All of us would like to tap into our horse’s emotions. We are looking to form a partnership that crosses species, a true friendship for life. This friendship is characterised by the fact that you are there for one another and that there is a feeling of mutual affection, or even a form of love, without demands or expectations. You aren’t really a friend to someone if you measure your friend by their usefulness or perfect manners. There is no hierarchy in a true friendship, because both sides acknowledge and accept their strengths and weaknesses.
A friend for life
Horses are capable of maintaining friendships over many years. We too can enjoy this unique ability to form deep ties if we are prepared to open ourselves emotionally to our equine companions and allow this special partnership to flourish and grow. An essential condition for the development of such a friendship is to respect the horse’s uniqueness and differences, together with all its special qualities. Only when we respect the horse and its very nature can we expect to earn a horse’s respect in return.
To build an ethical and tenable system of working with our horses, more than anything else we require a trust that has been built on the basis of the predictability and clarity of our actions. Only when you are happy with what you are doing, and how you are doing it, will the horse really pick up your feelings for it and start to trust you. A horse will trust someone who radiates an inner strength and calmness as well as this genuineness of feeling.
You are the one who, in this unequal friend-ship, has to make the decisions on a day to day basis, because the horse isn’t in a position to do so. You gain a huge and invaluable advantage, though, by assuming a quieter form of leadership in which the horse is persuaded of the necessity of doing certain things through positive experiences and the enjoyment of being with people. True leaders don’t look at the horse as a subordinate in the relationship, but rather as a valuable partner.
Many of the well known exercises used in a dominance-based system of training, on the other hand, cause the horse to give up mentally and become psychologically resigned to its fate. It isn’t obvious to any horse why it should, apparently for no reason, move one way or the other or allow itself to be touched all over by a stranger. Obedience exercises such as these will only really be carried out with any enthusiasm when they are being trained positively. This also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t allow your horse to approach you in case he makes an assault on your position of dominance. Horses need this close physical contact when forming and cementing emotional bonds and friendships.
Generosity is the essence of friendship
(Oscar Wilde)
An invisible bond
Friendship forms an unseen bond between the personalities of humans and our horses. This relationship with our horses gives us a unique opportunity to be close to nature. Through this friendship an entirely new world is opened up, if we are prepared to behave with sensitivity towards the horse, appreciate its differences and if we try to see its world through its own eyes. Horses are well ahead of us in terms of their sensitivity and loyalty. Their expressive eyes are the windows to their souls. If you look into a horse’s eyes you will learn much about its character as well as what it thinks of you. This mutual friendship allows us to develop a united ‘we’ while respecting and maintaining our and our horse’s own sense of individuality, our respective ‘I’.
Both partners play an equal role and pursue the same goals.
