstition held that evil spirits might try to trip the bride as she walked into their home. In the United States, the practice now serves as a gesture of love and affection rather than as protection from evil spirits. In African American culture, “jumping the broom” serves as a symbolic “leap” from old life to new, and a celebration of life joined together in future happiness and prosperity.
Ceremonial Firsts
In many wedding and reception ceremonies there are several traditional “firsts” that must occur to secure good luck. In Anglo-American wedding ceremonies, it is customary to perform a number of “firsts” together as bride and groom in front of the wedding guests, the most popular of which is the joint cutting of the cake. This symbolizes the first act that the bride and groom do together; however, it was originally seen as a symbol of good luck for wealth, fertility, and love.
Wedding ceremonies and other rites of passage provide fertile ground for the spread of folklore and folk traditions. Certain taboos govern these rites and have achieved cultural authority, mostly by virtue of repeated use and fear of the social consequences of breaking them. (Oleg Tovkach/Dreamstime.com)
In traditional Anglo-American wedding receptions, the bride and groom have their first dance. This practice originated from rules of etiquette that require the bride and groom, as the guests of honor, to introduce the celebration after the wedding. After their first dance, the wedding guests are then permitted to dance as well. This tradition today is understood to be less about etiquette and more about allowing a moment for the bride and groom that is theirs alone amidst the chaos of the celebration.
Ceremonial Rites
According to many traditions, the father of the bride “presents” his daughter to her groom. This derives from an ancient belief that unmarried women are the property of their fathers, and the presentation represented a transfer of ownership from father to husband. However, these associations have been lost to most Americans in the modern era; many consider the custom to symbolize a blessing from the bride’s parents on her prospective marriage.
During the ceremony, traditionally grooms stand on their brides’ right. It is considered taboo for the groom to stand on the bride’s left because the groom’s duty during the wedding ceremony was to flank the bride’s right side to protect her and be able to fight with his right hand. The groom’s best man’s duty was to stand on the right side of the groom to fight alongside the groom in the unfortunate case of an attack. Although the precise origin of this belief is lost, the arrangement of the bride, groom, and best man during the exchange of vows remains unchanged.
It is traditional in the United States for brides and grooms to exchange rings using a conventional script of vows. Although the exact origins of the “ring finger” or fourth digit of the left hand is open to interpretation and debate, most believe that the ring finger contains a vein leading directly to the heart. Thus, the ring is placed on a digit closest to the heart. Even at the present time it is considered taboo, and a sign of intended infidelity, to wear a wedding band on a different finger.
The bride and groom’s kiss at the conclusion of the ceremony is a European tradition that once symbolized the signing of a contract. While this still remains one meaning of the gesture, Americans of European descent have adapted the tradition to reflect the couple’s love and happiness, as well as the initiation of a happy union.
In many cultures, wedding guests shower the bride and groom with grain as they leave the wedding ceremony. Throwing grains at a bride and groom at the conclusion of a wedding ceremony signifies a desire for fertility, prosperity, and good luck for the new couple. More recently, American weddings use bird seed because it is thought to be better for the environment and easier to clean up. Others go an even more unconventional route and blow bubbles at the newly wedded couple.
It is customary at American wedding receptions for the bride to throw her wedding bouquet and for the groom to throw the bride’s garter. By tradition, whoever catches the bouquet will be the next woman to marry, and whoever catches the garter will be the next man to marry. However, both of these traditions are on their way to becoming obsolete. While many see the throwing of the bouquet to be an out-of-date gesture to women fearing spinsterhood, the retrieval and then tossing of the garter is considered somewhat disrespectful and awkward to many young soon-to-be-married couples today.
Since wedding ceremonies are typically formal occasions and community events, they are guided by tradition and bound by ritual practices. Therefore, it is not surprising that many wedding taboos have remained in place in spite of the weakening of premodern systems of belief and customary social attitudes. Of course Jewish, Muslim, Eastern Orthodox, Hindu, and other religious traditions influence the content and form of wedding ceremonies to a very great extent, as does the national origin of brides and grooms. Nevertheless, they adhere to tradition and customary form, and indeed taboos and superstitions, are part of the shared wedding experience across the diverse array of ethnic and racial communities of North America.
Alexandria P. Ayala
See also Good Luck Charms; Jumping the Broom; Superstitions
Further Reading
Capo, Ava Laboy. 2013. Wedding Traditions from Around the World. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse.
Emrich, Duncan. 1970. The Folklore of Weddings and Marriage: The Traditional Beliefs, Customs, Superstitions, Charms, and Omens of Marriage and Marriage Ceremonies. New York: McGraw-Hill.
“Native American Wedding Traditions.” 2015. Manataka: American Indian Council website. http://www.manataka.org/page348.html. Accessed October 19, 2015.
Oliver, Harry. 2010. Black Cats & Four-Leaf Clovers: The Origins of Old Wives’ Tales and Superstitions in Our Everyday Lives. New York: Perigee Books.