Foreword
1.Eric E. Peterson, preface to Run with the Horses: The Quest for Life at Its Best, by Eugene H. Peterson (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2019), 2.
Introduction—The Need to Know
1.Dave Harvey, “Lift the Heavy Burden of Shame: How to Care for Parents of Prodigals,” Desiring God, August 21, 2017, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lift-the-heavy-burden-of-shame.
2.Reb Bradley, “Exposing Major Blind Spots…” Oklahoma Christian Educators Consociation, Fall 2013. As reprinted in “Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers by Reb Bradley.” Springs of Grace Church, September 20, 2011, https://springsofgrace.church/2011/09/exposing-major-blind-spots-of-homeschoolers-by-reb-bradley/; emphasis added.
3.Ibid.
4.James K.A. Smith, You Are What You Love, Grand Rapids, Brazos Press, 2016), 37.
Chapter 1—Identity: Who Do You Think You Are?
1.Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith (New York: HarperCollins, 2006), 28-29.
2.Paul David Tripp, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016), 77.
3.C.S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory,” June 8, 1942, Wheelersburg Local School District, http://www.wheelersburg.net/Downloads/Lewis%20Glory.pdf.
4.Adapted from John Owen, as quoted in Timothy Keller, Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God (New York: Dutton, 2014): “A minister may fill his pews, his communion roll, the mouths of the public, but what that minister is on his knees in secret before God Almighty, that he is and no more.”
5.Concept featured in Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy (LaGrange, KY: 10Publishing, 2012).
6.Heather Davis Nelson, “10 Things You Should Know about Shame,” Crossway.com, June 20, 2016, https://www.crossway.org/blog/2016/06/10-things-you-should-know-about-shame/.
7.Jamie Miller, 10-Minute Life Lessons for Kids: 52 Fun and Simple Games and Activities to Teach Your Children Honesty, Trust, Love, and Other Important Values (New York: HarperPerennial, 1998), 48-49.
8.Bobby Schuller, “Creed of the Beloved,” https://hourofpower.org/thecreedofthebeloved/.
9.Deb Heefner, personal video conversation with author, January 28, 2020.
Chapter 2—Prayer: Listening Up
1.Peter Kreeft, Angels and Demons: What Do We Really Know About Them? (San Francisco, CA: Ignatius Press, 1995), 23.
2.Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion (New York: HarperCollins, 1992), 8-9.
Chapter 3—Self-Control: The Power of What We Don’t Do
1.Michael Shammas, “Outrage Culture Kills Important Conversation,” HuffPost, January 27, 2017, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/from-liberal-college-camp_b_9070894.
2.“Emotion is a primary driving force of our existence,” Curt Thompson, MD, The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about Ourselves (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 50.
3.Water Mischel, Ebbe B. Ebbesen, and Antonette Raskoff Zeiss, “Cognitive and Attentional Mechanisms in Delay of Gratification,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 21, no. 2 (1972): 204-18, doi: 10.1037/h0032198.
4.Y. Shoda, Walter Mischel, and P.K. Peake, “Predicting Adolescent Cognitive and Self-Regulatory Competencies from Preschool Delay of Gratification: Identifying Diagnostic Conditions,” Developmental Psychology 26, no. 6 (1990), 978-86, doi: 10.1037/0012-1649.26.6.978.
5.Tyler W. Watts, Greg J. Duncan, Haonan Quan, “Revisiting the Marshmallow Test: A Conceptual Replication Investigating Links Between Early Delay of Gratification and Later Outcomes,” Psychological Science 29, no. 7 (July 2018), 1159-77, doi: 10.1177/0956797618761661.
6.Fred Rogers, You Are Special: Neighborly Words of Wisdom from Mister Rogers (New York: Penguin Books, 1995), 74.
7.D.R. Becker et al., “Behavioral Self-Regulation and Executive Function Both Predict Visuomotor Skills and Early Academic Achievement,” Early Childhood Research Quarterly 29 (2014): 411-24, doi: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2014.04.014.
8.Michelle M. Martel et al., “Childhood and Adolescent Resiliency, Regulation, and Executive Functioning in Relation to Adolescent Problems and Competence in a High-Risk Sample,” Development and Psychopathology 19, no. 2 (April 2007): 54-63, doi: 10.1017/S0954579407070265.
9.A.R. Sutin, L. Ferrucci, A.B. Zonderman, and A. Terracciano, “Personality and Obesity Across the Adult Life Span,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 101, no. 3 (2011): 579-92, doi: 10.1037/a0024286
10.Peg Dawson and Richard Guare, Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential (New York: Guilford, 2009), 80.
11.Catholic activist Dorothy Day said, “We have to create an environment where it is easier to be good.” Quoted in Shane Claiborne, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, and Enuma Okoro, Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010), 462.
12.Jane E. Barker and Yuko Munakata, “Time Isn’t of the Essence: Activating Goals Rather Than Imposing Delays Improves Inhibitory Control in Children,” Psychological Science 26, no. 12 (December 2015): 1898-1908, doi: 10.1177/0956797615604625.
13.Michelle Anthony, “Why Impulse Control Is Harder Than Ever,” Scholastic, https://www.scholastic.com/parents/family-life/parent-child/why-impulse-control-harder-ever.html, accessed June 4, 2020; emphasis added.
14.Paul David Tripp, “How to Be Good and Angry by Paul David Tripp,” Westminster Theological Seminary, April 8, 2009, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl0UNm6uQqE.
15.Ibid.
16.Amy Carmichael, If: What Do I Know of Calvary Love? (Fort Washington, PA: CLC Publications, 2011), 35.
17.Alessandro Gabbiadini et al., “Interactive Effect of Moral Disengagement and Violent Video Games on Self-Control, Cheating, and Aggression,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 5, no. 4 (May 2014): 451-8, doi: 10.1177/1948550613509286.
18.Angie S. Page et al., “Children’s Screen Viewing Is Related to Psychological Difficulties Irrespective of Physical Activity,” Pediatrics 126, no. 5 (November 2010): 1011-17, doi: 10.1542/peds.2010-1154.
Chapter 4—Meditation: On Keeping Quiet
1.Xiao Ma et al., “The Effect of Diaphragmatic Breathing on Attention, Negative Affect and Stress in Healthy Adults,” Frontiers in Psychology 8 (June 2017), doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874.
2.Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us (Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2005), 172.
3.Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 31.
4.Tim Challies, “A Danger of Lectio Divina,” Challies, May 21, 2104, https://www.challies.com/articles/a-danger-of-lectio-divina/.
5.Deborah Weatherspoon, “Box Breathing,” Healthline, February 22, 2019, https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing.
Chapter 5—Studying God’s Word: Learning to Feed Ourselves
1.Voddie Baucham, Bob Lepine, and Dennis Rainey, “Leading Your Family in Faith,” FamilyLife Today, February 26, 2008, https://www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-today/leading-your-family-in-faith/.
2.Jessica Thompson, “Help Wanted: Looking for Someone to Make My Kids Love the Bible,” Crossway, July 22, 2014, https://www.crossway.org/blog/2014/07/help-wanted-looking-for-someone-to-make-my-kids-love-the-bible/.
Chapter 6—Simplicity: When Less Is So Much More
1.Randy Alcorn, The Treasure Principle (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2005), 34.
2.Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 79-80.
3.Johnathon Bowers, “America’s Most Tolerated Sin,” Desiring God, February 18, 2015, https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/americas-most-tolerated-sin.
4.John Piper, A Hunger for God (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 1997).
5.Valerie E. Hess and Marti Watson Garlett, Habits of a Child’s Heart: Raising Your Kids with the Spiritual Disciplines (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2004), 51.
6.This term was coined by Kosuke Koyama in Three Mile an Hour God (London: SCM Press, 2015).
7.Dallas Willard, as cited in John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014), 20.
Chapter 7—Holy Sexuality: We Are Worth More Than This
1.Christopher Asmus, “Longing for Intimacy: Four Promises for Same-Sex-Attracted Christians,” Desiring God, January 18, 2018, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/longing-for-intimacy.
2.Morgan Bennett, “The New Narcotic,” The Public Discourse, October 9, 2013, https://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/10/10846/.
3.Ibid.
4.Cameron Cole, “Four Things Youth Workers Would Tell Parents About Teenagers, Social Media, and Technology,” Core Christianity, April 2, 2019, https://corechristianity.com/resource-library/articles/four-things-youth-workers-would-tell-parents-about-teenagers-social-media-and-technology.
5.Nellie Bowles, “A Dark Consensus About Screens and Kids Begins to Emerge in Silicon Valley,” New York Times, October 26, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/26/style/phones-children-silicon-valley.html.
6.Find instructions for iPhones at https://www.iphonefaq.org/archives/972265 and for Androids at https://www.wikihow.com/Block-Multimedia-Messages-(MMS)-on-Android.
7.Kempton Turner, “Pure Pleasure: The Battle for Sexual Purity,” The Gospel Coalition, 2020, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/course/pure-pleasure-the-battle-for-sexual-purity/#feast-and-fences.
8.Juli Slattery, “Pursue Wholeness, not Purity,” Java with Juli, July 20, 2019.
9.Lauren Winner, Mudhouse Sabbath: An Invitation to a Life of Spiritual Discipline (Brewster, MA: Paraclete, 2007), 67.
10.Nsikan Akpan, “In Kavanaugh Debate, ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ Is an Unscientific Excuse for Assault,” PBS.com, September 21, 2018, https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/why-boys-will-be-boys-is-an-unscientific-excuse-for-assault.
11.“Facts About Suicide,” The Trevor Project, https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.0000h4jwmy7gpf1azah2hmzp2lnjr, accessed July 6, 2020.
12.Modified from “Helping Teens Resist Sexual Pressure,” HealthyChildren.org, November 2, 2009, https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Helping-Teens-Resist-Sexual-Pressure.aspx.
13.Janel Breitenstein, “Casual Sex: What’s in It for Her?” FamilyLife.com, 2019, https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/life-issues/challenges/cultural-issues/casual-sex-whats-in-it-for-her/.
Chapter 8—Community: Almost Home
1.John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall, The Cure: What If God Isn’t Who You Think He Is and Neither Are You? (Phoenix, AZ: Trueface, 2011), 19.
2.Johann Hari, Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression—and the Unexpected Solutions (New York: Bloomsbury, 2018), 79.
3.Ibid., 59.
4.John and Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, revised and updated (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2011).
5.Drew Hunter, Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys (Wheaton: Crossway, 2018), 34-36.
6.Revised from similar concept by Jamie Miller, 10-Minute Life Lessons for Kids: 52 Fun and Simple Games and Activities to Teach Your Children Honesty, Trust, Love, and Other Important Values (New York: HarperPerennial, 1998), 147.
Chapter 9—Discernment: Sorting the Skittles
1.Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago: An Experiment in Literary Investigation, trans. Thomas P. Whitney (New York: HarperCollins, 2007), 75.
2.Joyce Slayton, “The Mandalorian TV Review,” Common Sense Media, https://www.commonsensemedia.org/tv-reviews/the-mandalorian.
Chapter 10—Service: Downward Mobility
1.“Where Do We Go from Here?” (1967), as cited in https://mbird.com/2020/01/how-mlk-got-his-name/, January 20, 2020.
2.Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth (New York: HarperCollins, 1998).
3.“We must confess, dirty clothes make a mess!” KidsOfIntegrity.com. https://www.kidsofintegrity.com/lessons/righteousness/hands-options/we-must-confess-dirty-clothes-make-mess.
4.C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperOne, 2015), 112.
Chapter 11—Sharing Our Faith: Loving Them This Much
1.Ruth Haley Barton, Life Together in Christ: Experiencing Transformation in Community (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2014), 153.
2.Esther Katende-Magezi, “The Impact of Second-Hand Clothes and Shoes in East Africa,” Geneva, Switzerland: Cuts International, Geneva (2017), http://www.cuts-geneva.org/pdf/PACT2-STUDY-The_Impact_of_Second_Hand_Clothes_and_Shoes_in_East_Africa.pdf.
3.As cited in Justin Taylor, “How Much Do You Have to Hate Somebody to Not Proselytize?” TheGospelCoalition.org. November 18, 2009, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/how-much-do-you-have-to-hate-somebody-to-not-proselytize/.
4.Ibid.
5.These questions are based on https://goexplorethebible.com/uncategorized/10-questions-to-initiate-a-spiritual-conversation/.
6.Qur’an 50:16.
Chapter 12—Resilience: Your Child, Stronger
1.Mary Bates, “Super Powers for the Blind and Deaf,” The Scientific American, September 18, 2012, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/superpowers-for-the-blind-and-deaf/.
2.Timothy Keller, Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God’s Work (New York: Viking, 2012), 154.
3.“Apple 1 from 1976 Signed by Wozniak Sells for $650,000,” BBC, May 25, 2013, https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-22667353.
4.Michael Card, A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2005), 31.
5.Timothy Keller, “Real Bad,” Daily Keller: Wisdom from Tim Keller 365 Days a Year, February 12, 2015, http://dailykeller.com/real-bad/.
6.Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (New York: Penguin Random House, 2012), 239.
7.Thomas Keating, The Human Condition: Contemplation and Transformation (Mahwah, NJ: Paulist, 1999), 38.
8.Jamie Miller, 10-Minute Life Lessons for Kids: 52 Fun and Simple Games and Activities to Teach Your Children Honesty, Trust, Love, and Other Important Values (New York: HarperPerennial, 1998), 60-61.
9.Ibid., 48.
10.J. Scott Duvall, “Angry at Death: Reading John 11,” EverydayBioethics.org, January 24, 2017, https://everydaybioethics.org/intersections/angry-death-reading-john-11.
Chapter 13—Respecting Authority: Stepping Down
1.Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Wapwollopen, PA: Shepherd, 2005), 4-5.
2.John and Stacy Lynch, Bruce and Janet McNicol, and Bill and Grace Thrall, The Cure & Parents (Phoenix: TrueFace, 2016), 12.
3.Ginger Hubbard, Don’t Make Me Count to Three: A Mom’s Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd, 2004), 117.
4.Gretchen Rubin, “Habit Strategies and Tips for Rebels,” Gretchen Rubin, August 8, 2017, https://gretchenrubin.com/2017/08/four-tendencies-rebels-habits/.
Chapter 14—Confession and Repentance: Regrets Only
1.Ken Sande with Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families (Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family, 2002), 57.
2.Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional (Wheaton: Crossway, 2014), August 11.
3.Corlette Sande, The Young Peacemaker: Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict in God’s Way (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press Inc., 2002).
4.Altered from “Object Lesson About Confession,” iFindSermons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFa4FEGSUe4.
Chapter 15—Adoration: The Song That Never Ends
1.Dennis Rainey, e-mail message to author, December 20, 2015.
2.C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms (Boston, MA: Harcourt, 1958), 90.
3.Amy Fallon, “Uganda Motorbike Deaths: Concerns Grow over Silent Killers,” The Guardian, August 13, 2013, https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2013/aug/13/uganda-motorbike-deaths-road-safety-boda-bodas.
4.“Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier,” Harvard Health Publishing, accessed October 9, 2020, https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier.
5.Jerusha Clark, “The Gift of Gratitude,” Axis Culture Translator 5, no. 48 (November 17, 2019), https://axis.org/culture-translators/vol-5-issue-48-nov-27-2019.
6.Elizabeth Berg, Dream When You’re Feeling Blue (New York: Ballantine, 2008), 141.
7.Ann Voskamp, “(14 Ways) How to Raise Grateful, Thankful, Joyful Kids: When You’re Tired of Kids Complaining,” A Holy Experience, November 21, 2019, https://annvoskamp.com/2019/11/14-ways-how-to-raise-grateful-thankful-joy-filled-kids-when-youre-tired-of-kids-complaining/.
8.Shane Claiborne, Enuma Okoro, and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010), 116.
Group Discussion Guide
1.Joyce Huggett, Spiritual Classics: Selected Readings on the Twelve Spiritual Disciplines (New York: HarperOne, 2007), 11.