NINE
Back in her apartment in Sudeshna's palace, Draupadi locked herself in and wept. She felt defiled. Tearing off her clothes, she made a pile of them and set them on fire. She went and bathed, long and sorrowfully. At last, feeling somewhat cleansed, though not in her mind, she came out and dressed. There was a knock at the door and, not bothering to wipe her tears, she went to open it. Sudeshna stood there.
The queen saw her sairandhri red-eyed and still crying. She took Draupadi's hands and said, "What happened, my child? Why are you crying?"
With a sob, Draupadi pulled free and flashed at her, "How can you pretend to be so innocent? You sent me to your brother and you knew what he wanted. How can you ask me now why I am crying?"
She saw Sudeshna also had tears in her eyes. The queen sat down on the sairandhri's bed and said in a low voice, "Tell me what happened, Malini. I swear I did not mean to hurt you. Only that my brother was frantic to meet you."
Sobbing, Draupadi described everything that happened. Sudeshna, who was terrified for Keechaka, tried her best to console her sairandhri. But the young woman ended viciously, "My gandharva husbands have heard what happened and your brother won't live long."
Sudeshna rose and ran from the room. The sun set on the world outside. Still, Draupadi sat on her bed, staring glassily out of her window while shame and rage had their way with her. She must see Keechaka dead, nothing short of that would do. He dare lay his filthy hands on her, he dare kick her. He did not know her: she was a flame; she would consume him.
She did not eat. She did not sleep, or even lie down. She sat there like a fierce statue, plotting Keechaka's death. Slowly, a plan formed in her mind. Near midnight, she rose and walked out of her apartment. Around her the palace slept. Like an avenging spirit on the prowl, she moved through the deserted passages, out into the mooned night and into the king's palace through a back door. Grimly she headed for the kitchens and the room behind them where Ballava, the king's cook, slept.
She glided into that room; seductive as moonlight, she went and lay beside him. With petal hands, she aroused him in his sleep. Smiling in his dream, Bheema reached for her. Then he opened his eyes. He gave a cry and sat bolt upright. "Panchali! You must be mad to come here. What if someone saw you?"
She stopped his mouth with a kiss. She stripped away his clothes and made such tender love to him. When it was over and he lay in a fine swoon, she said, "How can you sleep when your Panchali is in torment? Have you also become as hard-hearted as your brother? I cannot believe it of you. Of the others, yes, but not of my Bheema. How can you sleep after seeing how that devil kicked me down in the sabha? After you heard how he tried to violate me?"
Bheema said, "You should never have come here. Suppose we are found together? It will be the end of everything. What would Yudhishtira say?"
"Yudhishtira! How can you say his name after you heard him in the sabha today? 'You look like an actress, Sairandri. Go back to your apartment. It is immodest to cry in front of so many men.' And was what Keechaka did modest?"
She was trembling next to him now, naked and wounded and Bheema couldn't stand it much longer. Sensing victory, she pressed on, "Yudhishtira has no honor left, or would he let Keechaka live after what he did to me? You were also there, Bheema, you did nothing either."
Poor Bheema cried, "I would have killed him. I would have razed this city! But Yudhishtira stopped me with his eyes."
"Yudhishtira has no feelings for me, all he wants to do is gamble. He is so happy after he learnt that mantra. Now he thinks he is the greatest dice-player on earth. What does he care that Keechaka tried to rape me? What does he care if his wife was kicked in a king's sabha? I want Keechaka dead!
I cannot hope for revenge from Yudhishtira. Because they are loyal to him, Arjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva will not help me either. Oh, my Bheema, I can turn only to you. Only you are man enough to stand up to Yudhishtira. You have always loved me the most. You have always done anything I asked you to, even if your brothers would not.
Ah Bheema, look at your Panchali's hands today!"
She held out her hands to him and there were tears in Bheema's eyes, when he felt they were callused. Draupadi sighed, "From grinding perfumes for Virata and his queen and they both betrayed me today. Oh, I am a cursed woman, that no one loves me!" She sobbed.
Bheema wiped her tears; he kissed her again and again. "Panchali, ah Panchali, don't say that. You know how much I love you, more than my life. But Yudhishtira was right to stop me today. If we are discovered now it is another twelve years in the jungle: not you or I, nor any of us could stand that. Keechaka is as good as dead, my love, only wait two weeks."
She drew away from him and sat up. Her eyes glittered and she said harshly, "I couldn't have dreamt you would be so heartless. You were my last hope. But if you won't kill Keechaka, I must drink poison and die. For I know he will ravish me before your two weeks pass."
She covered her face with her hands and sobbed more than ever. Bheema melted. How could he resist her? He had a child's heart. For her sake, he would risk anything, even another twelve years of exile, worse than dying.
"Aah, don't cry, don't cry!" He put his arms around her. "My queen, don't cry; his life is not worth a single tear of yours. I will kill him for you tomorrow. But we must do it in secret, so no one knows."
She wiped her tears at once; her woman's need satisfied, she smiled. Kissing him feverishly, her eyes shining, she said, "Have you a plan, Bheema?"
He held her close and whispered, "I knew you would come tonight, so I thought of a plan earlier."
She laughed delightedly. "Tell me your plan, Bheema!"
"Send a message to Keechaka. Tell him you only pretended to spurn him, to inflame him more."
She gasped. He went on, "Tell him to meet you at midnight in the dance hall. Tell him there is a silk couch there, perfect for making love!"
"And then?"
"Tell him to come to you secretly. When he comes he will find me in the dark and I will kill him."
"Bheema, my love! I knew I could count on you. And we shall not even be discovered. I am grateful to God that you are my husband. You are the only one who is not a coward, the only one who really loves me".
With a last lingering kiss, Draupadi floated out of Bheema's room, leaving him happy in the dark. In a short while, he slept again, snoring softly, drifting into dreams of her.